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K 1d
Voices all day seem to criticize like buzzing flies,
like tyrants with their wooden Fists,
and raging impulses.
they say -
stupid **** loser -
bad, horrid

and I wonder why,
why are they saying these things?
behind closed doors and in crowded hallways,
behind the fence crouched and quiet-
I am nothing to them
I'm scared of them and I wish that they were gone...
I am just nothing
S D M T 4d
Mirror buried behind filthy flesh
Scratch and scrape with fervor
Futility rendered in weeping scars
Visage a nostaglic figment

Shivering and shriveling away
Distant laughter like tinnitus
Thumbtack to the eardrum
Piercing radial arrows

Spidery scrawlings plaster cell walls
Slipping through sensation
Swathes of silence part seas of noise
Salvation takes a platonic form
I tried to write a poem this time
Guden 6d
When the wind blows
Through the drapes,
Half open.
A breeze
Comes from somewhere
To play with the smoke.
On the table
There is incense
Going up in essence.
The radio keeps talking,
And screaming
At me,
Laughing
With me?
My imaginary friends
Would call me paranoid
If I had any.
My permanent mental state is an odd battle between paranoia and self-deprication.
Are they laughing behind my back or am I not worth a mention?
Right?
Tyler Matthew Sep 18
Biting my fingers
Watching the wall until the paint lifts
Legs twitch
Bass drum pulse in my ears
Smoke clears (now they see me)
Eyes red
Head floating in a cloud of worry
Hurry to lock the door
I’ve been here before
You live here
You lived here
Eight o’clock comes
I was supposed to meet someone
Hate written on the mirror
Eyes in pairs move past the window
Do they know?
Nine o’clock comes
Plans canceled
Deaf to silence
Television, yes
Sit down
Eat popcorn
Laughing while I witness
The death of my
Dreams
I'd like you to meet my friend?, Anxiety.
Anxiety is a form of fear.
Anxiety is the opposite of love, but oh, does he love me.
jeristorms Sep 13
Pad and pen,
here are Casey’s thoughts again...

Driving down the highway, Jason is strapped in because Casey’s in denial again. She doesn’t want to lose her little one.

Wake up Casey, you’re dreaming. He’s gone.
You drove under the influence.
What’s wrong with you?  
This is what you get. He’s never coming back.

Driving silent like a mime with its mouth sewn shut.
You’re just like a mime, living in a black and white world.
You’re gray matter Case.
You’re a nut-case.
Where’d you put your straight jacket?

You hit your brakes to assure Jason will be safe.
Convinced that at every intersection there’s a conspiracy against you,
sure to get hit.

But Casey, it’s too late. This is what you get.
He’s never coming back.

Why’d you have to reach for more?



Lock her up.
Strap her in.

Casey's off the deep end... again.
Mentally ill.
Ackerrman Sep 11
I’m giving
You a night call,
To tell you
How I feel.

I’m living
At a slow crawl,
Who
Has the shot to ****?

Arms crossed defence,
Haunted
Head
Of dreams.

Standing on the fence:
Faded,
Lead,
Poison-lean.

Blighted youth,
Hidden truth,
Failure to jump…

Cant jump:
Autism,
Pride problem,
No- progress.

Can’t initiate
Relationships:
Doesn’t mean
-Can’t- feel.

Does not mean
I don’t
Need
The same.

Fighting mouth breathers,
At a distance,
Who can tell?

Infected by venom,
Crippled, narcissistic
Venom.

Veins are black,
Self made
Transfusion;
Empathy stack.

Barrier.
A language
I don’t understand,
Barrier.

Never have
Comprehended,
It feels
like…

Everyone knows something
I can’t handle,
Can’t see…

Like I miss
A sense,
Everyone else-
Proficient with.

Like everyone else:
Knows
A secret
That I don’t.

What’s worse:
Is when
I pretend
To know

Everyone
Around
Acts like
I know-

But I don’t,
I never had,
Had your
Super powers…

I pretend
To read
Minds
Too…

I mimic
The language,
The body language:
Eye movement…

Eye brow shift,
Wide open arms,
Pupil dilation,

Shoulders diminished:
Insecurity.
Eye contact…

I can manipulate
These rules
For
My effect.

So I know
Other people
Can do
The same.

Most likely-
Do
All
The time

So how?
Can I trust
A single
Person…

Or what they say
With their eyes,
Maybe I should trust
The words…

ha
I started working with a child with ASD. It has shaken me, I have always scored highly on the spectrum but never enough to cross the line. I have really had to try and strip back my own personality in order to try and relate to him and get on his level. This has opened up a lot of questions for myself. Has me thinking about why I am the way I am.
Knit Personality Sep 2016
A shadow person's creeping near:
   I see him creep near by.
He chills me, fills my heart with fear.
   I wish he'd go! or die!

He's hanging, like a hemorrhoid,
   Around.  I don't know why.
(Or maybe I'm just paranoid
   And really really high.)

O.O
A Crowded room bathed in garnet light,
In it, the dammed, desolately await their fate,
Clawing at barbed wire curtains,
Crying as their fears find them.

Hotel Paranoia,
Neon sign blinks, winking at weary strangers,
Manchester back street, off beat Air B&B boutique,
For £45,
A trip into drug induced escape.

Come all ye strangers,
All ye weary Brexit betrayers,
Take a night flight into your dreams,
Fly till your heart rips.

She wanders in golden gardens full of perfumes,
Crowds of travellers find sweet love,
Bliss in the arms of a long lost love,
Till morning comes and gloom returns.

Winding down, sweet Nicole finds something crawling up her sleeve,
Blistering skin peels and blood soaks the sheets,
Dreams become screams and around her,
In the garnet room, travellers find hell.

Flesh crawls with many legged bugs and thugs wielding clubs pull syringes from the floor,
Whilst guests rest in pools of *****,
Their fears coasting, rolling, uncontrolled,
Bliss fades and fear breaks bones.

Far from home in Hotel Paranoia,
Weary fools fly from bliss to fear,
Lights become fires,
Floors become wired,
Dripping taps spill acid onto skin.

Disappear here,
Lie down and disappear.
Meadow Sep 4
Trapped in a mindset of fantasy
Cradling beliefs with no foundation in reality.
Alone in a mind of oil
Staining all who brave my touch

Familiar faces soaked in anxiety
They stare with memories I long to forget

These glossy eyes that fear closing... moving.... shifting.... seeing...
Worlds will fall
Perceptions will alter

These words are caught in my throat
Festering

How do I say hello?
How do I keep the conversation going? Are they staring at me because they know I'm not normal. Can they see my disfigured soul hiding beneath this skin?
This deformed skin....
Do they notice that I am an imposter?
Do they see how I react alien to how they do? How I second guess each expression.

Words fall from my eyes without allowance.
The connection isn't there.

I Stare down
I drown them with every glance.
Words falling.
Flooding.
Making oceans of unspoken phrases.
Needs.
They breathe me in.
All the words I've never spoken.

They drown in my illusions.
And run away like mad men.
To a world I cant seem to be a part of.

Trapped in a mindset of fantasy
Oil drowns me, and dilutes my words.
Taking away who I am.
My words are my life.
But I cannot speak them.

No one will ever know.
And I will never tell them.
I am Drowning in illness.
________
An older poem I never posted.
After 2 years of therapy, I finally feel like I'm past this. I'm in a place I NEVER thought i could be at  and I am learning to love my life, myself, and others better.
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