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4am
~~
im thinking too much
again.
why won't you say anything?
all i said was --
"i miss you"
is that too much?
am i too much?
am i not enough?
should i love you?
it's only been a week..
i can make myself --
if it makes you happy.
am i texting too often?
did i send the wrong emojis?
was i not funny enough today?
not talkative enough?

...

****.
im thinking too much..
again.
inside an overthinkers brain
date wrote: 22/6/25
If I rewrite the narrative,
make you say things you’d never-
it hurts a little bit less.

If I picture you sending my screenshots,
laughing with your friends
about how I’m pathetic,
it hurts a little bit less.

If I melt the candy coating off your words
and read them as they are,
my chest doesn’t feel as hollow.
The pages rinse free of hope,
replaced with finality.

If I say it was just a game,
and now I have to log out-
close the window, shut it down,
you’ll never log back in.

My lungs can fill with air again,
My eyes remain dry.
This grief stops sitting on me,
I can stop wondering why.

You’ll always be
my favorite book I picked up-
but maybe you were one
I was never meant to read.
I wish I hadn’t stitched you into all of my fabric.
There’s nothing to do that keeps you off my mind.
You are everywhere and nowhere all at once-
like a ******* ghost seeping into all my rhymes.
What would you have to lose
If you chose to run away?
Cause that's what I've been wondering
When my nightmares keep me awake.

Would your thoughts race for hours
With the memories of our secret place,
If you could forsee my disappearance
If you knew that we would change?

Perhaps this feeling is not justified
Because I'm over-analyzing things,
When I'm aiming for an equilibrium
In the friendships that I make.

Cause when I consider endless factors
That I cannot control and have to face,
I realize perfection is not possible
For a human to attain.
I'm realizing that a perfect balance in friendships/relationships doesn't really exist. There will always be some sort of imbalance in terms of who loves each other more.... and that's normal. I should stop working toward a goal that is unreachable.
I have lived lifetimes
At night while I sleep
I want to rest now
But I'm scared of what I'll see
I just ******* know it will be you.
haley 3d
i don’t just crave validation,
i need it.
i need it like some people need a drink in their hands,
i need it like it’s the cigarette between my lips.

it’s the air in my lungs,
my food and my drink.
it’s not just music to my ears—
it’s the only sound i hear.

i know i’m not your favorite,
not really.
but you told me i was,
three months ago.
and i wrote that in my journal.
i etched that in my heart.

i hold up my poems,
these nonsense words i call art,
and i need a compliment,
i need a hug.
so that i know i’m not just some girl,
the girl you whisper about when she’s not there.
so that i know
there’s a reason i give and give.

so that i know i’m someone’s favorite.
I'd lay in the sun
Til I turn to dust
Never searching for stars again

I'd sail the oceans
Until seasickness is all that I am, Dehydration second nature

I'd circle the planet
In the worlds smallest plane
Til my ears pop
And I crash in flames

I'd lay in a tank
Making friends with
Spiders and snakes
Til fear paralyzes my every nerve

Simply to never
feel this way again
I never thought I'd miss
My ability to just go
Numb.
I’m barely a poet,
yet you’re still my muse.
I say it doesn’t hurt-
that my purpose is views.
Steps I take forward
toward moving along
make you more distant,
and that feels ******* wrong.

I know that you know and
it could never be the same.
I just have to figure out
how to remove ache from your name.
The letters, they hurt
when they sit side by side-
and to hear them out loud?
A blast to my mind.

Because I like to spiral,
to wonder and dream.
I erased our messages-
yet here you come on my screen.
You can’t give me an inch-
I will dream a whole mile.
I’ve been that way always,
since I was a child:
hoping and loving
and dreaming for better.
I hate accepting reality-
and this ****** weather.

I can romanticize rain
and thunder and storms,
pretend they can heal me,
make me accept new norms.
But I miss my lover,
so quiet, so sweet,
and leaving that love
drowning feels like defeat.
But it's not romantic, just fated design
And it's just a Wednesday spent acting perfectly fine
Breathe in cool air
Breathe out smoke
My own inconsistencies
make me ******* choke
I love to give love,
don't like to receive it
Even if it is real,
I rarely believe it
Let me hold your hand but
don't reach for mine
I'll be patient with you,
if I have the time
An ache to be seen yet
I'm shrouded in shame
I'm floating alone with
only myself to blame
In love with loving,
affection, and touch
But to believe I'm to be wanted?
That's a bit much
Being self aware was never the issue,
Changing thinking patterns is a struggle
I feel I have a big heart,
Does that mean a lot?
Or is it something that
Somehow holds me down.
A blessing that feels like a burden.

Sometimes I hate it,
Sometimes I resent it.
Because I have no control
Over what I feel.

I overthink my brains out,
Apologizing for simply existing.
Forgiving wounds so deep,
Too easily, without much thought.
Even when it leaves me empty.

Worrying over people
Who wouldn’t flinch if I disappeared.
Draining my social battery
To the last drop where it doesn’t exist.

I feel guilty for actions
That I had no control over.
Making me rethink my past,
Where I was a name on a list,
Never a person in their story.

I stand among many,
But belong to none.
Because they never loved me,
The way I have loved them.
For all the people who overthink and are forgiving, this is something for you.
Kalliope Jun 14
I beg for understanding
   But I can't even figure out myself

I crave recognition
   But do nothing worthy

I'm desperate to be seen
        But my own vision is clouded
0900
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