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i'm sorry, mom.
i know i'm a disappointment
i know you're not proud
i know you don't like who i am
i know you wish i was someone else
i know i'm not the most perfect daughter
but i'm trying
i'm trying so ******* hard
Vertical, horizontal,
Pen that escapes my mind,
Bring back bones that I meant to burn,
Bring back the energy that kept me alive,
Where will they go from me.

Alternative thoughts mold into a voice,
Chasms call for a parents help,
When all they ever do is deny,
Their kid needs to be perfect and perfect they'll be,
If the time changes and your brain shifts them slowly.

If purpose if all I look for is my mind really trying to find it?
It's hard to think that when the water is black when it's supposed to be blue,
I promised that I'd be happier, that I'd live for them,
But I can't when I'm trying to figure myself and my own voice out,
Easy to call me selfish cause It's all you can really see,
Then take a look into my poison cups and see,
What I've been introspecting and inspecting inside of my head.

Alternative thoughts mold into a voice,
Chasms call for a parents help,
When all they ever do is deny,
Their kid needs to be perfect and perfect they'll be,
If the time changes and your brain shifts them slowly.
Day 3d
inhale
i am NOT nervous for the day
you see me the way
i see me

exhale
i wanna love myself the way you tell me i should
I think *** won't mind
If I abandon him
For some sicker glee,
Because I don't know
Me,  Nor all whom I should.

I like the turmoil
You provide
and the pain it supplies
But I think
I am living a lie
In some romantic way
And getting farther away
from where I could be
By playing all the parts
I was "designed" for.
Every word you say is a bullet, an arrow, a dart,
Each said with careful precision pointed directly at my heart,
I think I'm bright enough to realize this is exactly where you aim,
But do you shoot at me and angles or do you always hunt the same,
I know how this ends for me, deep sadness with depression to follow,
But until then please free refill every dark crevice, every hollow,
It's exhausting when your feelings are born in compliments and text replies,
And all future plans and happy smiles rest in anticipated when's and curious why's,
I routinely drown myself in endless thought showcasing every possible scenario,
My vulnerable reflection with calculated filters is a rare appearance few ever know,
Please know I'm only quietly complicated because that's my procedure for life,
And in the vast spaces and covert corners of my mind violence is conveniently rife,
Ultimately I'll allow your arresting eyes to win over common sense and Native wit,
Yet still loyally protest and grieve your **** when what I get is what I get!
Sarah 5d
i dont want to write another poem about you
i dont want to be thinking about you
i dont want you inside my head
but how could the best thing that's ever happened to me
hurt so bad?
There's things that I don't say
In between kisses
And bowls of ramen noodles
On weeknights

There's a quiet sadness settled behind the couch and on the inside of my ribcage during our twilight marathons
On the weekends

Things left
To hopefully be forgotten under the bleachers at your soccer games
I go to whenever I can

It hangs with your hoodies in my closet
In the pit of my stomach
It's small but I can't stop it
And it takes me out for days at a time

I see you every day
But sometimes I am distant
In a different way

It's been done to me
And I'm sorry I'm doing it to you
I'm trying to phase the disappointment that has nothing to do with you
Out of my life like cycles of the moon...

The stars are ours
And that is true
I've never felt like I do when I'm with you
But I tried to tell you
I don't think
You completely understood
You have never felt
Such a sadness before.
.
.
.
.


"What's wrong?"
"Is something wrong?"
"You would tell me if something was bothering you,

Right?"


...
Listen to, in my mind by, dynoro while reading this. for the full effect
Belle Oct 5
i've been stuck and wordless for so long.
there are no words to explain how i feel.
how do i tell you i missed class today due to depression keeping me in bed?
how do i say that i keep trying so hard but it's just never enough?
how do i try to do something that is supposed to make me happy but i end up getting no pleasure from it?
how do i live like this?
like im constantly drowning
like there's "no cure"
like i am a failure and whatever higher powers are up there sure like to make sure i know that
like im unforgivable
like i throw my heart into something only to get each artery ripped out one by one
like i cannot be real.
things havent been okay for a long time.
i fake it.
i tell people im doing much better
because i look okay.
i act okay.
so why should it matter?
how can i tell you im broken hearted?
like i am trying my best but it just doesnt work
it wont ever work.
LadyM Oct 4
Look, I don't know why
I feel this way right now.
There's no reason for me
to be sad
because I always looks on the bright side.

Somehow, my thoughts are clouded
with pain and sorrow;
I'm telling myself
that a brighter tomorrow
will mend the cracks,

yet when tomorrow comes
my body still lacks
the energy to cope.

Look, I'm trying!
Isn't that enough?
I may be strong and emotionally tough
I hold my head high when times get rough,
but my act of bravery is only a bluff
when the load gets too heavy.

I'm sinking.

Deeper and deeper
into a rabbit hole
with no bright side
at the end.
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