And all of a sudden I was back to needing him, wanting him, obsessing over him.
Asking the stars to manifest him.
Playing the stories in my head as if they could actually happen. Like my mind was powerful enough to conjure him.
Heart aching at the fact that if I opened my eyes, I would remember none of it was real.

I thought I was done with this.
Thought I was done with the whole "needing and wanting and aching for a man" schtick.
Thought I could finally believe that I don't need a man or some feminist ******* like that.
Thought that I could even be my own man, treat myself right, love myself right.

But I will always ache for him
I will always need him, want him, obsess over him.

And I will resent him for the rest of my life because of it.

Bleeding…
Aching…
Shattering  
I told myself this would never happen again

Yet I find myself grasping for the pieces of my heart
Wheezing…
Weeping…
Grasping for air

I told her to be careful with our heart
I told her not to fall
Yet she craved to love and to be loved

When will you learn to love yourself
To fill the emptiness with self love instead of love from another

I feel a fire starting under my ribs
It is swallowing everything,
my heart, lungs,
and memories too

Or I may just be missing you
to the point where I set myself ablaze,
Tell me, does my cloud of smoke not reach you?

I suffocate with a burning longing
Do you not understand?
I burn, I burn, I am burning for you

Be with me
if only for a moment
For soon nothing
will remain of me

No, this is not a
poem about her

But I know that deep
within my aching heart,
I will do anything
she asks of me

I will break all
my vows for her  

I will break all my limbs
for her to mold like clay

Love, do as you wish
with my aching body,
but do not leave any bruises

Destroy what is left
of my heart, if you must,
but do not leave me again

Tell me, does the night go through
you with its aching loneliness?

Do you think of me when
you see a wilting sunflower?

Do you see my face when
you hear the word longing?

I may have achey feet from working
all the live long day.
But I'm grateful for them.
They take my mind off my aching heart. Caused by the curse of adulting and time keeping us apart.