I saw the writing on the wall, forever slow upon the draw
Its just the beginning- the beauty of infancy,
celebrating the baby’s first steps.
At times I need a minute just to catch my breath, at other times I feel so ever quick to cash in all my chips.
I question if you’ve felt the same.
My past is riddled with a longer list of what consists of shame- in terms of pennies on the dollar,
I’m the brokest of the lame.
I’ve had the aims of matchless flight,
I’ve fought the battles not to fight,
but on this night you’ve rattled cages,
and exposed just how shamelessly, what’s good is truly right.
Still I’m caught off guard when petrified beyond a breath.
Calm my trembling hand,
Please build a man who’s firm to stand,
I beg you’d loosen up my grip
Before I slip and fall on sinking sand.
I get shattered bones when struck by beauty;
Should I touch?
Is this forbidden fruit?
Is she the tree of Eden’s garden?
Has my fear become a crutch?
Can I be trusted
when there’s ****?
Am I disqualified from love?
Cause in this moment I’m completely incapacitated by this drug.
I flee from struggle, it’s a challenge.
Are there habits not to quit?
Yet there’s something different here,
It’s unique in how it shifts.
I watch these movements closely,
while I’m fearful of the critics eye.
Terrified that I’ve become, what I have known, who I despise.
Frustrated to the core when little foxes nip and pick,
At what I know is crafty workings of a gardener with gifts.
They come to feast the choicest fruits, they gnaw and nibble at the roots-
if I had any sense at all, I’d buy the biggest pair of boots;
three sizes bigger then what fits and tie them tighter than a noose;
go trouncing through that garden;
not thinking twice about the fact that “oh, those foxes seem so cute.”
I’d kick them hard and send them running- one by one, then two by two.
Exhausted in the end, but maybe then we’d have our chance to rest.
Not alone, but now together- we’d be closer non the less.
Catch the foxes for us father, cause even if I give my best.
My self sustaining effort will not help us past this test.