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Mar 2019 · 221
Finding Self
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2019
she silenced her phone
trashed the social media
cast off weary fake friends
ceased to lay eyes on junk
or accept empty invitations

she was like a tree or a flower
rudely dug up and replanted
in a grotesque garden

there was one way to wholeness
one unrushed road to finding self
and it wasn’t out there
or hiding somewhere

it was a gentle determined stroll
the deep measured cleanse
feeling the slow but sure growth
down to the roots of her tingly toes
until she and the earth around her lightly sighed
Mar 2019 · 179
New Skin
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2019
Let the binding fall to the ground
those things that once were you
let them drop as late leaves
see how easy they go
no resistance
no return
that is how it is
that is how letting go can be

When all you were has passed
you will laugh wearing your new skin
proud… with sunbeams in your eye
miraculously… today
you entirely cast off your old self
I also posted this on Soundcloud as a spoken word poem.
https://soundcloud.com/suzyhazelwood/new-skin-poetry
Mar 2019 · 150
Somewhere
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2019
There’s a drawer
somewhere
metaphorically

With all the stories
i’ve yet to write

Temporarily
i seem to have
lost the key
Nov 2016 · 405
Say No
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2016
Say no
to what binds
darling say no
everyday
say no to lies
knock them back
lay them stone dead
everyday
say yes to life
Nov 2016 · 752
Silent
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2016
When you are silent
when you are mind hunting
I too shall be silent
and help you hold back the wolves
Oct 2016 · 922
Jangling Ghost
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
you are here again
you drift in and out
my tiresome wilting nightmare

you are the endless haunt
of my darkest nights
the sleeping hours
soaked with raw unease

what was the point
in lusting and loving
piercing the depth of our souls
why bind ourselves
in a luscious nest
if it was waiting to fall

i lie on our barren bed
fragments of who i was
splayed on the floor
waiting for a good day
the strength to gather them all
and rebuild myself

please remove your essence
don't play me with your jangling ghost
break the chains
cast my desire to black
let my eyes
never fall on you again

leave me
in this abandoned home
to live my days in cold blood
close the unwritten chapters
let this haunting end
Oct 2016 · 659
Complication
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
She has nothing to say
not one simple word
to explain
how she arrived
at this complication
Oct 2016 · 649
Rain
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
Sometimes all we need
is silence in our head
and the sound of rain
Oct 2016 · 392
Another Day
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
She wanted to say so much
but....
thoughts rushed like rivers
she saved words in a jar
for another day
Oct 2016 · 390
Company
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
You haunted me
all through the night
thank you
for keeping me company
darling
please do it again
Nov 2015 · 19.0k
Light Finds You
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2015
When there seems
no progressive road
the past
savage
cruel
light finds you
the way out
whispers
the door awaits
I created a spoken word version on SoundCloud today, if anyone is interested -> https://soundcloud.com/suzyhazelwood/light-finds-you
Nov 2015 · 1.1k
Refresh
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2015
Come
drink tea with me
lets talk of halcyon days
watch burdens
fall with shame
refresh our jaded souls
Nov 2015 · 555
Poison
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2015
I arrived in the autumn of your life
the bright young thing
the eternal optimist
the one who allowed naivety
to shine too far

Never acknowledging the lies
woven intricate tales
you spoon fed me
every one

I'm awake now
but poison
takes time to die
Nov 2015 · 848
Windows
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2015
Every home
has a window
but walls
can hold so much

There are faces
never seen
voices unspoken

I see sky invade
shifting clouds to mirrors
sunbeams turn glass to jewels
homes are shining

But who sees through the gleam?
Who perceives beyond the wall?
Who knows the tales behind windows?
Written after a long illness, being aware of how the world was still moving outside my window when my life was feeling very still and weak, and no-one passing by knew what I was going through.  Made me wonder just how much suffering of all kinds goes on behind windows and closed doors - and no-one ever sees beyond the sunlight reflected in pretty windows.  There is so much we never see.
May 2015 · 6.5k
Puzzle
Suzy Hazelwood May 2015
Nothing
is ever
as it seems
when understanding
is understood
another puzzle arrives
May 2015 · 10.9k
"Speak"
Suzy Hazelwood May 2015
An open book
glowing white page
ink enticing
seducing me...
“speak”
Apr 2015 · 2.4k
Euphoria - Never Again
Suzy Hazelwood Apr 2015
Euphoria said “drink me”
I drained the bottle
got lost on cloud nine
heavy head
sorry heart but...
sober again
never again
Life's lesson can be lasting!! ;o)
Apr 2015 · 484
In Search For A Little More
Suzy Hazelwood Apr 2015
Even on dull days
when I fail to find reason to smile
laughter
falls through a window
and makes me wonder
why I abandoned it for hell

If laughter has gone ahead
and left you way behind
go and search
for a little more
here......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to7uIG8KYhg
I know this is a little unusual for me, but these twins just made me roar laughing.  I often find videos on You Tube that make my day - so just wanted to spread some of their joy! :oD
Apr 2015 · 1.5k
Cafés
Suzy Hazelwood Apr 2015
There are days
when I sit alone in cafés
with coffee as my friend
and a book as my reason
for why I stay so long

Pretending not to watch
not seeing anyone
I stare at my book
and make out I read
when all the while
I sneak a look
I hear their talk

It seems to me
many are short on luck
so much dreaming
of all they can’t have
and some
have dreamed so large
it shatters their soul

I wondered why
I waste my time
love to stay
in the company of cafés
what was this fascination
turned to addiction?

I sit in cafés
because I need to know
I’m not the only one
it’s not just me
who is short on luck
not just me
who’s afraid to dream
not only I
who’s soul needs repair
Apr 2015 · 1.1k
From The Ashes
Suzy Hazelwood Apr 2015
From the ashes I will rise
let dust fall
from my aching limbs
unmoved by ghosts
of yesterday
and rest in the place
that waits for me
Originally written as a image poem, it looked like this -> -> https://wordmusing.wordpress.com/2013/08/10/from-the-ashes/
Mar 2015 · 1.3k
Ideas Are Like Tall Trees
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2015
Ideas are like tall trees
they begin microscopic
small beams of humble enlightenment
of what they could become
until a mighty body emerges
and boughs like warrior arms reach
draping and lush
inviting suggestion

I am surrounded
by many eager minds
towering above
my own meagre imagination
kings and queens
of profound thought
how they stretch to find me
so my inner eyes
may witness restoration

Ideas are like tall trees
where even darkness
fails to demolish
http://darcyellington.tumblr.com/post/114089663160/ideas-are-like-tall-trees-they-begin-microscopic
Mar 2015 · 886
Speak Of Love
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2015
We speak of love
when we'll never know it
never touch the flesh or bone
we worship each other
in perfect words
fantasy whirling in our heads
making us dizzy with desire

You
never letting go
Me
holding you close
http://darcyellington.tumblr.com/post/74416954717/we-speak-of-love-when-well-never-know-it-never
Mar 2015 · 498
I Hear The City Singing
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2015
I look to the blackest sky
bright stars stare down
at my sorry head
they sparkle
suspended
glitter pretty
but you
are not here

I hear the city
singing
humming in traffic
feet rushing
busy
happy life
endless
flowing
and I
am so still

I see you standing
taking the view
smiling
at this place we love
it glows
like Christmas
at night
and we
belong

You turn to me
reach your hand
your lips moving
words faint
darkness
swallows you whole
and you
are gone

You
are not here
http://darcyellington.tumblr.com/post/81501916240/i-look-to-the-blackest-sky-bright-stars-stare-down
Feb 2015 · 1.1k
Silence Writes
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
So many things
I could say
I don't
won't
can't
so many things
the world will never know
silence writes in poetry
For as much as I write about myself, there are many things I will never write about - not because I'm ashamed, or it's too terrible to write, but just because I'd rather not.  If I wrote about everything I have or am experiencing or have seen in this life so far - you might be shocked.  It's best to read between the lines.  But I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that?
Feb 2015 · 1.0k
Mmm...My Lover
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
No post
no Valentine
no kisses
I love you's
I want you's...

Who cares
nomnom
mmm...
chocolate is my lover
Confession: Valentines day doesn't mean a great deal to me - it never has.  Nice idea, but not essential.  But chocolate - no comparison!! ;o)
Feb 2015 · 1.2k
Soup Of Life
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
Grey skies
hanging heavy
winter calls
as the wind howls
through secret gaps
in the window frames

The day has become
like our passing years
not bright enough
a little harsh
and willing to leave us cold

Life has not been kind
we deserve so much more
but still
we hang in there
wounded soldiers
learning to lay our weapons low
time teaching us
there is more to life
than waging war

This day
this beautiful moment
is all that matters
to be sitting here with you
a glowing fire
warm soup
loving food
while we talk and laugh
of the days gone
days to come
grand illusions of the world
and all those things
we now understand

Sympathy
is all that matters
revealing
knowing
sharing
serving each other
with simplicity
our souls nourished
by the healing soup of life
This was written some time ago  for my blog about a warm cosy moment with a cousin of mine.  The soup, I discovered completely healed by skin from a chronic dry skin condition.  If you have any serious dry skin problems or know anyone who does, you might find what I had to say after the poem of some help.  And the recipe is included! -->  https://wordmusing.wordpress.com/2014/02/23/soup-of-life/  Even if it just helps one person it will be worth a mention.
Feb 2015 · 4.6k
February
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
February
take back your gloom
I am worth more
than sombre hours
and blue stained thoughts
I'm not depressed by the way, just writing about February.  It's supposed to be the most depressing month of the year.  For me it's all a bit nothing - it's not the depths of winter and it's not quite spring.  A bit dull really.  I suppose that thought in itself might be depressing!! ;o)
Feb 2015 · 744
Warning To God Spammers!
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
This is great website, and I've met some lovely writers, and I hope to I meet even more - but *** are all these preaching comments???

I've never met a writing place with so many unofficial spammy preachers!!!

I don't need ******* preaching at!!!

How do you know I need salvation - maybe I'm already saved - have you thought about that?  Or maybe I'm just a blind idiot in your opinion.  But either way your pointless unfriendly and ungodly manner has zero effect. You've never met me - you know nothing about me.  From now on anyone who spam comments and preaches on my work gets instantly blocked - use your energy elsewhere.

And here's another thought: what if what I write is called creative writing - heard of that before have you?  Not everything I write is about me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that.

Apologies to all the kindly beautiful writers on here - it takes a lot make me have a swearing rant, I guess I've just ruined my kind reputation.  Just had enough of the spam ****, and in my real life I NEVER tolerate idiots, and I won't here either.

I don't mind the mention of God as a personal view, I'm not God phobic, no problem with that, but just don't leave messages as though I know nothing and I need saving - I **** well don't.

Your sincerely
One very ******* writer
Feb 2015 · 8.0k
Strength
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
I've been drowned
a wreck in the ocean
washed up
bruised
what seemed beyond repair
weakness stole me
strength claimed me back
Feb 2015 · 1.3k
Free
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
It was not possible
for them to remain
hidden
in the ragged corners
of an all seeing mind
words must be free
Jan 2015 · 2.4k
Broom Sweeping
Suzy Hazelwood Jan 2015
Out with the old
in with the new
broom sweeping the past
uncluttered
and shackle free
Jan 2015 · 3.4k
Truth
Suzy Hazelwood Jan 2015
Truth
is not always welcome

but....

I'll say it anyway
I'll say it how it is
Jan 2015 · 562
Missing
Suzy Hazelwood Jan 2015
Even though you are not with me
my hands cannot reach you
your ears do not hear my cries
of missing

Know that
I cannot give in to loving
I will do anything to defeat
what keeps us in separation
Jan 2015 · 456
Every Road
Suzy Hazelwood Jan 2015
I'd like to wake up tomorrow
and find everything
has changed
to know the road
I'm travelling
is the right one
not yet another turning
down a dark lonely lane
leading somewhere
or nowhere

I'd like to wake up
know that regrets
weeping and pathetic fear
will never haunt me again
I want them all erased
so I can walk out the door
a shiny new me

There was a time
when I knew
that prayers
and miracles
were not illusions
when I lived and breathed
a life we should all have

I owned it all
it lived in me
until something evil came
and stole it all away
vultures
monsters
of the darkest place
picked it clean off my bones
and left me
forever tending wounds

I want to wake up tomorrow
and find
I'm no longer tired
of being tired
put my feet firmly on the ground
and find it takes me
on a whole new path
where vultures and monsters
have no right to be
and every road
takes me home
Dec 2014 · 8.8k
Secrets
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
If I told you
my secrets
would you
hold them close?
Or would you
careless
scatter them wide?

I keep your secrets
please keep mine
Dec 2014 · 1.4k
Closed The Door
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
Some days
I wrestle with fear
of what might be
darkness
a snare
secretly waiting
to ruin my day
to captivate
so I remain
in a place I don't belong

Years have revealed
fear is nothing
has no life
no body
no form at all

Permission to live
is granted by me
the only life
it will ever know
rides on the scary avenue
of my stupid mind

I could open the door wide
invite it to stay
allow it to take shape
my shape
my eyes
grant it permission to be
my voice
lend it
my limbs
let it breathe
and move
and makes things happen
to live
a few short hours
as if it were me
and steal
so many of mine

I told it to leave
I want to be alone
not to be the best pal
of the wrong kind of company
I won't turn something
that is nothing
into my imaginary friend

I've rolled away the carpet
blocked the pathways
closed the door
and locked it real tight

Peace
be my company
embrace the inner me
and laughter will discover
it has legs to stand on

Peace
becoming
breathing
moving
and making things happen
Dec 2014 · 670
All Of My Heart
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
Yesterday
you had all of my heart
today
you have broken that sweet heart

I have no rhythm
nothing
to keep me standing straight

You
stupid fool
hold out your heart
begging me to break it
to make it stop

And I say
"No - someone else can do that for me"
Dec 2014 · 817
Even If It's Only A Cat
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
The old woman who lives next door
she asked of you today
she guessed you’d gone
she knows our world has broken

She heard our voices raised
the slam of the door when you left
and me
wailing in the hall at this ****** hollow life

You thought she was mad
an old *****
self obsessed
with flea ridden cats
that’s because you never took the time
to discover the woman

She told me
he left forty years today
without a word
slammed the door
just like you
and she waited
waited in the company of her cats
waited...for him

Cats are her love
she cares for them
and in return they adore her

Isn’t love what matters
even if it’s only a cat
who loves you?

If every person you’d ever known
turned the other way
wouldn’t you also be grateful
for the love of a cat?
Dec 2014 · 894
Poetry Is My Counsellor
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
Poetry
is my counsellor
prose
my revelation
the unravelling
of who I am
Dec 2014 · 868
Until Winter
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
Before my eyes
it is fading
descending
dying

A world of weakness
has burst forth
transformation
has risen

And even if I choose
to look away
and pretend
refuse to acknowledge
what is
glacial voices
will whisper
behind my back
and affirm the change

My desire
is worthless
to wish for
the blooming of flowers
and the buzzing of bees
when all has moved on
without my consent

Everything is dying
because it must
slowly
receding
until winter
covers the falling
with it's long cold embrace
and consumes it all

And my days will be
as though
May till  September
had been a perfect
flawless
fantasy
If you're interested, you can hear me reading this on SoundCloud -> https://soundcloud.com/suzyhazelwood/until-winter-poetry
Dec 2014 · 969
Beautiful Crazy Mind
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
She led him piece by piece down to her water of life,
and even though he knew she was possibly quite crazy,
he didn't mind at all,
because sanity was never his anyway.

She fed him tea and poetry,
and the wonders of her endless thought,
sweeter than honey,
a different kind of bliss,
an ecstasy, a loving bed of like minds and theology.

They drifted on ripples of euphoria,
with a kind of nakedness that opens eyes to the unknown,
and teaches the independent heart
how not to recover from the blending of souls.

In the passing of time, even the most ancient memory
won't fail to recall her living water,
the loving bed,
the poetry infused with tea
and her beautiful crazy mind.
Inspired and very loosely based on Leonard Cohen's song 'Suzanne'.  My favourite version is by Judy Collins https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkamRumVXn4
My feeling on this song is that it's about fascination and magnetic attraction when the love of someone, or the idea of how wonderful they are sweeps you off your feet.  So that is what this poem is about.  You can read the lyrics to the song here -> http://www.lyricsfreak.com/l/leonard+cohen/suzanne_20082890.html
Nov 2014 · 940
Serpents & Wolves
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
She had wrestled with many a serpent that had wrapped its slinky body around hers, tightening its grip for death, squeezing every drop of life from her.   And each time escape had appeared to her by a slim chance, luck was there in the moment.   And there were wolves too, with voices oozing charm, dressed in style, in the woolly warmness of sheep, but hungry dogs, dribbling, waiting impatiently to devour a good meal.   She had run from them all, breathless, wide-eyed, heart pounding within the chase.

They wanted life....her life, desiring those beautiful things.   Needing to be full of all the good that was in her, to enable them to shine, as she did.

But things have changed, she scans the world with new eyes, in these untrustworthy days.   And now the living dead can only afford to hiss and growl in the darkness.   Not once will they get close enough, to lick the salt, and taste how delicious she is.   Not close enough, to hold on and wring her dry, not any more.

She sees them coming now, even before the day dawns.   She hears their mischievous desires, moan and rumble like distant thunder on a cool breeze.   It is always the same, as each one approaches; a cheesy grin, the freak in disguise, with its deep inhale of breath, ready to spin the hallucinogenic tale of their lives.

Their blatant nakedness wants to make her break out in a girlie giggle.   But she holds it in, stops it with a little finger against her lip.  Shines a sophisticated womanly smile, and asks quietly, "Who are you?"    Then turns her back, walks far away.   Never looking behind, not even a thought of it.  No fighting, no running.   And her heart remains quiet within.

Three words....and they are nothing.   Ignored, to complete disintegration.   Those mutants who prowl, to destroy her beautiful world.   Slain with a question they can never answer.   For even they do not know who they are.

Her light shines, just a little brighter.   Life goes on – life lives in her.
Flash fiction ~ about the creeps of this world, the people you wished you'd never met.  Not content with their own life, they want a piece of yours too…
Nov 2014 · 3.2k
Fantasy
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
I write of spring in autumn
of summer in winter
I like to be where I'm not
to cheat on time
fantasy
is so much better
Nov 2014 · 2.4k
November Skies
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
When the breeze turns sharp
and trees begin to undress
when it dawns on me
my world is not the same
I see you
I feel you
as you were
when you were strong
before another chose to bring you down

How could I forget...

November skies tell me
how much I have lost
and remind me
of all the love I have known
and I don't know if
I should laugh or cry
Memories of mum and dad...wherever you are
Nov 2014 · 2.5k
Fruitless Tree
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Is a fruitless tree
still worthy?

Is a person
fruitless
empty
lacking in lustre
of no value?

Maybe
they're still waiting
to blossom
Nov 2014 · 12.3k
Perfect Sunday
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
An awesome book
a sumptuous chair
plump cushions
silence
my perfect
Sunday afternoon
Nov 2014 · 468
Return To Myself
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Tonight I watched the sun melt
fall into the sea and wash away
the beauty in the sky
meant nothing to me


I was tired
of so many painful hours
of dark days
watery eyes
and tear stained cheeks


This unwelcome story
how will it end?
And where is the memory
of when it began?


What day was it
when everything changed?
When the right to be cheerful
was no longer granted


When the morning comes
the dark will be present still
as dark as the days before
senseless moments
playing games within
jumbled
mixed up
spinning in slow backward circles
as my mind trips lightly over itself
again and again
over and over
and all before me there is
nothing


I will run as fast as I can
because it's all I know
my familiar friend
my hideous buddy
my mocking dark day pal


I’ll run until my breath is extinguished
outsmarting my chasing dragon
of shadows
decades past
of the deepest black night


Nothing follows me
but still I run
to find freedom
to dig for gold
from under the elusive rainbows


But always
I run alone
just me running from I


Drained
hollow
numb
a plain empty jar


It’s time to lay down my fears
leave my senses to rest
I’ve run too much
too long
too hard



Time to tell the dragon
his time is up
acknowledge the empty space
that lingers behind me
and be grateful for being alone


I will sit and wait for the sun
revel in the beauty of the sky
resurrect those things
that have long been dead to me


Wait for the light inside
for the radiance to be felt
to be seen
be understood
and once again become my friend


Slow
but sure
I return to myself
Written about my depression, many years ago (younger days!)  Happy to say I've been free of it for a long time now.  If you want to read what I said about it you can read more here --> http://wordmusing.wordpress.com/2013/04/27/return-to-myself/
Nov 2014 · 1.2k
Friendship Matters
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
I don’t need a Romeo or Casanova.  If I need anyone, then I need someone who I can talk to.  Someone to share real life.   Someone who’s present, here, and not over there.  Someone who can be honest with me, and I with them.  Someone who’s got words worth listening to.  Someone, who’s interested in what I have to say.

Is it too much to ask for friendship first?  Does that sound unrealistic or old fashioned?  And why does the expectation of new relationships have to start out like a **** movie?  Why can’t men be friends with women instead of wanting pieces of their body first?  I’m a person, with feelings, hopes and plans, not an item of lust.

Why do women fall in the trap of wanting to find a man who'll provide everything, make them happier than they've ever been before?   A man like that can't be found.  A man is human, not a mystic angel.  He doesn’t exist to make a woman find happiness.

On the day she finds he contains no magic to elevate her emotions into happy ever after, and he discovers she not got much to lust for, the only thing left will be - friendship.  So what is left if friendship can't be found?  

If love can grow from a friend, and lust grow from love - then I might be interested.  Friendship is what matters, anything less, can go to hell...
Nov 2014 · 2.4k
Loveless Sheets
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
I would rather sleep
on a cold stone floor
than lay solitary
in the lie of luxury
loveless sheets
a bed full of wishes
where I need you to be
Nov 2014 · 1.7k
The Downfall
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Like a dove
I land softly on shoulders
I'm kind in nature
generous in discernment


But cross me once
the suspect will be marked
cross me twice
and my friendship
will be no more


It's a waste of breath
for me to show
the extent of violation
worthless
to intend to destroy


I have no need
to action revenge
when a clown
can quite easily stumble
over their own stupidity


I won't lower myself
to the mire
when I can sit by fresh waters
and observe
the downfall
of a dumb mind
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