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Kate Oct 5
I thought the test was done and over
I thought that there was no more need for a mask
Yet I only proved how much space is seeking for something like the usual knowledge that fills it
I thought the ****** has already peaked
That peace is always what comes after war
That I was finally allowed to break face and stretch my cheeks
I never once thought that there was space for more
That I haven't yet escaped the forced normalcy everyone is insisting to keep
That I've always played around in the palm of their hands with no chance to get away

The birds are chirping continuously in a rhythmic beat
Found in the chamber where I keep everything I hold dear
With each chirp loudly echoing in the nothingness it is encased in
I can feel it around me
The growing goose bumps on my skin
The ghostly presence I still consider tentative
The piercing silence that I am afraid to break

I am still looking for that four leaf clover
The one that can finally rearrange the stars according to my sign
One that can make a bench warmer like me worth something

Yet a doll that holds no importance whatsoever
Is only a useless way of using space
Where a shiny medal or a bright smile can be placed
How much even is the worth of a doll
That is burnt and chipped all over that the child who once held it dearly
Now looks at it in shame
Shoved far away and below everything else
Even below baby pics and year old mints

What use are they anyway in a world where everything must be convenient and valuable
What is the purpose of staying in this world that makes you feel no longer needed
It doesn't matter if you are unique
Cause if you are useless
You are worthless
R B M Sep 25
I heard you said that I was pretty,
But it was obviously a mistake.
How could a guy like you
Have feelings for me?
I'm not cool or good looking.
Not funny or slimming.
Nor am I formal,
Half the time I'm just trying to be normal.

I get the feeling that you're proud of me,
Are you wrong, too?
I'm not as smart as the smartest kids,
But not as average as the averages.
No one ever notices me try and do something,
So how'd you figure that you noticed my nothings?
'Cause last time I checked, I was a bore.
When I talked to you, you walked toward the door.

I see that you are smiling at me,
Those white pearls showing.
That doesn't make much sense to me
Because no one likes me the way I am.
I've had fake friends before,
But this seems real as well as odd.
I'm too closed up and definitely too weird.
Too different for anyone as normal as you with all your previous nasty sneers.

This is weird,
It just isn't right.
No one can love me,
At least not the way I am.
I just wish I could see what is fake and what is real,
Because now I don't know how to feel.

You liking me,
That's just not right,
It doesn't make sense,
And it makes me confused.

That's just not right
R B M Sep 24
Stop!
They don’t really like you.
They are only being nice because of who your family is.
They’re using you.
You’re not good enough to have real friends.
How could you possibly think you were good enough?
You’re too weird.
One day when your family doesn’t matter they’ll drop you with a snap of their fingers,
Just.
Like.
That.

Hold on!
Your mom doesn’t love you.
She has every reason not to.
You’re your father’s kid, girl,
Just having the same genes as him could probably get you kicked out.
You ***** up to much, such a disappointment.
She has plenty of kids, you and your brothers aren’t needed to make this family work.
She has a handpicked child, and two more that are perfect,
Red hair, taller, bigger, better, and simply not a McKay.

Wait just a second!
He doesn’t actually think you’re pretty.
You know you’re **** and the glasses make it worse.
He is tricking you.
No one will ever truly like you.
You’re not pretty enough, smart enough, cool enough.
Face it, you are just one big fat fraud.
And even if someone actually did like you,
They would change their mind quickly because you’re messed up.

I hope you know, everything is your fault!
God gave up on you, that’s why I tell you not to pray, you are beyond repair.
Your parents’ divorce, not having friends, not being pretty, me, it’s all your fault.
I’m in here screaming at the top of my lungs, diverting your attention, because of you.
And I will never leave, in fact, as you grow up, day by day I’ll add.
Self-doubt, Anxiety, Depression, Loneliness.
And they won’t leave either.
We will always be here, reminding you that you’re a failure, and won’t ever be enough.
...Until you stop trying...

You need to learn to control us!
We won’t know how to save you.
We’ve eaten out your soul, making you stop doing what you love and need to do.
We can’t stop, but we don’t want it to go too far.
One day you’re going to have yet another panic attack,
Shaking, crying, and screaming out while your heart starts to combust, falling into what we say,
And suddenly you’ll go through with the plan you’ve always thought of but were too scared to do.
We’ve given you reasons of things not to do, but that day we might not be able to pull through.
One day it will be too late, and because of us, you don’t have anyone who will help you.
esridersi Sep 18
said the Thing alone in his head
“how many steps must i stay ahead  
of fear and self-doubt
lest they figure me out
and peel the skin I’ve twice shed?”
we share much more in common with monsters than we'd dare consider.
Seth Jul 17
a lingering feeling of dread settled into her mind,
and mixed within it, nestled an empty pride,
she was tangled in the twists and knots of a bewildering life,
her hatred, anger and sorrow were results of the self-doubt kindling inside,
in her heart what she felt was real, but what laid in her thoughts were lies,
a fallen angel who told herself she hadn't wings, so she couldn't fly,
if only she'd see what I could.
ur beautiful.
Karen Horsley Jul 13
searching for the truth
buried inside
buried beneath layers of expectation
apprehension and self-doubt
confidence camouflaged by reality
soul-searching scrutiny
suspicion and speculation
introvert – extrovert
are we who we really are?
copyright © 2019 Karen Horsley
blueskydays365.com
I was asking him a question.
He kept a straight face,
Never looking at me,
No response whatsoever,
Or any indication that he heard me.

And I,
Knowing fairly well,
That I EXIST as an individual,
Started questioning my existence.
Why do I need approval from others to feel my own existence?
Olivia Nery May 22
I'm in need.
My self doubt like a snowball
and it's picking up speed.

I'm in need.
I look like a flower
but I grow like a ****.

I'm in need.
My head trapped in a cage
and it must be freed.

I let the feeling in of loss spread in my chest like a devious seed.
Why do I do these things when they cause me to bleed?

If I just keep pushing
I will never succeed
I will reach too far down this road
Where it is too late to recede
Down into my throat
These false fixes i force feed

reassurance
support
love
honesty

What do I need?
In times of deep insecurity, support is needed most. And most times, rarely acquired.
Lost May 11
Light me
And tend to me
My flames are weary coals
Stir my insides
Until something catches

Just a spark will do
Just a glimmer of energy
To light me up

Watch as I glow in the heat
Watch and stare
Right through me

I am a jack-o’-lantern
A smile carved into ripe skin
Tealight attempting to illuminate
My cavernous body
Scraped clean
Of guts and worth
Empty entity
Godless gourd

Gaslight dwindling in darkness
My path is unclear
Gasoline glow
Faintly wavering
In whipping wind

Lighter gears grinding
Under the pressure of
A still hand
I can’t seem to stop shaking
Long enough
To work mine

Light me please
Give my eyes
Something to reflect
Give my freezing fingers
The warmth of relief
Light me and see
If flames will animate
My dormant being
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