Life expect you to fit in
But you feel like afterthought
As you were not meant to win
Summer led you to a naught
Then, we welcomed the cold back
And they all left like the birds
Even though it is all black
Alone isn't a bad word
The light will come back in waves
'Til you grab it for your sake
I promise you ; join the braves
And you alone will not ache
I think of the way he landed me on the map,
the way the first time he sat on my bed across from me and tried to explain to me how he felt, I could feel it.
I could feel how the world seemed to shift into this small microcosm of a fragment in time.
I could relate to him in a way I could never relate to anyone.
I could see his mind flash through the same tickling sensations as it did for me.
Somehow in the minutes, I turned.
I pushed the mirror up to my own lense, saw how weak my knees had become, saw how little I had inhabited my own mind.
I sat with him while he burst through the rapid fire responses of his brain grasping for dopamine,
I closed my eyes and allowed deep breaths to overpower me while I pictured tall evergreen trees surrounded by fog.
I pictured us standing in the eerie forest holding hands, inhaling misty, deep cold breaths while our bodies regulated to the surroundings.
I envisioned the way he kissed, how his lips feverishly grasped for mine, how I could forget the way the world spun for hours, days, weeks.
I could be placed into moments and feel them over power me, how roses smelt, the sun slowly setting, the cars speeding past.
I took in the time I had with him, the calamity it provided my five senses while I stuck my head out of his passenger window and watched as the stars chased us across state lines.
I didn’t excuse my behavior, I didn’t hide it. I allowed him to see the four am hospital beds, how sometimes the only time I could breathe was if I rolled to my side and bit down.
I impulsively let him into my life, I opened the door wide open and allowed him to see the sides of myself I didn’t recognize, I’d never personally met, I let him love me for all of it.
I let him hate me for all of it.
I met myself through his perception of me, through the way he held me, pushed me, pulled me.
I opened my arms wide to the potential he provided, the small details he could pick out that no one had bothered to do.
I fell hard and deeply, impulsively and erratically.
But I didn’t blame mania,
I didn’t blame myself.
I just held it close and ingested the time I had,
the only way I knew how to with him,
by simply being unapologetically myself.
Today, I smoked my last cigarette for you while I was staring at shades of green and lost love.
I inhaled my own emptiness wondering if I have already smoked my lungs to death.
I couldn't help but feel your touch as I took in the last moment of it all.
The touch of Butterscotch and Summertime.
I write because I'm in pain and over thinking things that don't need to be complicated.
Today I'm writing about love, because that is still what I feel for you.
My soul was covered in bruises and stitches.
One kiss of yours and my wounds were healed.
Now you're gone and my soul is forever weary and blue.
Blue, because that's the color of you.
I think blue will be my favorite color.
Superficial beauty is everywhere
And so is summer love affairs
Nobody even stops to care
or even realize that they teared
someone else's heart apart
Humans don't even know where to start
We should be kind to one another, treat each other all
as if we're sister and brother
And nobody has to be in starvation or sadness
if we just remove all the badness
that's in our hearts and in our mind
Then i think that we'd be fine