Every night, I felt more alive
During the day, my bones crumble
My eyes hurt and muscles ache
I live for the my pen sketching lines
I entrust my passion with my skills
I never thought I could actually execute this?

There are times I party until collapsing
Funny how I fill myself with alcohol
but fall on my knees at two
I'm so young but ashamed of it

It's so hard for me to accept before
all these words that I should learn more
Six times a day I spent mourning
instead of motivating myself in the morning

At the table, they tell me what to do
But fuck, what should I do?
I feel myself fading from existence
Do I still have a chance?
I'm already twenty
And I'm still here sitting pretty.

Scary it is, I feel scared to find myself alone
unlike before where I enjoy being lone
My generation and the younger ones
Are far more notorious than what you think

I want to go somewhere I could call my own
A perfect place for me to settle down
but I could not imagine myself living in a mansion.
You might think I'm insane,
but my heart feels lonely between the stone walls

I spent my life looking for happiness
I was left nothing but expectations getting ripped
My life missed all the opportunities and second chances
I seek for what I should have rather felt.

My hands feel the unwanted fire seeping inside me
All these losing myself and stress gets me
I don't know why I am like this,
I get called weak by many
but I'm a hero of my story
I get called wicked by some
But shit, I am the all of it.

The nights I spent inking papers
I saw myself getting exhausted to achieve perfection
should I give up? I think I should
So I dropped my pen and pursued something else

I stood in front of strangers and led them
I listen to their voices, but I couldn't handle my own
My feet started to ran away from myself
I was darn afraid of my ghost

I saw my feet got bruised
I lost everything and got myself abused
I spent countless nights over my heart
who beats for uncertainties
but what a fool, I held tightly to it.

For once, my head thought my heart is my hero
It's hilarious seeing my weep to over a heroine
I thought and believed was mine,
I realized she belonged to herself

My body got wasted with no alcohol
Drained from lemons, I kept on getting
I feel like bursting everything out
but If I do, I will lose it again.

A day ago, I got a memo that I should get it
I should catch my superior's drift
That playroom does not fit my age anymore.
But my heart thought this was a perfect place?
Should I let my alter ego fall in peace?

I forgot I was not anymore young
But I'm still embarrassed
My mind caught the idea of drifting soon
I should retract everything and come back to my roots
because I couldn't stay in paradise forever

My face should not be shield by art
instead I should make myself my masterpiece
What the fuck have I been doing all my life?
I regret that I let myself lose everything.

The door's closed
opportunity knocked
I want myself getting hit
by harsh words to pull a new me
I never knew that anywhere is a paradise for me
If acceptance's stamped on my feet,
Morals and knowledge circulate harmoniously inside.

Keeping my head up is what I need,
To leave the paradise, I've been
The people who had lived and died
Will soon return to their lives
Carrying nothing on our backs
But memories of the place we will leave behind.

The rhythm
of your flesh
tangles my veins
into a beautiful mess
of emotion;

like water
blooming on my
in the summer,
when it's too
hot for our skin
to kiss.

we dance;

you pull
my body close
like the moon
on a string

and my heart
thumps wildly
within my bones

as it flutters
right next to yours
to the pulse of
            and halos

bp pipp 7h

yellow spurting budding
forsythia and finches fly home

chirup chireep chirup, chirup chireep

and golden girls gallop
across paths and grassy places
retrieving jumping frolicking
summer is here

chirup chireep chirup, chirup chireep

at nighttime
silent night no more
cicadas come home again
and night brings no loneliness

chirup chireep chirup, chirup chireep

sparrow sings

cicadas harmonize
finches flirt feeding
yellow spurts budding

CGY 11h

We don't see the sun
Sequestered in caves of cool
Blistering summers

know what is gone
and what is beyond the dandelion veil

know what is just out of
reach, something you can just barely taste on the 

tip of your aching 

you're a whole-headed nightmare
some rare birdlike enigma 

flapping through the warm night
like godspeed, glory, send us away to some place we've never known

once, you told me my poetry was too sad
and if you were just there for me

maybe we wouldn't be a fire
of burning feathers

your bones
are my bones

and isn't that enough?

Another repost.

There once was a sneezer named Mose.
He'd sneeze to the tips of his toes.
   He once sneezed so heinous
   He puked out his anus,
And blew out his brains through his nose.


I'm ready to leave here.
Her eyes, her mouth, her breath,
they despise me.
They loathe me.
Ready for exile,
I will be pushed from June
and into the arms of July.
I will lay there
until I suffocate,
spores taking over my body,
the ocean of the sighing
forest floor choking me,
waiting in wretched harmony.
I'll be dreaming of yesterday
as the claws of tomorrow
tear my body to pieces.

~~ Summer is possessing me. ~~

Dulled bright blue as last of light
but time is night.
Where are the stars?
The Summer has eaten the refuse
electricity left.
What is want?
Blame people for the worst.
What is left?

What's left:

(thick skinned upright shells like cars so well developed for speed that the time they took to make is now time we save with quick cuts with content cut from cloth for your hands romantic now only in dream)

I learned to stop dancing with the memory of you
to stop hoping someone else might fit in the depression your body left on my mattress
you were not my saving grace
I wake up in the morning and my sheets kiss my bare skin
the sun running across my shoulders, warmer than your hands ever felt
I am whole without you, I am whole by myself

The dazzling lights
The music of the waltz
The shy boy who didn't want to dance
The shy girl who did
The outgoing girl who spoke to the shy boy
And all but forced him to ask
But the shy girl was dancing with the red head
And they were laughing
But eventually the song ended
And the shy boy came up
He all but growled out the invitation to the dance floor
The shy girl just laughed
And so together they learned the waltz

I realize this is incredibly lame sounding, but i wrote it awhile ago and reread it recently and I really like it alot actually.
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