Kisses like lighter fluid and the world was out of matches. How there were never enough corners or dimly lit rooms. When parties just meant you didn't have to change the sheets and the music was always just loud enough. But change you did, and how my breath was taken away every time till there was just no oxygen left to fuel the fire...
This heart I hold can't hold me back from you.
loving you to lose you
"I hate you now as much as I will ever hate you."
Our fingers laced with strained prose and my blooming heart.
There's only so many ways to tell you this without us both realizing we might have not yet learned our lesson.
The truth is, there's no way for me to know how much this really hurts. I've cast myself numb to the touches of future lovers and to be honest I've said too many times that I would cast this out of my mind but, baby, if you loved me, would you leave me?
Could we bury this romance in a candlelight processional and a chorus of holy reverence, how long could we hold each other till our arms crumbled to dust under the six feet of people we once were?
Would our kisses turn to ash so close to new flames we might light?... could either of us stand the flames?
We'll be okay, I know in time this too shall fade but once, I had high hopes. Once I was left confused crying to a plane window and you couldn't tell me anything to ease the chaos in my mind. Why would you offer yourself to me like that if you didn't want me too?
I'm so stressed, pressing on for answers but, maybe there's nothing to find.
I'll move forward.
I couldn't 'hate' you more.
To denounce your right to know.
Who to love and how to hold them
...whenever you work up the courage to.
"I will love you forever, whenever you want me to..."
Yesterday, I beat the **** out of a TV with my father's golf club.
The day before that I beat the **** out of myself just thinking about every moment I ever thought about you.
"Surrounded, your blood, skin and pleasure drown me out."
You mentioned holding her hand in the breakroom and my mind couldn't help fleshing it out. The glaring pine tabletop reflecting the shine in her eyes. Her body leaned forward, yours relaxed but arm outstretched, hand curled to cup the outside of hers till she rolls her wrist and you rub your thumb over her knuckles... But I couldn't draw all that. A sketch never hurt so bad.
"I'm not one to be..
want what you want"
I want to be whole again.
I wake up and I keep forgetting
"I'm not accusing you of being in love with me but, that's how I felt when I had my heart broken"
I think I'm just used to sending nudes
I am shaking up the filament again. This flickering bulb can hardly illuminate half of how much I've ****** up now.
How weak was I to try and be the judge of my own feelings.
How I was better off leaving them in your hands, to be thrown by the words spilling out of your mouth and the stature of your scared heart.
I was losing myself in how vehemently I refused to be lost in you. Confused by the twisting pull of our hands together and cringing at the pop of your bones as they flexed to hold me.
And when I finally laid still, how tears leapt without warning and I still refused to let you see them.
Still, I wanted to scream it was not okay, that I would not kiss you, that I wished we said goodbye a week ago, in casual passing, not now.
And I wished it was just timing that had us so vulnerable, nothing but lighting and flux hormones.
But the truth is, I don't know.
And I'll never know how ****** I am for this or if I could've truly loved us or if you could've of held me without popping or if I would've even let you.