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jon 1d
I'm not afriaid to die, I don't necessarily wanna be alive
I used to think I could never take my life and leave my family hanging, but I can't help this pain from my heart aching
One day it'll be alright that's what I keep hearing, but they ain't there when my mind is goin crazy
I didn't ask for this but if you did I'd say its ******* *******

Speeding through traffic, thinking to myself I want to let go of the wheel
My thoughts are suicidal, my manic mind is my one true rival
I didn't grow up with the best role models, hold up gimme a sec, I gotta finish this bottle
Faded as **** to numb my mind, with every sip I unwind
Blurred vision, slurred words, that's my negative grind
Turn around look up and feel the vibes, starry skies are my favorite nights.

Mary Jane and Tina ease the daily pain, but I also love smokin c
It puts so much strain on my body, and thoughts on my mind that're draining me
Thank the higher power or whatever the ***** out there for my family
The love they have for me helps me spiritually and emotionally
I'm talking about my mom mostly, she's my person

I appreciate it, through all the conflict
There's no resist when I need somethin
I can always count on her, I know I can get overwhelmed in this realm we call life
But that's when I grab my pipe and break a bud off the stem, smoke it, become myself again
I'm not stuck anymore, I'm free to be me  
I've dreamt of this reality because my childhood felt like an eternity
It's gonna be alright cuz the people all around got me
All this anxiety and in constant panic mode,
Some days you just gotta breathe and get through, just do you
No counting the seconds or minutes, stay present within your surroundings even if you feel like you're drowning
Deep breathing to know that you are okay, and that your soul is at peace for the day
My feet standing their ground, I'll make it sound with each step
Just let me do me, just let me breathe.
let me rip away the ivory
from the elephant in the room
rebuke its presence
cover my ears
so i don’t have to realize
these anxieties you bring
they long to dethrone me
rip apart each bone
pick apart this broken brain of mine
with each triggered nerve
i scream it’s okay
putrid false indifference
hopeful lies
for the barren sober pain
Ingram Oct 17
Im not sober tonight
laying alone in my bed.
Because I’m drunk
on the memories
of what we were
and overdosing
on the thoughts
of what we will never be.
Deleting conversations from my phone
Ashamed of how I acted 15 hours ago
Putting down the bottle and not because
I finished the drink and got a buzz
Don’t translate what I write to how I’ll act
Forget guilt, I’m the one who’s been bad
I want my conscience to feel more exact
More to myself, more to a matter of fact
I was gone, girl, but I’m not feeling high
I was at my mirror, rehearsing goodbyes
If time heals all wounds right into place
Then all this time is all I need to stay
Kimmy Sep 20
Be who you want
Talk to who you want
You are you
No one can stop that

My name is Kimberly
I call myself a different name
Hard drugs is who i am.
Before you ask, no
I don't care what you think
They help me ESCAPE

I consider myself different from all the rest, I'm distant, the drugs really overpower me. To me it makes me have a rush, I can **** it in a heartbeat. I know its just white powder
It makes me feel invincible, grateful for this powder while every body is against it

My nose will bleed. .my family can most likely notice the powder on my nose then I know I'm not invincible
Yet another failure on this ******* planet.
Another disapoitment,

Well I pretty much described myself . Everything gives me a rush and.....well
I've grown to love it, you can push me off a cliff
And ill do a kick off, I'm ready to ****
The tides
Ready to lose blood as I'm hitting the
Rocks
Im honestly am ready for anything
Because everything possible has already happened
Im ready for the good rush
I wrote this a few years ago when I was having addiction problems. When you think all u have is that one drug to call a friend. You loose yourself in the drug. Im glad I got out
Elsie Plum Sep 14
She knows she is Jesus Christ just one  child just like the man himself and shes loud from time to time to be heard like when she was growing up an only child
Coffee is taken down with a look on her face that’s beyond dissatisfied but ultimately happy and free to do as she will, drinking all the bitter coffee she can
ISNT THIS STRANGE
she said
DISGUSTING AND FUN LIKE MOST THINGS HERE
20:12 pm
Crystal Fang Sep 11
when you said those words to me
you weren't even sober
yet I was the bigger fool
to have taken your words as gospel,
replaying them like they were my favourite song;
as though they were the holy words that would set me free

how fitting of a pair:
the coward and the fool
one hiding behind the smoke
while the other loves an illusion

caught in the turning gyre of your intoxicated words
but you only loved the high-
and I only reminded you of it
That Girl Sep 5
She got dealt a bad hand in life.
But she didn’t fold.
She kept playing.
She didn’t walk away from the table,
And leave the casino like she should have.
She keeps playing the hand life dealt her.
And she’s slowly going into debt.
Deeper in the game until one day she won’t be able to play anymore.
She’ll be out of money.
Out of cards.
I just pray it doesn’t come to that.
I want her to fold.
Leave the table.
Leave that lifestyle behind her.
Count her losses and move on with her life.
There’s more to life than that hand that life dealt her.
I just wish she could sober up long enough to see it.
I just wish she could see that there’s so much more to life than the hand that she was dealt.
Derrick Cox Sep 2
Everyone! Everybody!
If you all could shut the hell up
For a just one sec,
I like to propose a toast.

I’m the designated driver to my friends
when they can’t make it home
I’m everybody’s therapist
really good to talk to
without questions or judgement.
I’m the priest you confess your sins to
because you’re desperate for forgiveness
or afraid to have a one-on-one with God.
I’m often asked how I’m so lit
without any refreshments.

I’m clear as *****.
I don’t need anything extra
to tell the truth
to have a good time
to say yes or no.

I can dance my *** off
and remember last night was dope.
The morning after
I grab my bottle of *****
drinking my issues, blessings, and my fun.
Sweet as honey going down.

So, if you think I’m lame
*******.
I’m actually quite the energy ball.
If you think I’m better than you
get your head out of your ***.
At least I don’t act like a fool.
You think I can’t hang with you.
No. Don’t get the **** twisted;
You can’t hang with me
if shrinking your liver
And burning your lungs like paper
is the only thing on your agenda.

I know you have cancer.
I have cancer too.
We all have it.
And it *****.

So we take our meds
to treat the symptoms;
to feel better
to feel like we’re one step closer
to curing the illness
To feel like everything is going to be alright
even when it’s not gonna be.

The difference between you and me
is that I take the shots
the bartender AKA life
pours into my glass.
I drink
and it’s sweet as honey going down.
Clear as *****.

But please! By all means,
drink what’s in your glass.
Light that **** up.
Just leave me
and my tall bottle of ***** alone.

Because I am about to get
shaken and stirred
until I fall the **** out.

Cheers!
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