How desperate we are to maintain our habits, we often trade parts of ourselves just to feel that rush whenever we sober up and latch on to that feeling up to the very end.
The other lung for a pack of cigarettes, that spare kidney for case of beer and the worst one trading a trusted friend for a gram, Alas at the end of the day no matter how much earthly treasure you possess in this world of trades, you can never bargain the time that is lost and another chance for everything to change
Oh how people judge me so fast when they knew that I went to hell and back. Scent of burning rubber, a shirt that's full of ash and the flames that light up my cigarette spoke the tales of me going to hell and came back.
People fear what they can not fathom and belittled a journey that I used to seek, since they only lived a life of *** and *** a life so empty, a life that's only to satisfy their lust and greed.
As I almost taste the hope that I've been craving, I smiled with broken teeth and a broken spine from carrying all of the burden on my bag. " God, bless my new beginnings, I thank you for guiding me through the gates of hell and never wanting me to go back."
I reminisce a simpler time. I listen to Lana Del Rey past midnight as if it's 2013 again, pretending her graphic imagery is my actual life while I search for my exes on google since they don't use Facebook, wondering what ever became of them. Is my high school sweetheart happy he got married and had a family with someone that wasn't me? Did my college boyfriend ever snap out of his depression and regret breaking up with me in the middle of the night at his Boston apartment leaving me to wander the streets aimlessly until the sun rose above the city skyline? As much as I crave answers, unfortunately my google trail runs cold. If I had blinked twice, would my life had turned out that differently? And if it had, would I even want to be me?
A little ramble since life is hard and it feels like nothing has changed and yet everything has.
what to do when you're done being mad? what to do when you're done blaming yourself and other people? what to do when you're done being sad? what to do when you're done confronting the painful memories? what to do when you've sobered up? what to do when you're finally healed?
I have fought the good fight. Now give me the good times.
I used to be so open But lately this ain't true I just can't remember Half of what you "helped" me through
I see you can only hurt me Feeling nothing ain't the same I'm the one to blame Who knew numb is worse then pain
And now with us apart I bloom just like a rose I'm just proud to say That I've kept that bottle closed
I've been sober for a year now and I felt like writing something about the whole ordeal What started at parties and small get together years ago turned into daily drinking and what feels like a whole year of my life wasted into bottles, I was easily at the worst part of my life so far and being a shy person I just never told anyone about it all until some random girl I met online got me to open up about it and for the first time In years I was crying and boom it just all hit me that I could barely remember the last week of my life, it took more than this for me to pour my last Mickey of cheap whiskey down the toilet but to the random girl who spent 30 minutes talking to some random guy thanks for helping steer my life in a better direction