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Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
you had all of my heart
you have broken that sweet heart

I have no rhythm
to keep me standing straight

stupid fool
hold out your heart
begging me to break it
to make it stop

And I say
"No - someone else can do that for me"
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
She wanted to say so much
thoughts rushed like rivers
she saved words in a jar
for another day
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
She led him piece by piece down to her water of life,
and even though he knew she was possibly quite crazy,
he didn't mind at all,
because sanity was never his anyway.

She fed him tea and poetry,
and the wonders of her endless thought,
sweeter than honey,
a different kind of bliss,
an ecstasy, a loving bed of like minds and theology.

They drifted on ripples of euphoria,
with a kind of nakedness that opens eyes to the unknown,
and teaches the independent heart
how not to recover from the blending of souls.

In the passing of time, even the most ancient memory
won't fail to recall her living water,
the loving bed,
the poetry infused with tea
and her beautiful crazy mind.
Inspired and very loosely based on Leonard Cohen's song 'Suzanne'.  My favourite version is by Judy Collins
My feeling on this song is that it's about fascination and magnetic attraction when the love of someone, or the idea of how wonderful they are sweeps you off your feet.  So that is what this poem is about.  You can read the lyrics to the song here ->
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
We were perfect
we ran fast
our hands fused in love
I reflecting you
you enhancing me
until we got drunk
on bitter wine
and tasted the sour day
Suzy Hazelwood Jan 2015
Out with the old
in with the new
broom sweeping the past
and shackle free
Suzy Hazelwood Apr 2015
There are days
when I sit alone in cafés
with coffee as my friend
and a book as my reason
for why I stay so long

Pretending not to watch
not seeing anyone
I stare at my book
and make out I read
when all the while
I sneak a look
I hear their talk

It seems to me
many are short on luck
so much dreaming
of all they can’t have
and some
have dreamed so large
it shatters their soul

I wondered why
I waste my time
love to stay
in the company of cafés
what was this fascination
turned to addiction?

I sit in cafés
because I need to know
I’m not the only one
it’s not just me
who is short on luck
not just me
who’s afraid to dream
not only I
who’s soul needs repair
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
Some days
I wrestle with fear
of what might be
a snare
secretly waiting
to ruin my day
to captivate
so I remain
in a place I don't belong

Years have revealed
fear is nothing
has no life
no body
no form at all

Permission to live
is granted by me
the only life
it will ever know
rides on the scary avenue
of my stupid mind

I could open the door wide
invite it to stay
allow it to take shape
my shape
my eyes
grant it permission to be
my voice
lend it
my limbs
let it breathe
and move
and makes things happen
to live
a few short hours
as if it were me
and steal
so many of mine

I told it to leave
I want to be alone
not to be the best pal
of the wrong kind of company
I won't turn something
that is nothing
into my imaginary friend

I've rolled away the carpet
blocked the pathways
closed the door
and locked it real tight

be my company
embrace the inner me
and laughter will discover
it has legs to stand on

and making things happen
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
You haunted me
all through the night
thank you
for keeping me company
please do it again
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
She has nothing to say
not one simple word
to explain
how she arrived
at this complication
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Did you ever know love…
was it always hard to define?
Were your lies a seducer…
for me to believe you were mine?
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
I want to dump the junk
hurl the hassle
and know for sure
it’s nothing more
than ancient garbage
hanging heavy
on my shoulders
Suzy Hazelwood Apr 2015
Euphoria said “drink me”
I drained the bottle
got lost on cloud nine
heavy head
sorry heart but...
sober again
never again
Life's lesson can be lasting!! ;o)
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
The old woman who lives next door
she asked of you today
she guessed you’d gone
she knows our world has broken

She heard our voices raised
the slam of the door when you left
and me
wailing in the hall at this ****** hollow life

You thought she was mad
an old *****
self obsessed
with flea ridden cats
that’s because you never took the time
to discover the woman

She told me
he left forty years today
without a word
slammed the door
just like you
and she waited
waited in the company of her cats
waited...for him

Cats are her love
she cares for them
and in return they adore her

Isn’t love what matters
even if it’s only a cat
who loves you?

If every person you’d ever known
turned the other way
wouldn’t you also be grateful
for the love of a cat?
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Everyone knows
a flower has little time to parade in glory
all good things must end
now the leaf has at last let go
it’s sunny days have become
as the final chapter of a good book closing
red berries hold on
and listen to whispers on the breeze
this final stage is not as it seems
because bleakness is granted permission
to paint in harshness for a few short days
so let it colour with untamed rust
leaves lost to the ground
and sweep smoky trails across the sky
because this is the great alteration of shades
and all living things know
even the end shall pass
let the old make way for the new
Suzy Hazelwood Jan 2015
I'd like to wake up tomorrow
and find everything
has changed
to know the road
I'm travelling
is the right one
not yet another turning
down a dark lonely lane
leading somewhere
or nowhere

I'd like to wake up
know that regrets
weeping and pathetic fear
will never haunt me again
I want them all erased
so I can walk out the door
a shiny new me

There was a time
when I knew
that prayers
and miracles
were not illusions
when I lived and breathed
a life we should all have

I owned it all
it lived in me
until something evil came
and stole it all away
of the darkest place
picked it clean off my bones
and left me
forever tending wounds

I want to wake up tomorrow
and find
I'm no longer tired
of being tired
put my feet firmly on the ground
and find it takes me
on a whole new path
where vultures and monsters
have no right to be
and every road
takes me home
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Like the finest marble
pallid and cold to the touch
my skin writes tales of things
I wish were only known to me

My bone and structure
more striking by the day
food an unfamiliar pleasure
shadows cling to eyes
sleep my forgotten friend
the evidence of your absence
is written over me
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
I write of spring in autumn
of summer in winter
I like to be where I'm not
to cheat on time
is so much better
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
take back your gloom
I am worth more
than sombre hours
and blue stained thoughts
I'm not depressed by the way, just writing about February.  It's supposed to be the most depressing month of the year.  For me it's all a bit nothing - it's not the depths of winter and it's not quite spring.  A bit dull really.  I suppose that thought in itself might be depressing!! ;o)
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
I'd be consoled
for rain to fall on my face
because right now
I feel nothing
about anything

Soaking wet
in a rainstorm
might wash me clean
and maybe tomorrow
I’ll feel again
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2019
she silenced her phone
trashed the social media
cast off weary fake friends
ceased to lay eyes on junk
or accept empty invitations

she was like a tree or a flower
rudely dug up and replanted
in a grotesque garden

there was one way to wholeness
one unrushed road to finding self
and it wasn’t out there
or hiding somewhere

it was a gentle determined stroll
the deep measured cleanse
feeling the slow but sure growth
down to the roots of her tingly toes
until she and the earth around her lightly sighed
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
It was not possible
for them to remain
in the ragged corners
of an all seeing mind
words must be free
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
I don’t need a Romeo or Casanova.  If I need anyone, then I need someone who I can talk to.  Someone to share real life.   Someone who’s present, here, and not over there.  Someone who can be honest with me, and I with them.  Someone who’s got words worth listening to.  Someone, who’s interested in what I have to say.

Is it too much to ask for friendship first?  Does that sound unrealistic or old fashioned?  And why does the expectation of new relationships have to start out like a **** movie?  Why can’t men be friends with women instead of wanting pieces of their body first?  I’m a person, with feelings, hopes and plans, not an item of lust.

Why do women fall in the trap of wanting to find a man who'll provide everything, make them happier than they've ever been before?   A man like that can't be found.  A man is human, not a mystic angel.  He doesn’t exist to make a woman find happiness.

On the day she finds he contains no magic to elevate her emotions into happy ever after, and he discovers she not got much to lust for, the only thing left will be - friendship.  So what is left if friendship can't be found?  

If love can grow from a friend, and lust grow from love - then I might be interested.  Friendship is what matters, anything less, can go to hell...
Suzy Hazelwood Apr 2015
From the ashes I will rise
let dust fall
from my aching limbs
unmoved by ghosts
of yesterday
and rest in the place
that waits for me
Originally written as a image poem, it looked like this -> ->
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Is a fruitless tree
still worthy?

Is a person
lacking in lustre
of no value?

they're still waiting
to blossom
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
It fails me
why I persist in using the word

It hangs in the background
for my inevitable bad luck
for the opportunity
to be of service

It promises much
yet grants so little

I hope for rain
then hope it won’t
I hope we’ll meet
and hope we don’t

I hope for love
then wish it gone
I hope for the future
but fear
there might not be one

I hope there’s a God
and all my fears of him
being a legend
are so not true

I look around
look up and beyond
I don’t see or feel a **** thing
but a heavy sky
and the rotten company
of my desolate heart

Hope is like
blowing out candles
ignoring the obvious
taking a stab in the dark
on a childish wish

Who started this hope thing?
Who taught me this?

When I get to the point
of being sure
there is no God
that hope is
essentially hopeless
I think it’s time to let go
but again
I refuse the path
towards the end is nigh
and precede
down the curved lane of hope
forever the seeker
that one of these days
I’ll discover genuine desire
the sweet fruit of faith
and hope
that becomes substance

Hope sticks
hope is going nowhere
simply because
without it
I would be nothing
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2015
Ideas are like tall trees
they begin microscopic
small beams of humble enlightenment
of what they could become
until a mighty body emerges
and boughs like warrior arms reach
draping and lush
inviting suggestion

I am surrounded
by many eager minds
towering above
my own meagre imagination
kings and queens
of profound thought
how they stretch to find me
so my inner eyes
may witness restoration

Ideas are like tall trees
where even darkness
fails to demolish
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2015
I look to the blackest sky
bright stars stare down
at my sorry head
they sparkle
glitter pretty
but you
are not here

I hear the city
humming in traffic
feet rushing
happy life
and I
am so still

I see you standing
taking the view
at this place we love
it glows
like Christmas
at night
and we

You turn to me
reach your hand
your lips moving
words faint
swallows you whole
and you
are gone

are not here
Suzy Hazelwood Apr 2015
Even on dull days
when I fail to find reason to smile
falls through a window
and makes me wonder
why I abandoned it for hell

If laughter has gone ahead
and left you way behind
go and search
for a little more
I know this is a little unusual for me, but these twins just made me roar laughing.  I often find videos on You Tube that make my day - so just wanted to spread some of their joy! :oD
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
you are here again
you drift in and out
my tiresome wilting nightmare

you are the endless haunt
of my darkest nights
the sleeping hours
soaked with raw unease

what was the point
in lusting and loving
piercing the depth of our souls
why bind ourselves
in a luscious nest
if it was waiting to fall

i lie on our barren bed
fragments of who i was
splayed on the floor
waiting for a good day
the strength to gather them all
and rebuild myself

please remove your essence
don't play me with your jangling ghost
break the chains
cast my desire to black
let my eyes
never fall on you again

leave me
in this abandoned home
to live my days in cold blood
close the unwritten chapters
let this haunting end
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2015
When there seems
no progressive road
the past
light finds you
the way out
the door awaits
I created a spoken word version on SoundCloud today, if anyone is interested ->
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
I would rather sleep
on a cold stone floor
than lay solitary
in the lie of luxury
loveless sheets
a bed full of wishes
where I need you to be
Suzy Hazelwood Jan 2015
Even though you are not with me
my hands cannot reach you
your ears do not hear my cries
of missing

Know that
I cannot give in to loving
I will do anything to defeat
what keeps us in separation
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
No post
no Valentine
no kisses
I love you's
I want you's...

Who cares
chocolate is my lover
Confession: Valentines day doesn't mean a great deal to me - it never has.  Nice idea, but not essential.  But chocolate - no comparison!! ;o)
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
All my life
I’ve endured a weight of exclusion
never the one who can
always the one who can’t
never the one with
but constant without

Standing afar
a stranger
in a whirl of happening
where my would be
never could be

The birth of desire
gifted in grief
ability almost visible
but before my hands could grasp
the thief came to steal
crushing me down

It’s time to wipe the memory
shake my head and say “no”
that I will submit and agree
to every thought declaring
“this is who you are”

This is the end
of the exclusion road
a termination for the could or would
no more stranger
wishing from afar
the negative rejected
because in these days
I truly can
and I know I will

where are you now?
Your mighty weight
has been discarded
from my fortified bones
the embellishment of your name
from my beautiful skin
my revolution is real
Inspired by the realization of how my thinking had been affected, in a way 'infected' subtly laced with thoughts of ‘I can’t’.
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2019
Let the binding fall to the ground
those things that once were you
let them drop as late leaves
see how easy they go
no resistance
no return
that is how it is
that is how letting go can be

When all you were has passed
you will laugh wearing your new skin
proud… with sunbeams in your eye
miraculously… today
you entirely cast off your old self
I also posted this on Soundcloud as a spoken word poem.
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
When the breeze turns sharp
and trees begin to undress
when it dawns on me
my world is not the same
I see you
I feel you
as you were
when you were strong
before another chose to bring you down

How could I forget...

November skies tell me
how much I have lost
and remind me
of all the love I have known
and I don't know if
I should laugh or cry
Memories of mum and dad...wherever you are
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
An awesome book
a sumptuous chair
plump cushions
my perfect
Sunday afternoon
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
is my counsellor
my revelation
the unravelling
of who I am
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2015
I arrived in the autumn of your life
the bright young thing
the eternal optimist
the one who allowed naivety
to shine too far

Never acknowledging the lies
woven intricate tales
you spoon fed me
every one

I'm awake now
but poison
takes time to die
Suzy Hazelwood May 2015
is ever
as it seems
when understanding
is understood
another puzzle arrives
Suzy Hazelwood Oct 2016
Sometimes all we need
is silence in our head
and the sound of rain
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2015
drink tea with me
lets talk of halcyon days
watch burdens
fall with shame
refresh our jaded souls
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Tonight I watched the sun melt
fall into the sea and wash away
the beauty in the sky
meant nothing to me

I was tired
of so many painful hours
of dark days
watery eyes
and tear stained cheeks

This unwelcome story
how will it end?
And where is the memory
of when it began?

What day was it
when everything changed?
When the right to be cheerful
was no longer granted

When the morning comes
the dark will be present still
as dark as the days before
senseless moments
playing games within
mixed up
spinning in slow backward circles
as my mind trips lightly over itself
again and again
over and over
and all before me there is

I will run as fast as I can
because it's all I know
my familiar friend
my hideous buddy
my mocking dark day pal

I’ll run until my breath is extinguished
outsmarting my chasing dragon
of shadows
decades past
of the deepest black night

Nothing follows me
but still I run
to find freedom
to dig for gold
from under the elusive rainbows

But always
I run alone
just me running from I

a plain empty jar

It’s time to lay down my fears
leave my senses to rest
I’ve run too much
too long
too hard

Time to tell the dragon
his time is up
acknowledge the empty space
that lingers behind me
and be grateful for being alone

I will sit and wait for the sun
revel in the beauty of the sky
resurrect those things
that have long been dead to me

Wait for the light inside
for the radiance to be felt
to be seen
be understood
and once again become my friend

but sure
I return to myself
Written about my depression, many years ago (younger days!)  Happy to say I've been free of it for a long time now.  If you want to read what I said about it you can read more here -->
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
Writing the words
the emptying
of my emotional recycle bin

I pour them out
with intent to demolish
to remove the evidence
the unwanted remembrance
the devastation
that threatens to unravel my sanity
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2016
Say no
to what binds
darling say no
say no to lies
knock them back
lay them stone dead
say yes to life
Suzy Hazelwood Dec 2014
If I told you
my secrets
would you
hold them close?
Or would you
scatter them wide?

I keep your secrets
please keep mine
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2014
She had wrestled with many a serpent that had wrapped its slinky body around hers, tightening its grip for death, squeezing every drop of life from her.   And each time escape had appeared to her by a slim chance, luck was there in the moment.   And there were wolves too, with voices oozing charm, dressed in style, in the woolly warmness of sheep, but hungry dogs, dribbling, waiting impatiently to devour a good meal.   She had run from them all, breathless, wide-eyed, heart pounding within the chase.

They wanted life....her life, desiring those beautiful things.   Needing to be full of all the good that was in her, to enable them to shine, as she did.

But things have changed, she scans the world with new eyes, in these untrustworthy days.   And now the living dead can only afford to hiss and growl in the darkness.   Not once will they get close enough, to lick the salt, and taste how delicious she is.   Not close enough, to hold on and wring her dry, not any more.

She sees them coming now, even before the day dawns.   She hears their mischievous desires, moan and rumble like distant thunder on a cool breeze.   It is always the same, as each one approaches; a cheesy grin, the freak in disguise, with its deep inhale of breath, ready to spin the hallucinogenic tale of their lives.

Their blatant nakedness wants to make her break out in a girlie giggle.   But she holds it in, stops it with a little finger against her lip.  Shines a sophisticated womanly smile, and asks quietly, "Who are you?"    Then turns her back, walks far away.   Never looking behind, not even a thought of it.  No fighting, no running.   And her heart remains quiet within.

Three words....and they are nothing.   Ignored, to complete disintegration.   Those mutants who prowl, to destroy her beautiful world.   Slain with a question they can never answer.   For even they do not know who they are.

Her light shines, just a little brighter.   Life goes on – life lives in her.
Flash fiction ~ about the creeps of this world, the people you wished you'd never met.  Not content with their own life, they want a piece of yours too…
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
So many things
I could say
I don't
so many things
the world will never know
silence writes in poetry
For as much as I write about myself, there are many things I will never write about - not because I'm ashamed, or it's too terrible to write, but just because I'd rather not.  If I wrote about everything I have or am experiencing or have seen in this life so far - you might be shocked.  It's best to read between the lines.  But I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that?
Suzy Hazelwood Nov 2016
When you are silent
when you are mind hunting
I too shall be silent
and help you hold back the wolves
Suzy Hazelwood Mar 2019
There’s a drawer

With all the stories
i’ve yet to write

i seem to have
lost the key
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