Humble
I tumble
through a silver lining
eyes peeking out of a blinding
light travels fast
further yet to meet at last
between two sides
of the same mind
bodies lying on many tides
dancing over water to unwind

Today
I heard myself mumble
"I'm waiting for the moon to drop down
crush these stones, flush my sight and make me drown"
then
flesh turns soft pink into shades of light blue
like sunrise
becoming the sea's painted sky, wide and true
I realize
I became one with the tide
birds flying in my sight
I'm their reservoir
everyday they will tell me au revoir

and I'll tenderly embrace
oceans weary face
and make it mine
make it mine

Deprive me
I don't need sleep now
Make me
Tell me not to go slow
Forsake me
Let's put on a great show
Take me
in all the ways you know
Shake me
off this dreamless night

Let us kneel in front of each other
one after the other
sweet juices to follow
you need to abide
and let me swallow
your pride

A naked tree in winter
my bones are always bare
I reach inside this
tree crown ribcage
pull my insides out
and press them on this page
I make a lovely composition
of red and superstition
I don't care
about how ***** it gets
I dare
you
Let me share
with you
You can do no wrong
Watch me
as I pretend it's been you
who touched these pages
all along

Today
I hang
I hang myself
I hang myself onto
I hang myself onto the branches
of this old tree
just to go, to flee
of too much probability

Tonight
I shoot
I shoot myself
I shoot myself a picture
I shoot myself a picture of me
in front of my favorite old tree
so I can remember thee
so there can be another me
so in this picture I can also be

Yesterday
I killed
I killed myself
I killed myself in a picture
I killed myself in a picture that shows
another me
in memory
but if she's dead
who's sitting on this chair
a me in disguise
I think I killed myself twice
or how many times?

Life, the big distraction
How it weaves around all that lies deep within
It's all but one fraction
and this fraction in itself to life feels like a sin

The emptiness.
We all know of it
To our yearning, its empress
Nothing ever seems to fit
Right where emptiness sits
in its grand old throne room

A loneliness.
Both residing in these enormous halls
with nothing there to impress
Even they can't keep each other company
for they're one and the same
only wearing anothers name

I listen to my favorite song
Let me read this book that's been sitting on my shelf for so long
Maybe I'll go and buy these flowers I saw the other day
Wouldn't they look just lovely in my living room, I say
how sweet, how good, all is well
in this calming simplicity I dwell
til the sin seeps through:

only a distraction;
nothing will ever fill nor forever keep what it hides
the room where empress emptiness resides

I am content
with thy firmament
In silence I hold my lament
My fear is my strength
it unfolds to earths length
Beyond what my eyes may see
I lay my trusty words upon thee
Home is far from blinded sight
A life hidden in a darkened night
There we fell into closeness
An abundance of things to confess
In simple wholesomeness we linger
Til I can reach thy lips with my finger

I am content
with thy firmament
the same one it will be
when we look up we'll see

Decisions
         made
  I don't believe in
         fate
  everything is subjective
  even hearts have their own perspective

  You gave me an
         essay
  of things that
         may
  be the transparent you
  let's be risible true

  Am I visible to
         you
  are my hands reachable
         too?
  Is my brain a beautiful mess
  Anything else to confess?

         No.

  It's all a little
         so and so
  Nothing to be ashamed of
  Even if there will be love

  Yeah,
         uncertainty
  can be quite
         heavy

  But that's okay
  I might as well stay
  
  for a little bit longer. Or more.

I'd like to
become see-through
For people to
know who
is hiding underneath
how lungs breathe
how bones shiver
of the stolen liver
throat that has to swallow hard
each broken promise shard
stomach digesting
loneliness from life's endless questing
these veins red and blue
this heart beating true
I wish to be see-through
see-through for you

Without it I'm sure
I look so pure
Til you see me sing the most beautiful song
with blood on my tongue

Today my brain is twisted
thoughts are misted
I want to write of the beauty that is
The beauty that I miss
The knowing that I crave
the one that would save
me from agony
and a life empty
of hope and filled with recollection
of needs and attraction
for something simple and true
like a tree that is green under a sky so blue
My ears are filled
My glass is chilled
My glass heart might break
if you try to take
part in my endeavor
to see lifes tangled parts clearer
But I'm okay with that
I'm ready to bet
My heart against another
let's smother
the pain we felt
and how we dealt
with lovelessness
I'll gladly confess
before you I'm bare
and I'd dare

again, and again, and again...

Washed up on the shore
of the oceans, your waters inside
I left an armada of paper boats
folded from all the letters I wrote to you
In my mind, in my mind
For you to never find
For my pride to unwind
For love to be kind

I flew across a mountain high
The edges of your mind
And shed the feathers from my sacrificial bird
in hopes you'd make a pillow to rest your head
On my thigh, on my thigh
For you to be nigh
For my lips to gift you a relieved sigh
For love to get by

I sat underneath the tallest tree
the growth of me and you
and tried to capture the play of light and shadow on photographs
in an attempt to keep all memories safe for your return
To my side, to my side
For you to let your insecurities hide
For my arms to be open wide
For love to abide

I have a strength in me
I fall in and out of love with thee
Brew a cup of unsweetened tea
for my strength and me

I sit them down and we talk for hours
On my table a vase of flowers
they brought me from outside where it showers
rain against the window, the trees look like towers

My strength calmly saying
our worries we should be laying
down upon the roots, no need for praying
stop the constant weighing

Of your worth and mine
you don't own these trees or the rain but this life is thine
now we will have tea, soon enough we'll be drinking wine
Over a hot cup my strength promises: we'll be just fine

Ideas so vivid
of skin that's not timid
Be intimate
Just integrate
Your poetry
into me
and make me see
make me see
All the colors
that I yearn to be
you and me and ecstasy
til it all falls away from me
I sense a feeling of being free
free from empty words
keeping it though it hurts
in a puddle deep inside
where all my silly wishes hide
come to me
come for me
I'll let us be
poetry

Feel like I went
somewhere wrong
People look but
they don't hold on
And I so crave
for interaction
For a poetic
intersection
I can't
stop writing
It's reverse writer's block
that I'm fighting
When all I can do
is oversharing
the pressure in my head
is overbearing

I know we are all
most interested in ourselves
Standing tall
in front of our virtual bookshelves
Not much wrong with it
It's only human nature
we wait for our creations to be a hit
so we feel a little bit more mature

Our intentions must be
somewhat the same
Am I wrong in thinking that we all
want a little bit of fame
Maybe the word falls short to describe
I mean we all want to be seen
Make a small impact, "please subscribe"
Everyone wants to be part of the scene

Oh but "I don't care what I am",
that's not what I do
Ah but unfortunately
that's not even half true
I didn't care much when
I started out
Simply because
I wasn't so proud
Of being able to write
my most inner thoughts down
and still call them
my own
And I still don't feel
proud in comparison
All these beautiful souls on here
This lyrical ship has quite a strong garrison

But it makes me sad and I wonder
about some of you
and that's why I started to ponder
cause I have no clue
What does "a follow for a follow" mean
If that's all we do
what does it matter, why so keen

Do you think it's only fair
I follow you, you follow me
But I want you to really care
To click because you want to see
Silly little adventures that I share
and who I want to be

I still strive to feel connected
I read of you
til I'm feeling like everything's collected
Is it too much to ask to wish you'd too

I'm a hopeless dreamer
A full-blown love-believer
An apologetic oversharer
Might as well give you my preprinted waiver

But I don't need anything
from this funny little human thing
you call a heart and stand tall
Non-believers can't get through my make-believe wall

And you're the biggest one of them all
Push and pull, careful, you might be the one to fall
Never heard of "we reap what we sow"?
Your love was only a glancing blow.

Quite tired and worn out
So?
I know there's nothing left to say
Alright.

Yeah, I wasted some time
And?
I understand I can be an easy prey
I'ts not right.

Sure, now I'm bleeding
Worries?
Ah, just a few new hospital bills to pay
Healing on the outside.

You know I might have been mousetrapped
Captured?
Well, some additional scars you may carve
I always put up a fight.

And the thing is, when you realize I got away
Sorry?
You are the one who will starve
I'll be alright.

Light
                                                inside
    ­                                                 defies

                                       a love that denies


                                           Flight
                                               height
                                                     petrifies

                                       a promise that lies


                                            Bright
       ­                                         delight
                ­                                      collide

                  ­                     with heartache in sight


                                           Provide
                                                subside
 ­                                                        hide


                                       Another stolen night

No better place but inside my dream
to leave the world and it's endless scheme
my fingers tracing violet mountains
that turn into illustrious fountains
of things I want to do with you
if you and I could ever follow us through

I wonder where I'd start my journey
Give the starting signal for our particular tourney
Getting into delicate positions
movement in passion my only mission

Sensuality comes easily
I want you to lean into me
let's be a little bit sentimental
no words needed when we become intrumental

In my dreams we hold on tight
to the endless possibilities of a night
under a cold and steady moon
Goodnight love, we'll see each other soon.

Where there once was peace and quiet
there's now an unbearable silence
I want to go back when
I didn't have to count to ten
to calm myself and all the pain
Not sure how I am still quite sane

Insanity would probably
be beneficial, naturaly
I'd just scream and shout and take a leap
Would that finally sweep me off my feet?
And stop my regrets playing on repeat?
Why do I have to get to the point of retreat
everytime someone makes their lying eyes weep?

All I want is something good and true
But everytime I try to look it's another you

The you that lies
with watery eyes
The you that cares to hold
my hand until it gets a little bit too cold
The you that tries hard to see the real me
to turn away as soon as I feel comfortable to be
The you that makes me look like a fool
to find out what you didn't want you just needed a tool
The you that wants to smother me all over
til I feel safe but you tell me I've only briefly been your four-leaf clover
The you that comes and goes as it pleases
leaving me sick and weary from all the diseases

you left
in my mind and heart
that's always the part
where you go and make room for another
to start the cycle anew, someone else to smother
my heart with thick heaviness
my mind with distrust, seeing always less
through the fog of disbelief
where I stand trying to retrieve
all that has been broken away from me
to swallow the bird of wisdom and talk myself into being free

But the bird is always dying
coming back but never flying
Still I keep it safe, protect it with my life
Together we will always strive
One day to release
This you and me will cease

Can someone please stop me from pouring,
out, and out
I'm afraid I might be emptied soon from crying out,
loud, so loud

Please let me find some peace of mind,
self, myself
Let me put this thing off, put it on the furthest,
shelf, rusted shelf

I'm so tired, so worn out,
letting, always letting
My veins are bruised from all of it,
fretting, all the fretting

Aren't you fed yet?
from the blood, so much blood
It starts to become one with
the mud, grey thick mud

I'm fed up with your decency,
irony, oh the irony
Full and fat of life's endless travesty
tragedy, it's a tragedy

Let me out of lying honesty,
don't talk to me, don't talk
I'm sick and tired of this car,
I rather walk, I will walk

I'll get somewhere eventually,
probably, mh, surely
Or maybe I'll get hit by one again on my way there,
pleasant thought, purely

Maybe I can't tell
right from wrong
life from death
heaviness from emptiness
love from a lie
or your arms from mine

Still I'm sure to see
light inside something dark
matter inside the nothingness
heart inside an empty chest
care from broken hands

And when you say
the void is you
I shake my head
but follow through

Let me tell you what I see
A blackness that is dear to me
And even if you can't help but mind
my trust and care leaving your dark parts behind

I might as well be
A lantern, you see
And when the light catches you
We'll both follow through
One thing I can truthfully tell
it was never just darkness from the moment I fell

for you

There

I lay my eyes
on something battered

Red the only color
another's apart and shattered

Dreams of a ****** consciousness

Rest in peace
solace

See me
mirrored

Touching others inner
borrowed

By ancient
minds

The keeper
finds

Skinned thoughts
dressed in shadow

Mind's a maze
ecstasy and sorrow

Leave it to
a ghost haunted

By phantasms
scattered and taunted

This blood runs deep
to gather and fill

My holding shell
where I keep you, safe and still

In the blink of an eye
I lost myself
I said goodbye
I turned my head and went
I turned it again and again.
Til it send
all my past selves to fly with the wind
By the morning I was born anew
And yesterday had sinned
I left my old clothes on the windowsill
I might pick them up and fly right out
One day, yes, first I'll climb this hill
Get all the way on top of it
with feet sore of rocky walks
with shoes that never really fit
I'll get up there just to see
to find there is
another me
And maybe here I'll find
life is not what life once was
it's really all a state of mind

See, I'll tell you how it is
I don't really need any of this
All this random "he's mine, I'm his"
"There are already a thousand things I miss"

Sure, that's lovely, I admit
but could you slow down for a bit
You don't even know I'm it
And all it makes me think is "he might be full of ****"

I'm being very honest here, sorry
Just don't get why you would worry
about some girl you just met in a hurry
your view seems to be pretty blurry

Sure, everyone likes to hear sweet things
but if it's only that, no substance, the sweetness stings
I'm not sure I want your honey if a bee swarm is what it brings
I'm not your queen bee and here I see no kings

I'm not saying this is bad
This isn't even supposed to sound this mad
Being sweet is actually really rad
But I know how these things go and I'm done ending up being sad

Tell you what I'd be happy to see
Some interest in the actual me
Maybe believable honesty
Cause I ****** hate that I don't even get who you want to be

Can I come a little bit closer?
Like this?
That's okay?
I know I'm such a poser.
Feeling more like a loser.

Is it alright if I say this?
Too much?
Too soon?
Can't believe I already miss
your company when I'm supposed to be in his

Arms, strong enough to hold me
but what if I need softness to be
the strength I'm holding on to; she
gives me something more to see
in darkened eyes great honesty

I'll keep your words with great pride
Show yourself to me, don't hide
Let me stay a bit longer                                                    by your side.

I don't know how much more
I can find trust ignoring the lore
That I keep on writing til my fingers are sore

This strange heavy book
with an even stranger look
that a stranger once took

I want to think
that it is full of insightful ink
giving me good reasons to always stay close to the brink

But when my heart grows fonder
today when I catch myself, ponder
my mind only recklessly starts to wonder

And I've been reckless before
my heart and soul given to a false poet who calls me a *****
it tinted my deepest thoughts, it might be blue forevermore

I'm an expert on overthinking
still can't help but drinking
Wonderland's poisons up til I'm shrinking

If I could only say
that on some distant day
I'd learned my lesson not to pray

For you can never know
maybe it's only the gardener, just a poet for show
beware of what he might sow

I am               Tired
                         dreaming

I heard             Silent
                            screaming

I saw                Something
                            gleaming

I am                 Self
                            redeeming

It seems           Quite
                            revealing

My insides       Somewhere
                            healing

Maybe              Even
                            believing

                                                          In you.

I see them come
I see them go
Hope fails,
and it fails again, so?

What else to do
but to feel content
with every arrival
there's goodness to attend
to an end

An end
that surely leaves you
utterly lonely, maybe sad
and a bit changed too

Probably scary
that's usually how it goes
these things were never simple
you carry a bunch of "if so's"

Just go
just be you
they'll see
everyone did see you
one day they might know who

Life
force me to
go back and
build a
hive

Bees
will have a
place to go
to all
she's

Full
of a thought
once there was
and now
dull

Die
let the idea
dry out and
be one
lie

Nothing
where it meant
to grow but
one day
something

Pretty sure
I'm transparent
See-through
Barely anything resembling
something living
Walking in this life
Not really knowing how to strive
My answer's mostly a deep long sigh
Sometimes I'm merely getting by
Dreaming the same silly dreams
as mostly anybody it seems
Writing funny poetry
not really funny, maybe poetry, just writing, you see

But who knows
maybe sharing at least shows
that words might fall short
and some thoughts you won't ever be able to sort
but they can also travel far
and while not everyone's appreciative, some surely are

Who am I to keep you
from taking chances
stealing glances

Believe me when I say
I don't want to slow you down
by no means make you lose your crown

Quite the opposite it's true
I want you to hold this smile
for which I'd walk the extra mile

Simply what I'd love to have
is you to let me stand close to you
and maybe let me hold your hand then too

The only thing that troubles my mind
is not knowing if you want to share
your good life with me and if you think I'm worth the dare

Am I?

Your awkwardness is infectious
These words can never really catch us
Would you say I'm making a fuss

Maybe this is normal
you just can't help but being formal
I know all of this seems quite suboptimal

But you know
I didn't think of this like a great show
Are we still going with the flow

I don't know what to tell you
if we both agree on this how could we be through
My thoughts are always overflowing, your words are few

So is it okay if you maybe
phrase your intentions more clearly
all I want is to talk with you freely

Like we talked when we saw
each other with loving awe
and being open and true was the law

I ask you
'how have you been? Isn't this your favorite drink?'
but also
'I hope I'm not trying too hard'
I know I probably overthink

You say
'I had a great time with my friends. We had so much fun'
Sending a picture
'how was your weekend?'
Isn't that a strange mixture?

I grasp for something deeper still
Aren't you too?
I can't be the only one here that wants and will
Clearly you want to share as much as I do
So shouldn't you be willing also?

Why claiming, wanting
but then feel distant
Why do I feel like I need to be hunting
for anything resembling something subsistent
I don't want to feel like constantly being insistent

Lying half naked in bed
thinking about all the lovers I haven't had
and sometimes it makes me mad
that they probably aren't even sad
cause there's always someone else they could have met

Filling myself up with solitary sensuality
I keep asking how much of this can be reality
when we were never one but lovers in singularity
and only in late-night-born words there was sexuality
merely a disturbance of tranquility

And as I lay there in the warmth of my solitude
Hot waters find an opening in unfulfilled gratitude
they leave my eyes, then run down my spine in some strange interlude
and I'm getting scared of an emtpy platitude
of feeling like a ****** *******

Because my spine is not endless
and neither is the beating of a heart kept loveless
I'm tired of phrases, of having to confess
to love that seems only to know how to obsess
that tries hard to be profound but then is still just heartless

I try to see some good in the fact
that my spine is therefor still somewhat intact
and beyond this tiring and ongoing act
I calm myself, 'There's still time to find', I'm committing to the pact

A home is a home is a home
it's a place, it's a haven, it's a heart
my head, a heavy tome
but here, my pages, they easily part

A feeling is a feeling is a feeling
of belonging, of caring, of staying
here, my mind felt ease, I'm simply being
my body speaks tired, here, I'm not afraid of swaying

A lover is a lover is a lover
for I'm well fed, for I'm blanket-covered, for I'm hot-showered,
I'm being shared, my lover and my bed, and I'm undercover,
I do as I please, I'm undaunted or a coward

A house is a house is a house
sometimes old and weary, cold and eerie, sole and leery
it breathes in and out, familiar rhythm, one with my mouth
My home gives me the feeling that there's a lover in the house, here I saw ice being fiery

Why are you so afraid?
Who takes the courage out of us
and leaves empty pages on our doorsteps?

If you'd ask me nicely I gladly lend you my aid
In return just be as good as you allow yourself to be and thus
I promise silently to instead of one I'll make two beds

Inside of these four sides and many scriptless lines
My love's never quite sure how to call itself
I call her by the only name that I know
but know that it's not enough, not quite

If I wouldn't know better I would beg for your trust in these strong-rooted vines
All I want is to let me be me for the sake of myself
And hold closely and in full daylight my beloved stranger, reflected in fresh-fallen snow
For I'd never want to be ashamed of keeping a feeling whole and tight

Please don't ever let me lose my hope in a strangers mind,
it's all I got left in a world full of shallow familiars and quiet pretenders
Don't let me go stray and leave the path less traveled

Let me have
one hand that's tender
that isn't my own
trying hard to hold
on to slippery simplicity

And tell me why
are
you
so
afraid,
heart?

It's a wide sun
who's light travels
from my silly head
to my stubborn heart

And back again
and back again
it goes in burning circles
and yet never fails to shine

If you look closely
you might be lucky
and catch a glimpse
of my fiery desire to be

Since I have little
but I have as much
as the sun gives in warmth
and I'd as such
give it gladly and settle
to heat up your cold arms