when it happened it was a surprise
like opening a birthday gift
from someone who didn't know you well

you're only grateful
when the moment is over

but the moment never died

for some reason
it eats where I eat
sleeps where I sleep
hides where I hide

it has taken over

he had no right to get close
to trap me in a single moment

if I was a sun
then I am not anymore
because his touch burned me
somethings shouldn't be ignored

Why are there more buildings than trees
In the city that's promising dreams?
Why are there more cars than
Parking spaces
What's all the rush?

Why are there more boats than fish
On the island of eternal bliss?
Can't even hear my thoughts
From all the noises;
I Feel overwhelmed.

There are pockets of green,
A desert preserved,
Only one single tree where I've ever heard birds
They sing in the morning at 8,
But I'm starting to think it's too late

I see mountains rising
And buildings above them,
I see clouds slowing passing
As cars outrace them,
All the light pollution
Has the sky turned brown;
At night
In the centre of life
I feel drowned

it seems whenever i read
of these monumental
astronomical events
annular or total eclipses
planets in alignment
a radiant of meteors
as grand in magnitude
and meaning
as hyperbole will allow
that i am never able
to truly witness
or fully appreciate
the wonderment
that others have claimed
these spectacles always occur
on the other side of the planet
or at a time of day
that makes the divine insignificant
mundane and barely noticed
despite the significance
assigned in theory
this clamour for
once in a lifetime opportunities
will inevitably be missed
leaving me with
a sense of aimlessness
and distraction
until i read
that experts claim
this occurrence repeats
approximately every
ten or so years

As a kid I remember always wanting to make you proud or smile or even laugh.
As I've grown I only found disappointment.
I could make you smile, I could make you laugh, but I couldn't teach you.
As I watched my sister grow up I could only see her disappointment in you grow.
As I tried to push you to be more then just a voice on the phone to us you pushed us away even further,
Only leaving me to do my best for her, every single time you fell short.
I got over how you are early on in my life,
But I watched her give you every chance in the world, all you did was disappoint her.
I watched you live your life, and she watched you too,
And all she wanted was to be more apart of it.
My heart broke every time she had something to show you she was proud of and you weren't there,
You made it clear if what we do isn't something you like you won't support us even if it was better for us.
You've made it clear we can't speak to you, not without you getting drunk first and arguing after.
So as we've grown you've left us in disappointment,
As we've grown more open minded to the world you've only shown that you'd rather stay closed off to it, and us as well.
So now on father's Day my sister wishes me a happy father's day,
And I wish none of my own.
For all I am is a disappointed son.

To a father that only needed to listen and be there.

A promise of a kiss
I do, was said
A romp in the bed
A kick in the head
Was once a heart of tenderness
In its'place a cold stone compressed
Thrown into the bottom of a river
Laying on the bottom I shiver

You never can go back
Back to the beginning
Begin and end again
Again where we started
Started this mess
Mess of a romance
Romance is dead
Dead is my heart
Heartbroken you left me
Me and her together
Together we’ll be fine
Fine, you win, I love
Love who I thought you to be

I tried
I'm spent
I give up
I relent

I quit
I'll just stop
I can't stand
I just flop

I'm broke
I'm a mess
I've no *****
I regress

I've failed
I won't fight
I'm lost
I can't write

Is this it ? Is this (to be) the One ?
....No! It won't work, it never does... they never do
It works for others yes!
But no! not for me
Have seen too many false dawns now
I won't fool myself again with thoughts of...
Thoughts of El Dorado land.

Just because I've found a new way
And it'll feel good for a little while
But then it'll go just like they always go
Those nice feelings that come
They lie to me, they laugh at me
Make a fool of me every time
Like a mirage
Dancing tantalisingly in the distance
Only to disappear once you grow near
I know their not going to last, not going to stay
They'll not take me... not take me to El Dorado land.

But still, maybe... maybe I'll celebrate all the same
Just for the hell of it
Make believe that this was surely IT this time
Yea! I'll get a little drunk and pretend, pretend I've found it at last
What I've always been looking for,
All those years of looking and never finding
Feeding on scraps, vague intuitions, funny dreams and feelings...
Even though I know it's not gonna work
Knowing that behind it all it was always bound to fail
That I'll always be outside those gates looking in
Knowing I'm not invited.

                          II

They talked of a land that was wondrous, marvellous!
Not something out there but something here within
Of a strength that was golden, that was yours and yours alone
That could never be stolen
A great treasure that lay inside... that lay within
I read their books, I studied their maps
And then I set out, I set out for El Dorado land.

I followed them as best I could
I tried, I tried but seemed to lose every time
I know - I know I did it wrong
I always do it wrong
Wrong is where I live I think
Wrong is where I come from
Probably Wrong is where I belong.

I'm old now
I watched and waited too long
And nothing much really happened
And no one...no one came.

To have lived and never to have seen, never to have known
El Dorado land.