Blade Maiden Oct 4
I don't think I know
where to begin or
where to go
How to leave chance behind
how to change perceptions
how to treat my own mind

I don't know
why I have this need
to share and to show
Exactly where I stand
ever spilling heart in hand

I don't know why
I keep asking for truth
from strangers only passing by
Same old retreat
numbing sadness on repeat

I have no idea
what to tell you now
how to make myself more clear
How to leave and how to save
how to make my feet behave

I'm a glass full of shards
a peculiar collection
lots of shiny unknown parts
I don't know who I am anymore
I don't think I knew before
Blade Maiden Oct 4

This ripe darkness
this mourning dream
a wrenching weakness
fit for the guillotine

An arrangement made
sheer comfort prepared
the end of fate
and, oh, how I dared

This dry paper
this cold pit
an agonising vapor
that smells of blood and spit

'Tis my mind
my wicked flesh
a soul pined
peeled off and fresh

Dressed soft tongued
I raised Cain
being shunned
silenced I remain

This dawning fright
this nightly echo
here comes the blight
light, don't let go
Open my eyes
I take my pill
To feel alive
I won’t sit still
No more complaints
No more joint aches
It may be fake
but I’m awake…

A trance-like state
It is a place
So I can hide
No need to face
There is no shame
No more disgrace
The astral plane
My inner space

-

A dreamland Utopian place;
my mind where it exists
Then leave me here, I wish to stay;
This place I want to live
The world out there’s too harsh and cold;
I’m tortured day-to-day
It’s safe in here; stay ‘til I’m old
I’m better off this way
Though it’s not real, it’s real enough
As long as I believe
I’m not like you; I’m not as tough
So, lies are tales I weave
Turn into truths inside my head
My new reality
I live my life as if I’m dead
I’m fine; Just let me be
Written: September 29, 2018

All rights reserved.
When the stray-people come cry with me,
Suffering, our teardrops breathe in deriding grief
Of course, I don’t know of ***'s Love,
But I almost found it when you cried with me.

I am at once an epic stall of misunderstandings,
And sad questions are my reality, if you want,
I will help you find bliss in confusion,
I have wept because I am like this...however,

How is it that I still Love?
It is all at once the constant and pull of my spirit
We wept for Love till the dawn fades into hungry night
But our endeavours stand still, we were together…

Our emptiness walks as shadows
It gathered us in nights, outside the blue-button moon
A mirror of the silvery music,
The moonlight protected us from all crews

We think as bright as gleaming Athena
That all this suffering will end someday,
A flask of hope is notched to our belts
We sleep, one as weighty as damp deep jus

We wait to the slow lyres till night ends
Our bronze armour of youth clings to our hearts
These suicidal hummingbirds don’t go away,
But I can’t run away from insanity

We breathe and find a pink rose for our poor selves
Immerse in pomegranate poetry
For diseased passionate titans, in love with suffering
We blink jewels from our eyes.
Blade Maiden Oct 3

Traveling through an ocean-like space
I'm breaking like the waves
I arrive and crush on your shores
crawl into each and every pore
I dissolve into foam
which follows a storm
The storm becomes me
I rage over rock and tree
Devastation as I take
make room for renewal and remake

I brush away home and town
these empty houses, I tear them down
no place left to hide for the hunger
shall these demons come so I can pull them under
Make them eat the dirt they keep feeding to you and me
I will make them swallow and suffocate their glee
And when darkness comes I will be thunder
lightening the sky and breaking it asunder
And through this opening you will descend
everything that has been broken you can mend

Don't despair, love, take pride in me
The force of nature you clearly see
Believe in this inner symbiosis
Create your own apotheosis
Everything is well
Even in these dark times in which you dwell
This nature will never leave you
nor will it ever betray what is true
See through the eyes of your keeper
even when you think you can't sink deeper

What you are you shall hold dear
and walk this blackness without fear
Whatever wounds you carry away from this tourney
it's worth every step of this journey
Fight until your blood runs dry
pick up your worth again and again until you die
no need to run, no need to hurry
believe in your nature and don't worry
Sleep will come eventually
until then rage against life's brevity

You stand unbowed and unbroken by your ache
and leave life in your wake
Blade Maiden Oct 2

Do you remember
in the midst of December
over burnt down wood and ember
reminding you of distant warm memories
of a long gone September

Say, do you recall
the great and foreseen fall
the big curtain call
the end of it all

Did you feel cold
when the life you knew came to a halt
nothing made sense anymore
of what you've been told before

You thought of dying
by your own hands, no denying
til this new found will to live
now there was nothing left to forgive

Takes you back to the roots
proudly walking in those boots
Living off the land
bow in hand

Teaches you anew to be in awe
able to see the beauty of nature once more
shows you its forces and how it can make everything break
how it doesn't need your approval, how it can give and take

And you remember it now
as you saw yourself hanging of this bough
You asked for this
"give me a quiet apocalypse"
Inspired by a beautiful game called The Long Dark in which you wander a post apocalyptic world and live with and fight against nature. No zombies, no magic. Just you, nature and its forces. I always loved the idea of having to go back to the roots like this. An escape from today's disconnected life. Nature is but an echo. Take me back.
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