august 14h

oceans colliding in between your ribcage / rivers overflowing in your heart / never ending waves crashing against your bones / the heaviness takes your body in its grip / eternal drowning in your head / no room to breathe / it hurts to think / your thoughts become violent storms / everything is loud / you can not hear yourself speak / you want to escape your body and find safety / allowing yourself to gasp for air to know what it's like to feel alive again

Maybe you are just a crush,
But literally you are too much.
When I first saw you,
My heart's stops a beat.
When you smile,
My heart's wants to live.
But somehow I try to keep my feelings to my own,
Not because I can't tell
Just because I can't lose you as a friend.

mjad 2d

is a horrible thing.
It's wishing death upon
someone or something.
It's like love in the way of,
if it's not in your life, you
don't care that much.
Some people wish
they wouldn't or they don't,
they can't or they won't,
have hate in their hearts,
but really its on their part
whether or not the accept the crime.
The crime might be in their hearts,
but not in mine.

august 3d

i write when
my body feels too
heavy to carry my heart
so i let the paper and ink
find peace for me

august 4d

now that you’re gone

i found myself

blooming into a 
beautiful flower
i don’t need

your water to

keep me alive

Whatever it was, I felt it in my gut. Organically. Euphorically. Even when it came back up, I did not mind the taste. You made me feel like I could stomach anything though I always hated sour food, I spent my afternoons kissing you when I should have been at school. My grades started to drop and you told me college was a waste because the world did not need my help, you did. So I started learning how to fix broken things. There isn't much literature about broken people. They say you aren't there to fix them, but to love them instead but you drilled it in my head that those two were the same and that if I didn't do it I was useless so I ran myself thin trying to piece you back together. You never even told me what broke you in the first place. I spent months trying to get into your headspace to figure it out and you boarded the windows on our apartment so the heat could not get out, or that's what you told me anyway. I guess I never told you how I felt about all of this and I'll never get the chance, but you made me feel something I still can't. I look for it, believe me. I tried everything. Nothing matches the rush I got when you would knock me down then pick me back up. Nothing struck quite like your words even when they were used to step on the path I was planting for myself, but I never asked for help because I didn't know it was wrong. And now I don't know how to fix it, or me. I should have looked harder for those books on how to fix people, I guess.

How do you beat
the feeling of being defeated?

I've got taxi cabs where my feet once were
and left my cash on 39th in my purse

even if I had the money
I still have riptides in my chest
I know how to swim
but can't catch my breath

I feel alone
I feel defeated


It all happened so fast.
You were mine, and I was yours.
Love was brooding from those
tender lips.

It all happened so fast.
You became hers, and I was lost.
Love seeped through my
fragile fingertips.

originally written 5/28/16
The Lonely Bard Apr 15

Hoisted her like a princess,
Atop the flagpole of my poetry.
Hosted her like a daughter,
Never before did so in history.
But she's tried yet another,
So she was tired of my purity.

She got bored of the imaginary saddle.

My HP Poem #1503
©Atul Kaushal

You're my peace and my rest
At my worst and my best
My lover and my friend
My guardian till the end
My hope and my stay
Through night and through day
Together whenever
Now and forever

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