And all of a sudden I was back to needing him, wanting him, obsessing over him. Asking the stars to manifest him. Playing the stories in my head as if they could actually happen. Like my mind was powerful enough to conjure him. Heart aching at the fact that if I opened my eyes, I would remember none of it was real.
I thought I was done with this. Thought I was done with the whole "needing and wanting and aching for a man" schtick. Thought I could finally believe that I don't need a man or some feminist ******* like that. Thought that I could even be my own man, treat myself right, love myself right.
But I will always ache for him I will always need him, want him, obsess over him.
And I will resent him for the rest of my life because of it.
There is no light without darkness. No cloudy skies without rain. Over and above this dreadful end; Our tears will be wiped away, Our aching hearts will be settled down once more.
We will sit and observe them come and go; Only to settle speechless and motionless-- Wishing for them to stay a little bit longer. Our hearts become full of the greatest sorrow, The sorrow of losing a loved one forever; However, it is not the end!
For their sake, remain strong and smile! Find comfort and joy in your life With all your fondest thoughts and memories of them Shall dwell within your heart, nevertheless. Parting is miserable, But life goes on without alerts.
What did I do wrong To deserve this vast emptiness Where life should be Where joy and wonder and adventure Should’ve reigned
While instead every day, Blurring into one, Is ruled by disappointment, And self-pity, And self hatred
When all I ever wanted When all I ever asked for Was one reason Only one To make my life worth living To bring a light in the darkness To make sense of a senseless world To bring an end to all my doubts and heartaches Only one Love