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Maybe if you were ******* me it’d be enough for you to want to marry me, and release your notion of security.

Maybe that’s what it takes. Maybe that’s why she was different.
9/17/19
I know this isn’t true, now, but. It was a hard night that night and I figure it deserves to be shared anyway.
Even the guy who didn’t really want me, was able to get down on one knee. Hell, he even married me— albeit unfaithfully.
Is that why you can’t do the same thing? Do you not really want me? Or are you not sure I’m everything you need?
Why am I not enough for you to really choose me?
9/17/19
Some days all meaning disappears
I sit quiet in my wooden chair
Wallowing in existential fear
And wondering why I even care

Drive my mechanical pencil lead
Into the soft tip of my *******
Laughing at how I used to think ahead
How I still dream of being a singer

That little ***** of pain
Kind of brings me back to life
It leaves a blood spot stain
On the blade of my kitchen knife

When you sew my eyes and my mouth shut
And tie both my hands behind my back
Then I can't move but I can't cut
And you wonder why I resort to crack

Keep wasting all my time
Doing things I don't like
'Cause later you'll find
You need it for your life

Never mind, never mind
I'll just wait here and die
I know you're kind, so kind
And would never ever lie

Things get pretty dark for me
But I always seem to make it out
Just take my time don't hurry
Remember it's so normal to worry

But do I really wanna be like
All the other popular kids
I don't care if they call me a ****
It's girls I really wanna kiss

So when I'm down
And really just wanna die
Won't let myself drown
I will force myself to try
And be alright
I'll be alright
Make me alright
I wanna be alright

I'll just keep stabbing my finger
With the end of my precious pencil
I'll forget being a singer
And study ******* credentials
And be alright
I'll be alright
Make me alright
I wanna be alright
lyrics to a song i'm writing tell me what you think and give suggestions if you have any please
Khari Sep 12
You opened my heart.
You set up camp.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to show up that day.
I gave you all the whys, whats, and wheres.
Where were you though.
I seen what you were wearing on the floor.
The camp now looking more like a ghost town.
It was like that before you came in.
You forgot to close me up on your way out.
Now everyone can see.
It makes me laugh how much I cry seeing you leave.
It made me cry laughing so much not knowing I needed.
Someone like you.
Skye Varjak Sep 11
You once claimed
That I helped
I made your world
Less bleak
Less lonely
More warm

Since you've started hanging out your friends you need my presence far less
In many ways this is good
Im glad your friends also make your world
Less bleak
Less lonely
More warm

I cant help to notice they are all females
And all in your bed

I feel far less special now

In your world they
Colorize and brighten
Make you feel welcome in your skin

In mine they make it
Cold and dull
For I can never compare to them


Or maybe its you who makes my world this way
Ray Dunn Aug 10
am i that smile?
or did serendipity
make me a hero?
haiku time babey
Sunny Jul 8
There have been countless times
Where we've voice chatted
And I laughed and you called it cute.
And I found myself enjoying it.

I liked it whenever I sounded like that
Whenever I sounded different, feminine.
And I began to dislike hearing my normal laugh.
It felt odd to me.

A thought popped into my head.
A desire to experiment.
And once I did it, I felt even weirder about myself.
Then the questions started.

You pointed things out, and called me an egg.
Not that I minded.
Still, the questions remained, and I felt strange.
There was a sadness that I couldn't place.

Excuses were made.
Like how I didn't feel a 'certain way'
Whenever I tried on those clothes again.
It had to be something ******. It just had to.

But I started to not react in that way anymore.
And I kind of liked wearing them.
So then the questions returned.
And I didn't know what to think.

In the end, while I still have these questions.
I think it's okay to have them.
And even though I'm uncertain about myself
I'll continue on until I find who I am.
A recount of my current experiences with my questions about my gender identity.
Reese Jul 6
You know I feel like ****
Not complete **** just ****
I also know it's my fault
Slowing down on my meds
Not stopping
Just taking less than perscribed
I do it to stay focused
It's either Focused and depressed
Or happy and all over the place
People like me more focused
I'm less annoying
I'm more bearable
But more depressed
Luckily
Sadly
Thankfully
They can't see that part
It's this or Happy
But then I can't focus
I get bad grades
I annoy and **** people off
People don't like me
The only person who does is me
But why
Why do the drugs have to be 1 or the other
They cancel each other out
So it's focused or depressed
Or a little of both
I feel like I should be more focused during Lancers [marching band]
But then I'm more depressed
And while I feel like ****
I also feel that
I Deserve It
I am a better person while depressed
I can help those in the same situation better
I can help others more
If I'm happy
It is Not fair
I feel like a failure to those I've told about my mental health
I told them I'm depressed but then I'm not
Am I a liar?
Am I a failure?
...
Well that one's easy of course
I'm a failure either way.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar
When I'm happy I feel like a liar
When I'm happy
....
I feel like a liar
A ******* discrase
Who am I to say I have depression when I'm happy?
It's not fair
What about all those who don't feel the way I do with the same past
When They are on drugs
What if they can't get those drugs?
How's that ******* fair?
How?

I want to live
But if I live, I hurt
If I hurt do I deserve to live?
They only care for you when you say your going to **** yourself
What about if you aren't there Yet
At THAT moment
Then what are you?
Invisible....

And why are there so many of us so ******* depressed?
Just stop it please
Give me the pain of everyone and let me suffer by not killing myself
But suffering with it while alive
To eliminate everyones depression
It NEEDS TO END...
Please
Just stop

But not for me
For everyone else

When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
Why
Why
Why
Why
Why
....
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....
....
....
....
....
...

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what do I do
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