Vulnerability is your access in to what is real,
though as you know..
not always is it safe to do or be, in this world..
in fact, there are those who will, or have..
shown you over and over again,
that vulnerability of heart with them
will get your sweet little *** slapped down into the dirt..
over and over again..
(as if you did not already know, firsthand).
There are many reasons those people behave that way,
and every single one of them deal with hurt..
and hope (when they still had it), being unfairly
and unkindly stifled back inside of them.
In hating and then stomping all over your vulnerability,
they are in truth, hating their own..
and rightfully so, for what they had to endure..
but until they want to see and change,
they will be the death of you..
or at least the death of your awakening heart.
But there are those who thrive on vulnerability
because they have learned to believe once again..
in the word, Hope.. and when vulnerability of another
comes towards them, they cannot help but celebrate it
from the place inside of them that is overwhelmingly grateful
that it still exists.
.. When you open up that way, I want to kiss you deeply.
In truth, all vulnerability and authenticity at that level
should always be met with the deepest of kisses.
You have the right idea.. but sometimes with the wrong people.
You've been nearly trampled to death in the process--
starting at such a tremendously tender, young age.
It makes a person edgy..
(and if extremely brilliant, in that gorgeous brain of yours..)..
ya, kid.. sarcastic AF.
That's where you get hurt.
That is where you hurt yourself.
At times when the emotional **** hits the fan,
and everything starts feeling like its all going wrong..
that gorgeous brain separates itself from that beautiful heart..
making it feel as if it has gone dark..
and then that brain.. thinking that it has been left to its own
survival resources, turns 'mean' ..
in its own perceived abandonment by the heart.
At those moments, you feel the horrendously-black
and empty, loss of self..
That is when it all starts compounding, quantitatively
No one understands, and so when you actually
are needing it the most,
Grace through understanding, in an instant gives way
to judgment and ridicule by others.. causing you by necessity,
to retreat further back into yourself..
relying on more and more of the one time, necessary (when little)
but now so relationally-damaging, survival skills.
Beautiful girl with beautiful heart and amazing mind,
becomes fragmented.. compounded by her own
now nearly out of control, age-old tactics and behaviors...
And those that do not understand, stand back and paint
(and allow to have painted) a view of you.. that in truth,
truly is not you..
but is only self-protection/survival-mode,
but on steroids--
Beautiful heart, implodes..
within the loss of its much-needed, beautiful self.
Brilliant mind goes into hyper-drive,
now left alone to its own, survival-resources--
Hacking it out in the ******-up wilderness, without
its much trusted and needed, Compadre..
that Beautiful, beautiful heart.
You are not that person, Babe.
You are the owner and possessor of two extremely-gifted organs--
both placed into you to be in full relationship with each other.
That is who you are.
When they are fragmented and torn from one-another,
that is not truly the true, you. But since they are both yours,
you are in the strongest essence, accountable.
Somewhere within all of that,
guilt and self-condemnation kick in..
and literally beat the living **** out of you.
That brain of yours, Babe.. it is beautifully-brilliant
and also quite the *******.
You are not "mean".
You are not "unkind" or "unloving"
(though, in essence-- at those times, you are)
..You are temporarily detached.. fragmented--
separated from what it is that you so desperately
need the most--- y o u.
.. But your own guilt and self-judgment
slap the **** out of yourself
almost as hard (sometimes harder)
than the one who is now pointing their finger at you..
in all of their hurt.
All you need, is Understanding.
Love cares enough to want to give you that.
Love cares enough to want to take care of its own story
so it can better see and understand
how to help you with yours.
That is what you need. That is what you deserve.
That is the kind of love you are worthy of.
You are everything beautiful that I have been saying that you are.
Within your at times, own Great Divide..
the blackness between the two parts of you that you need most,
completely blocks out your own, much-needed view of you.
I see the picture, my Beautiful..
I have a right to speak to you this way.
You took my breath away, right from the get-go.
The only way I could get even
was by looking directly at you.
It is your talking and opening up that did it.
What you so often and so rightfully need to run from,
is the very thing that is actually, most saving you.
To be "seen" is to be understood..
if the one doing the looking
is doing it for all the right reasons.
No one has ever understood.
That is where you get hurt.
And in the aloneness within it all,
is where you hurt yourself the most.
This party is far from over, Babe..
Far from it, beautiful girl.
..And so it is with Magic.
You are beautiful, beyond words.
..yet within it all.. you must get fatigued--
almost beyond all recognition. :(
I L- Y