And all of a sudden I was back to needing him, wanting him, obsessing over him.
Asking the stars to manifest him.
Playing the stories in my head as if they could actually happen. Like my mind was powerful enough to conjure him.
Heart aching at the fact that if I opened my eyes, I would remember none of it was real.
I thought I was done with this.
Thought I was done with the whole "needing and wanting and aching for a man" schtick.
Thought I could finally believe that I don't need a man or some feminist ******* like that.
Thought that I could even be my own man, treat myself right, love myself right.
But I will always ache for him
I will always need him, want him, obsess over him.
And I will resent him for the rest of my life because of it.
internalized misogyny