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if i could just
find the trick
to remembering
that i was right
               all along
for a change
KG May 2023
"It's just blood"
They said passing the freshly glistened reddish iron tungsten blade as if it were a joint
And I took it.
Puff puff pass.
Now I puff alone for things I cannot exempt from being my own, problems, past

Yet I feed them everyday in hopes I end up drowning in the refuse

I tolerate as much as I despise.
yet I see me drinking by myself so much more frequently after pledging allegiance to my recovery, yet,
I've never allowed myself to recieve accolades under the influence.
So, why shouldn't I observe those medals of silver and bronze without dismissal: due to performance enhancement.
Isn't society run on caffeine?

I hope these demons like heavens door whiskey.
Intense internal screaming intensifies
wes parham May 2023
You worked with words wrapped tightly round,
This secret life of thought.
You sorely want to win, by hand,
Each battle that was brought.
But how can someone understand,
What every stranger knows?
You placed a bleak reminder  note,
where your integrity goes.

You put it off and tried to smile,
But waiting made it hard to live.
You'd seek for her forgiveness but,
There’s hardly any
                                  left to give.

Come back to life, my dearest friend,
You’ve had more than enough.
That inner voice, with strength to lend,
Is  your best ally when things get rough.
What life, the life of the mind?  Nice place to visit, but  wouldn't recommend living there.

   That’s what I originally wrote on the first draft of this.
It is an _old piece. It was born out of a dissatisfaction with written forms of personal expression.  They always seemed to lack something and just became “bleak reminders “ instead of the mighty statements you imagine them to be.  
   The middle part imagines that there is someone the speaker ought to reconcile with but lacks the will to believe that it would be worth it.  I wanted to imply that they’ve used their last favor or given up hope.    
   The final stanza came much later and serves as a reminder to listen to that inner voice, be your own ally even when you’re feeling doubt and defeat.  
Here, I shrug, trust the muse, and hit “save” before I change my mind.
ibwib Feb 2023
lay thine eyes
upon our knight.
witness
for he has arrived.

trumpets blow
crowds cheer
as he falls to his knees
and cries.

venerated
he bellows
this and that about
his unlikely disguise
the tolls
of his "feat".

while each hearty roar
to his surprise

drowns unheard
in love
fear
and pity.
Lo Jan 2023
The reason you say
you've had enough is because
you don't feel you are.
T R Wingfield Oct 2022
‘Cause you  never wrote any of the good parts down
You just lived ‘em
and let ‘em
s
 l
   i
     p
          
             a

                           w
                                               a                    y

You knew better
than to try to capture
the silliness in its hay day
because then you’d have
to face the facts of
the very choices
that you’d made;
and there would be no question -
whether it’s was worth it -
to waste the days by trading them
for nights of frivolity and frolicking -
Of frittering away.
What should have been,
and what is so,
and where it came from,
and who’s to blame
would all be there in Black and white,
instead of vanishing in the haze.

And in your own hand, no less;
your words,
a confession dictated day by day
of what, With your own eyes,
you did see
- All the magic and the wonderment of this tragic comedy -
through foggy lenses, bottle-thick and stained:
dreary ramblings in shadows made,
and heard and said
a many things
in drunken dangling reparteé.
{•:[\|/]:•}no one ******* cares{•:[\|/]:•}

                                          _ -====- _
                                      . + T  [ ^ ] T + .
                                   /  .•^•.    .•^•.   \
                                  |   <(•)  }  {  (•)>   |
                                  (..          /^\          ..)
                                   \* /|'_'_'_'_'|\ */
                                      \\ V         V //
                                        \\ ^----^ //
                                          \ '-''-'-''-' /
                                             * -_'_- *

                                          _ -====- _
                                      . + T  [ ^ ] T + .
                                   /  .•^•.    .•^•.   \
                                  |   <(•)  }  {  (•)>   |
                                  (..          /^\          ..)
                                   \* /|'_'_'_'_'|\ */
                                      \\ V         V //
                                        \\ ^ __ ^ //
                                          \ '-''-'-''-' /
                                             * -_''_- *

(Found beneath the body of the author, who was crushed by the weight of a megalithic stone- his writers block)
p.s. - I spent far too much time on the ascii vampire skull; but isn't it neat?
Joshua Notah Jul 2022
You're such a *******
Do you really think you're legit?
Why do you tell yourself these lies?
Can you not see it in their eyes?

My mind can be so intrusive
Making self worth ******* elusive
I spend time alone
Hoping these thoughts throw me a bone

Why are compliments so scary?
Especially from the ones who are merry
Instead I thrash them like a swordsman's parry
Thinking they've mistaken me for Harry

I got money in the bank
But no money on me
Putting pen to paper helps me see
Honestly be whoever the hell you wanna be
birdy May 2022
my life has started whirling
down a sink of self doubt
I question everything I love
because my perfect life
has started to crack
revealing all the aches
I had tried to cover
silvervi May 2022
Connected
Is what I want us to be
I should give us the chance
No running away

The confidence we'll need
We'll find
If this is what will happen.
I just want to trust
In your eyes
I will meet my fears
And go beyond

It's gonna be worth it
To show you my tears
Fall into your arms
I want this
But it only will happen
If it's supposed to.
I can't force it, you know.
Though I can stay present for us
And believe in the best outcome.
I'd never want to hurt you ever
Trust me
How you feel does matter
To me

I am afraid
And shaking insecurely
Can you bear my unaware times
Can you hold me when I am almost breaking in 1000 tears...
Biting together my teeth
Caring about what every body thinks..

I am honestly afraid
To get lost in somebody else's eyes
But if that's what is supposed to happen
Then I guess it will
...
Guess there's a part of me
That's searching for someone else
To fall for
And that part I have tried to ignore
But I'll try and accept it after all
Otherwise it'll always be there...
I know it's hard to trust
When I tell you these things
When I share everything....
Is it fair?

I still think I could get to know you better
Every time I tried to listen to you
You showed your true self
Opened up I guess..
I might be too confused and distracted by my own self all the time..

I won't be sorry but I struggle on the inside.
Will I be able to transform myself?
Though then it won't be for you...
Nor for nobody else.
I have to do it for myself.
Cause otherwise the lesson will come again... It will repeat itself.
Jude Quinn Apr 2022
Broken glasses on the floor
And people sleeping on your rug.
It never ceases to amaze you
That these sort of things happen to you.

It seemed like you
Lived most of your life,
Testing the idea
That friends can be **** too.

But, somehow, there are always people
Offering to buy you cigarettes,
And that scares you
In ways you can't properly express.

You watch the rain fall
From the garden door,
Because going to bed
Means being alone with your thoughts
And you can't imagine
A worse place to be.

Everyday
You say you'll try to be more "normal",
But you don't know what that means anymore.

They told you
That the pills would help,
But that the rest was on you;
You've always felt that the only thing between yourself
And the rest of the world is you.

I miss
Not knowing these things
And hurting myself in the most stupid ways.
I miss not being afraid
Of losing people.

What does that mean?
What if I'm a monster?
What if I don't deserve half of what I have?
What if you found out I think these things?
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