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who am I now?
This body I once recognized,
Is transformed.
Softer, fuller, different.
My mind has always been a map,
With roads that spin in circles.
But my body was no match.
Now my skin tells the story,
Of a new life formed.
Of hard months and sleepless nights.
And I dont feel better off or stronger,
Like the others proudly say.
I feel foreign and unhappy.
So I'll drive down these new roads.
Looking for familiar landmarks.
Until I can once again,
Call this body home.
My dark skin became my enemy at one point

It became my enemy, because I thought a man could never love a dark skin yet ******* up individual like me

And

Most of the men I liked were attracted to women of the lighter complexion or opposite end of the color spectrum

But I failed to realize that

My dark skin was rich with radiance,

Beauty,

Strength,

And power

My dark skin failed to crack as I’m growing older

Failed to blemish to too much sun

Even failed to whelp up after childhood whippings

My dark skin hasn’t lost its touch

My faith just diminished

Because of worldly views

The Bible warned me of

I was young and dumb

Yet still truly blessed by the color of my skin
Working on loving my skin daily
Didda 7d
I want you
to set your throat ablaze
and yell as loud as you can.

you are
                                               allowed
to be angry.

I want you
to sing
as we burn
our                                               problems
to ashes.
As a human, it is instinct to be kind. However, you can get loud. Get mad.
bhu 7d
They say, everything happens for a reason
Believed you to be everything, until I became the reason
A reason, with dreams of autumn season.

Fall if you must, to rise from the dust
Scathed but Strong, like a burning tong
Humming to self your warm song.

There is sun somewhere, look around
The light never leaves, even as darkness surrounds
Finding light is tough, but creating one makes you Profound
My reason in ME, thus I found.
Amelia 5d
The wilted leaves of the plant you gave me
begin to peel away
lingering on the sunny window ledge
starting to fade on this day.

I laughed at its structure
and how it reminded me of us:
started out blooming and blossoming
but soon we lost our trust.

Today, I feed a new plant
with the tears I cried over you,
and with the warmth that I never received,
I began to build something new.

I smiled at its structure
and how it reminded me of myself:
started out small and feeble
But I am no longer just a decoration on the shelf.
I knew I'd turned a corner
The first time I made love to
Myself with no regrets

How many times was pleasure
Robbed the moment my mind turned
Back to "normal" again

Chemicals flooding my brain,
Changing me into something
I could not recognize

Lost in a daydream that looked
Like a nightmare to the old
Self I believed in

The moment of ****** tied to
A feeling of remorse, regret,
Disgust and defeat

Over and over again,
Against the God I said I loved!
Against my better judgement!

I'm still in the combat of
Deprogramming to love me
More than anyone can

But every now and then I
Make love to myself like I'm
Christina Aquilera

Like I'm the Goddess that I'm
Learning to become just like
The Mormons said I'd be
Mormon
Stories
Mable Erina Sep 28
You’re not a quitter.
Where’s the fight in you girl?
You don’t give up.
You were never one to give up.

I know you’re tired.
I know you feel so weak.
But it’s not over. It’s never over until you say it’s over.
Keep fighting.
Keep pushing.

You love yourself.
You have to.
How can you expect anyone to love you, if you don’t?
You can’t.
So love that little girl.
Even when she’s weak,
even when she wants to give up,
even when she’s hurting,
because she’s worth it.
You’re worth it.
Remember, you can cry,
but only standing up.
It seems to be all fun and games
for when I reminisce on the day
the tame looks and words are amplified
pumping out a beat much louder than my body should be able to hear
yet I sway to the rhythm
drawn to the pulsating
intoxicating
reverence of the music
and as you pull me in for a kiss
captured for a moment by the visual farce that lies within your glasses
I see my face reflected back at me
I can't help but think that maybe
I don't love you
instead
just enjoying a fresh perspective on loving myself.
I'm as terrified as I am exited.
slr Sep 26
i finally lost [some of] it
but 15 isn't enough
i want 115
i want to shrink away
into nothingness
i want to stop feeling
all of this pain
i don't want to keep doing this
and losing it is the easiest way
i've struggled with eating disorders for a while now. and i can feel myself going back to old, toxic habits. but, i don't want to stop it. because maybe if i plunge in headfirst, he will come back to me.
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