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Once was extro
But now I’m intro
And trying to invert it
Word is , I’m not perfect
Bordering being worthless
Born without purpose
But you make me a better person
I wrote this while lamenting how awkward I am, the one person who was helping me be less awkward stopped replying, and now I’m back to square one it seems.
Void Aug 11
Being Kind

Being Assertive

Being Harsh

There are fine lines

When you're kind, you get used- abused

When you're assertive
You're an *******

When you're harsh
It pushes others away

But no matter what you are...
No one ever wants you in their lives
So now what?
Alex Aug 6
Nothing is  sadder than a party,
Than the party itself,
Party is the corner side of the room,
Drinking a half empty *****, cause you know you don't want to stay long,
But you like drinking it,
It just not around empty faces, fake persona, and a ghost from your past.
Its an awkward smilling attached to a sofa,
Cause everytime you wondering how you are wasting your time,
To stare at walls, strangers falling inlove, you just watch there,
It feels like people invited you in pity just because they know you,
Just because you are engaged to them in a small talk,
You thought they were your friends,
So you just sit there just a proof you showed up,
To have some dencency to a person who invites you,
But imagine being in a room full of crowds,
With no one to talk about...
Cause  you are a stranger to them...
And a party isn't just about loud music, make out sessions, or dares,
It is pretending  to look busy at your phone,
Or act like my mom called me,
'I have to go home, its an emergency'
And it always ends up at goodbyes,
'And i hate to end this way but i have to go'
They always accept it,
Maybe they thought it was a valid reason,
Even if i lied...
Or maybe they just hated me at all,
All along besides of hip hop songs played by the dj,
I heard mumbles, inaudible words, and laughs,
Maybe i am delusional,
Or maybe they talk behind me,
How awful i am,
Or how they hate me being there,
After all it always what i expected,
Alone, Sad, Awful,
And makes me wanna go to my bed,
Just to cry...
Jordan Gee Aug 2
I foot the ladder
I called upon the wheat
I called upon the spaces where only an ibex can stand
I called upon the swollen silence, the space between the keys
I called upon the distended bulb of awkward air that is my usher unto
the people of this world.
I called upon God to change my purpose for me
but all I saw were white shapes in the darkness.
he had sent his heralds with the long horns and bugles
the thrones and cherubim suspended like a women’s pearls about the neck
but i was too deaf and hard of seeing
on what was happening in my day to day
in my aloneness
in my facebook messages
in my bank account.
I thought the die was cast and so
I rode their mercy like an uncut Arabian steed.
I was young and my shadow was a
bad foretelling -
like worms drowning on the pavement-
like an empty soul factory in the bathroom stall.
but I’m on borrowed time like a black cat dream on
the narrows and the cobblestones.
like how a broken broom breaks all gypsy curses,
black cat dreams are never wrong, and
in the deep statecraft of my undoing I’m almost sorry for
what I asked for.
See, there are two of me and they are crowing
I know not which one bodes the ill intent and which one wields the cyanide.
but both are mostly indolent in their listening
to the building of the gallows.
Every breath is a fatality
Every hand full of dirt is a genesis
and I can hear the hangman at the gallows.
Let Justice Be Done, Though The Heavens Fall
and i’ll go see my brother on the water.
halfway up the sky he’ll build eternity outside of time,
and I will foot the ladder.
birds of hollow bone they herald my undoing,
planting white lilies in my heart.
by the building of the gallows I will foot the ladder
sometimes there are only hammers
sometimes all I see are nails.
where is the healing balm in this dreamscape that I invented?
he’s holding sulfur in his death hand.
I looked up and asked him for a bright lantern
I asked him to keep this pen alive and to fix me to his liking
I asked him for a bamboo raft worthy of the rapids.
I told him that when I was in California I was so sad I couldn't see the ocean.
I asked him that if I were to give penance
could he take these tumors in his hands.
all i saw were reflections of him smiling
like long eclipses on comanche moons.
I heard the gears of the clock all grinding but the hands were spinning loose.
I wanted to be home then, but he said I already was. And then he told me:
You are the gallows and the hammers
You are the black cat and broken brooms
You are the pavement and the worms and
the drowning and the nails
You are the lilies and the wheat
You are your brother and his dreaming
You are the cyanide and the birds.
but i’ve so much invested already in the crawling
in and out of beds
that all there is left to do is
foot the ladder till I'm no longer deaf to the horse's mouth,
to the screaming of the diad in their forgetting of their
Oneness
Of their Atonement
Of their dreaming of the dream.
20.Jan.2020
Uneaten pancake
Left to sit on the counter
I am just like that.
I love my girlfriends. But I feel like such an outsider, sometimes.
Amanda Hawk Jul 16
Wednesdays are solitary shadows

Stretching across my skin

Imprisoned in this week and you caught me off guard again

Where your smile is a hello and my face is your doormat

Lay you baggage down and welcome in problems

I listen, listen, listen

Until everything floods in with a kiss and I tell you

What you want to hear

Then you fade with Thursday

Leaving a photograph as your calling card

Black and white, we are

And I am left waiting to hear your laughter

Feel your touch

And changing the locks
Jess Jul 15
Fluctuations, Frustrations
A Dragon tears apart emotions
A Master tapping on my shoulder
Bewildering, indeed,
But are you going to open?

I snap my fingers
Deep breath, palms extended
Music plays
I move along

What words can describe
these contradicting times?
Layered with clarity
Awkward and confused

But I'm done with managing
False control dismantling
No means of direction
or need for protection

This is all mine

How easy it is to play with distortion
what a misfortune
to pervert such purity
assuredly, this takes maturity  

Open
Open
Open
to all that I am

It does not require definition
Just allow this transition
No force No exertion
This is the simple emersion

There is No Separation
This spirit is mine
This Energy is me
My awareness is no one else's
In my own oneness, I am free
Oct 26, 2019
Amanda Hawk Jul 15
I want to say more
Than your name
Or I think it is your name
It comes out a jumbled mess
A mouth full of scrabble tiles
I spit out words
You tell me I talk too much
Peel myself apart
Exposing my heart
Before appetizers arrive to the table
And you can’t enjoy your salad
With my heart beating
Upon your plate
I try to zip myself back up
It was too late though
All my stories flooded the table
Blabbering the details
Until I could make a nine course meal
From your ridicule
Nikita Jun 30
Oh hello.
What’s your name?
That’s nice. Do you sing?
No kidding.
Oh me? Not me.
My voice shrills and kills until it...
Sorry. Did I just-?
Never mind. Yeah, okay.
I’d love that.
See you next weekend?
Great. Wait...
Before you go-?
Can you promise?
You do? Oh, you do.
It’s just- It’s just that I find it...
Great. Amazing. Wonderful.
Have fun- With her. Yeah.
Cool. Later.
A conversation in a time, space and with characters of your own creation. Feel free to reinvent the story until it makes sense to you.
Mrs Robota Jun 17
Coffee...
You're...well...anyways
I just wanted to say hi
and ask you, if you
would, maybe, consider...Uhm
would you have coffee with me?
sometime..?
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