It felt like a trick
But there was no evidence
Just a feeling

I guess I always expect the worst
Or maybe I’m blind

The night washing over our heaving, fleshy carcasses. Like two crayfish in a current.

So you are telling me.
We ****** in a whirlpool of sound. In a dilapidated guest room.

There. Moaning into you with my eyes, I ravenously endowed our fevers.
And you make it into pretty words.
Prettier than I could ever polish my sprawling lobster legs into sounding.

Who talks like that.

you would light the candle on your desk
just as your mother told you
and you would pray
just as she told you.

i wish i could have been with you.

Pain I can take,
It's just nerves firing when all is said and done,
A few tiny tiny electrical impulses
Advising of damage or of hurt,

If it's not my head then
I can grasp it and isolate it and mitigate it
And bring the problem under control,
Mostly and more often than not,

Even a heart attack did not
Preclude a presentation duly prepared,
Albeit quieter and more hesitantly delivered
Than my usual confidence,

But the turning of friend
To unreasoning and un-listening foe,
This thing cannot be grasped nor quenched,
Even by a horse sized aspirin,

It leaves ones heart
Pierced with a jagged blade
That rips and tears a hole beyond
Imagining or control,

Faith and care and love
Hemorrhage uncontrolled
Like the tears that course down my face,
Or will if I permit,

The pain I cannot contain
But stoicism is my friend
This day and stoicism
Will stem the flow

Eventually

I'm sorry
You have to see
That I don't believe
You love me