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watching for air                              a mad thing of static to do
unwashed  i hold it all foreign   my perspectives clothed as the enemy
an agreed muscle of tension       with pockets fracked into my hands 
i look out the window   wide agape guidance                                                     invasive drills of heat   the giving sunlight ; punishing,
a tree,   the grieving buildings
the whinging of cicadas
and here i am     watching for air

one point for the weather                                                      
one­ point for the view                                                            
­one big point for my ****** condition                                
one point for the passers by and their galling dramedies

and there it is ; the wiry plan that's built                        
from one small tickle of wild thought              
                                 formed long ago
trickling to the current day
some whipped wit of poisoned psychology          
     fed to the inbreed   (welcome   you panting imp)
decades of saved up fatty layers
a deed   of habitual sediment
retching until the tide laps become still
   a cured and congealed gladness
marbled, a butcher would say
i am full and hearted and heated and padded senseless
        turned under a heel   with my wastrel history
  i’ve accomplished this     a stifled condition
                               of poisoned obscenity

seated deep        almost fully incapacitated  
in my armchair   on this chummy day
my leisure clothes greasy     sluck against my blemished hide
a packet of cigarettes   to my side
rounded upon  by sounds of the neighbours affairs
with a gasp of energy   i 'skin one off' vigorously
my system trembling   with years of hard liquor
borderline   to a state of unconscious whelm
retained final       prime for ignition
i could manage a spectacle
a blinding flare
                                  a glorious incineration
and the release
                      of my true oder

i light a match for my cigarette
a glass bottle                                                                                  
         and not simply shatter       with  '*******' explosion    
(though it is an option)

imagining the worst sinnings in the rooms surround
Pyrrha 7d
For the first time in months,
I prayed
Before my statue of Apollo,
I kneeled
With my candle lit
I held my open palms to the sky
I cried
Before Apollo,
I begged
For the first time in months,
I had to believe
There was something beyond me
That could bring you what you need
She is my comfort in my storm,
The breath in my lungs
The soul in every poem that I write

When her hands are on my body
And her lips are on my neck
Her name is the prayer on my lips
I never believed in religion until she had me on my knees for her
So many things
I've endured,
To be where I am

Molestation, aggravation,
All the things
They did to me...

Suicidal? Hesitation?
What are these
Two things to me?

So many names
Like games they play

For whatever is
Wrong with me.

But all I see
Is a sea
Of hopelessness;

A broken Me...
And I can't see
A cure for my

Deadly disease...

I just see "Me"...
I've gone through a lot in my life. I've loved and lost; I've wandered and wondered. I've hoped and dreamed: I've yelled and screamed... but every night,  I suffer... in silence.
Zywa Mar 15
I am not as good

as I can be. I'm afraid --

of God. Pray for me.
Ragnar (Ingvar Sigurdsson) in the movie "Vanskabte land" ("Deformed countries"/"Godland", 2022, Hlynur Pálmason)

Collection "Secrets & Believers"
Isaace Mar 10
As we walked through the old church, once more,
We saw little Andoni was there, sitting scared,
Asking us: "have you forgotten our prayer?"
He was angry and very square.

And, in the corner,
Shrouded by smoke,
Mahershalah Ali was there.
He watched on with an exalted air.

So we carried little Andoni to the aqueduct.
And we sat in the aqueduct— square.
And we sat in the aqueduct until midnight,
Where we had first concieved of our prayer.
Yeah, shining though
Jealous, but have history with me smiling though
Gave anything you need, yet spit on my name though
Gave myself some space, I know the lies you told
Used to be there for you at your highest lows
Used to come over just to watch episodes on HBO
Now it’s just silent, the convo’s are more personal
Drink all the energy vs. pour life for growth
No longer will I be your shoulder to cry on
All the love given from you was just for show
All the love became false, this not my first rodeo
Navigate through life, hoping the transition flows
Don’t know where I’ll end up as I grow old
Maybe the quicker I grow old, God will call me home
Last time I thought like this I was home alone
Asking the Lord to take me home, feeling unknown
Thinking people would like me better on my tomb stone
But I’ve grown, just not on my own, God set the tone
Avoiding a lot of poisonous views
Use to allow boundaries to cross paths in a painful bruise
Saw a side of myself that grew in mental abuse
Mind could’ve dispatch if I lose, but I never do
So I pray & hobby daily like it’s double shift
Reject any wicked ***** wealth swallowed, venomous slips
More blessings to come very soon for being genuine
Woke up to conquer another day, victory is mine to win
Remember the fun days with no money in our wallets?
Finding ways to hustle & stretch money to buy drinks like we’re alcoholics
nowadays we’re living luxury, smiling and laughing about it
Funny how that year changed us together, every time we talk about it
Memory flash, when I close my eyes at night
Waking up to a bright sun to a new day at life
Trying to remember that good dream before those flashing lights
Rest assured, my bond for you is right
Get no rest days, work 80 hours in 6 days
Never settle for temporary short-change
Improved to upgrade, therapy session really had me locked in
Time flies like a man in his dream sleepwalking
Went from Club “Lit” Saturday nights, to club “Life”
Club “Life” to creating a club at home with family and kids
My priority change when I decided to pursue this
Intentions will come at you at the highest expense
Especially actions that represent the real me
And frame a reflection, in the mirror, to really get a good look at me
Whatever helps cut down my image flaws to bloom a better me
No one knows my flesh that harm me, trying to build a lesser me
But God’s love armored me successfully
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