She believes herself to be broken, but what is broken anyway? Aren't we all a little broken? A daily battle with her inner demons, she is never at rest. How can she fight back? She doesn't have the energy to, she is just trying to survive. She is consumed by all the doubts she has placed on herself, confirmed by the critiques made by the crowd she surrounds herself with. She always seems to choose the wrong kind of love, because that's all she knows. But she herself is love... and she doesn't know that yet.
I think we all have somebody who we wish could love themselves the way we love them.
Silence I’m trying find the words to say I’m trying to figure out the words to write I need to say something I feel it in my chest It’s a pressure that’s weighing me down It’s a rag in my mouth Silencing me Something is bothering me Something is making me uneasy Something is affecting me Something is changing me Is it for the better? I don’t know yet Growth happens when your uncomfortable Is that why I’m so anxious? Is that why my mind is racing Is that why I’m shaking Something triggered me I’m thinking back through my routine I went to work I was listening to loud music Ahhh Now I remember The protesters triggered me Looking at each one of their faces as they called me a murderer Lined up one by one Condemning me to hell Screaming blood is on my hands I work at a women’s clinic I’m helping women I’m helping Right?
As the early morning sun is peeking behind the mountains in my backyard, I begin to romanticize a day where I do not doubt, a day where I do not indulge in self-sabotage, a day where I believe I am capable of achieving my childhood dream.
The lights don’t work in this room. It’s been so long I don’t remember if they ever did. But it never fails, I’ll always try. One flick with no change and I look at the switch as if I doubt my own fingers, then I try again. It’s muscle memory at this point, a lie my brain has tricked my body into believing. “This time, it’s going to work.” It never does, but ****** if I don’t keep trying. Maybe one day I’ll actually get it fixed, but then what will I do when it works the way it should? Will I remember to skip that next step? Will I finally trust myself or will I still flick the switch off again and on again?