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And I awake in the night, the aches and pain of tearing fibers everyday to have my body rebuild them
Its an unease, tossing and turning in my bed
Turning on music with no words, nightly hymns
Yet my mind drifts to a place, not so far, for now
That was simpler, filled with new experiences with new friends new places new family
I never quite knew if it was excitement, fear, or the newness that made me feel like I was on top of the world, maybe because I was out in the world
Of course I only remember the good, the fondness of the past grows with each passing day we stray further from it
But, when I awake in those nights, I feel a longing, the breath leaves my chest and it feels hollow and shallow to breath
I miss the nights wondering the town, drinking and sharing and getting lost with people I hardly know, yet know better than anyone within 2,000 miles. I miss the family that took me in, though I was anxious and could barely communicate, it was comfort that I remember the most. I miss the routine. I miss walking and the weather and the people and the clothes and the countryside. I miss how old that country is, the food, the lifestyle. I missed being a person, with a blank slate and being an explorer.
But, most of all, I miss the mundane of that place, the bus rides, the room, the dog, the walks. I missed the person I was and the life I was allowed to live.

Even if I were to go back, it would not be the same
It was the time and place in my life that I cannot revisit, not the location
so maybe that's what I feel in my chest, a longing for something that once was and can never be again
and even more than that, the hollow shallow breath is the fear of losing even just one of those memories, lost to time, to unconnected friends, to the country and family I left with tears in my eyes and cries in my chest when riding one last time to the plaza
Yvonne Han May 23
in the emptiness
of all these lonely nights
i drift slowly to the planet in my heart
and its knock
still mock
and stop
my every line

heels clicking
glasses chinking
the whisper of a forgotten light
flickers on and off
an endless chime

I just let the ringing echo
and in my mind
the sounds of my planet are the only peace I can find
so fluttering heart
un-still and unrefined
crack open and splutter onto the duvet
and let me listen to the sounds of the planet inside
Nicole Ann Apr 8
i go to bed trying to sleep
at the crack of dawn
where I hear the morning birds
chirp me lullabies
i’ve been playing too long
with fellow moon
that I’ve forgotten how life was
without the darkness
it's been a couple years since I last checked out this website, glad to see it's still running <3
Kassiani Nov 2022
This time of night
Is an old trap
And dog-eared
And well-worn
And haunted

Nothing good happens after two
—it's a funny little adage—
And I'm a funny little insomniac
Begrudgingly listening to my racing
In the silence
The restlessness gathering
Storms beneath my skin
Lightning sparking wildly across my mind

This is the hour of madness
This is when
E v e r y t h i n g
And all I can do
Is hope my muscles stay stuck to my bones
Hope my veins stay caged in my skin
Hope my lungs stay expanding against the weight
Of the darkness
AE Jul 2022
Dream, tell me
what have you heard
from the gossiping stars?
did they let my wishes
fall into the hands
of hummingbird nests?
did the quiet ocean blue
bring waves of things untrue?
Were you deceived by piano keys
lingering songs & eulogies?
Does the sun cleanse your lethargy
or are you like me?
Where it never reaches you in time
before everything fades to a quiet dark
tell me, Dream.
EmVidar Jan 2022
Its always the same
A quiet tug at the back of my skull
begging me to stay awake

-em vidar
Chris Jan 2022
Nights have me up
I'm awake with memories
Casting spells on a good night sleep

Life holds so many chapters
Telling these stories
Sometimes forgotten laughter
Sometimes it's so much better
Battling the days saying
Today would never be
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