It's been a while
Since I last logged on
Seeing my poetry with a smile
And wondering if my subscribers are gone

make art everywhere
undress the lucky ones just to find out what makes them tick.
know a boy for 4 days, decide you like his personality, kiss him behind your best friends shed
stop acting like there's something more to the hurried way he lights his cigarettes.
It was never supposed to happen like this.
but, i fell in love with the way you broke your promises
I spent weeks breathing air only to realize it was only the way you grabbed my hips that mattered.
stuck in this endless loop of trying to teach the sun to forgive and the moon to forget
i've been lost in moments of tilted sunlight and dancing fingertips.
Now I'm thinking maybe I never loved you more than this.
yes, I drank the darkness
tell dad i'm off to get drunk with the creator.


I'm only a rough draft with tentative revisions lying on your bedside table. This is what happens to me at night.
yes, I drank the darkness.
This is how I stay up trying to capture the memory of light before it was ****** into your coffee cup eyes. Trying to understand how I continuously fit so perfectly into your palms after I've told myself for months that I'd outgrown your games. And when we fell in the mud I screamed I would not get cleaned up at your place but, took your hand anyway. Cuz' it was always a ***** little love we had anyways. But, I'll tell you what, it ***** realizing your life is full of a bunch of romantic metaphors that don't mean jack ****.  And that rain falls through roofs every once in a while in a healthy home but, I've just been saying my palms were enough defense against this storm. Is it okay to ask for help now? Lightning, the old frenemy, has split me right open and no this is not an excuse to dig. I just need a warm body to carry me home tonight.
I don't want your pity I want art.
you're not the man of my dreams but you're this boy that'll do.

I do not know how to turn this into poetry,
so I say it in the dark,
while we cover our eyes.
And it isn't fair,
really.
I don't see you for years,
and I'm still not over you?
You used to say that running away from things
doesn't make them go away.
Well, good,
then.
Even after all this time.
It was always hard to watch you give up on everything.
I never wanted to be a part of that list.
For the record,
I think I'm in love with you.
You smile the same way you did
when we were 16;
artless and unbinding,
like it is pivotal that everything stays this way
for just one more moment.
We grew up,
but we are still the same.
That boundless love of living--
the joy of it.
This
and this,
and this,
I say.
I look at you like I never learned to do anything else.

.......

I know the way I left you wasn't the easiest way to leave.
I'm sorry I couldn't have made it easier-
somehow lessen all this grief.
But you see I've been struggling for some time with a broken heart
and my best efforts to repair it couldn't begin to start
To take away the pain I felt
To help me feel some hope
My spirit was dying daily
and I lost all strength to cope
So don't let yourselves be troubled
Never think to blame yourselves
For I have gone to God who is over all
Seeking the One True Source of help
Know that I will love you for forever
and that I can't wait for you to see
the wondrous gift of healing
God is fashioning in me.

I haven't seen
you in a
while.
Have I
told you
I love your
smile?

She walked away, and I shouted back, "I'm not asking for forever!"
She stops. She turns in the aisle and sadly smiles.
"That's why I'm leaving." My own smile drops.
And that's the end of that endeavour. Because time never really stops.
Forever is all some people want, and they won't settle for just a while.
Even if a while is all that I've got.