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Getting lost, and living solely for achievements, is no way to live.
What is next on the list of things to achieve?
Will it ever be enough?

-Rhia Clay
In the quiet of the night, she lingered, savoring a slow drag from her cigarette.
After all, this was the sole indulgence she allowed herself from time to time.
As she observed the smoke swirling gracefully before her,
she sensed a calmness enveloping her.
Gradually, her spirit was rising, and she understood the importance of not hurrying its journey.
She was not just okay.
She was more than okay,
she was truly alive.

-Rhia Clay
"Who are you?" life asked me.
"A fighter," I answered.
"Who are you?" life asked me.
"A kind soul," I answered.
"Who are you?" life asked me.
"A child of God," I replied.
Life no longer asks me this question,
because I have finally found the only answer that I shall ever need.
I no longer awaken in the stillness of night, with a question lingering on my lips.  

-Rhia Clay
Sometimes a person's soul is so beautiful, it breaks your heart,
and it does more than merely awaken.
It makes you question, leaving you a wholly different being than you were before your souls met.
The person you were before,
has been shaken from its shell,
and now has to learn to live in a world that seems foreign, seems out of place.
Life is never the same when we encounter such souls,
and why would we wish it to be?

-Rhia Clay
This bends my mind.
Welds my thoughts, turning them into gold.
The heartbeat within me slows and speaks.
It twists like metal wrapping around my being.
Like the beams of highway lights, the day's light lingers.
It lingers in a wayward manner,
seemingly afraid to depart,
turning in and wielding light.
Inside out, it seeks a dark place to shelter.  
This life surrounds me.  
It’s paper confetti and barbed wire—  
always bending and never breaking,  
celebrating and awakening.  
Tell me, what is it that we are forsaking?

-Rhia Clay
Be careful with your words.
Words are powerful.
We cannot reclaim them once they are spoken.
Words spoken take only a few moments to speak,
but they can destroy for a lifetime.

-Rhia Clay
The Blackbird greeted the day with a cheerful, “Good morning.”
In response, the owl softly murmured, “Good night.”
As one dream fades away, a new one takes flight.

-Rhia Clay
I saw the fire in your eyes, and I was not afraid.
We are all burning souls; we may as well burn with one another.

Rhia Clay
They say speak your truth,
but only...
only if it doesn’t make others uncomfortable.
Can't smile it away.
They say speak up,
but only...
only if you aren’t too loud.
They say walk proudly and tall,
but only...
only if you don’t attract too much attention.
Can't smile it away.
Though I am tired...
Tired of listening to their empty advice.
You can change for so many people...
you no longer recognize yourself...
until there is nothing left of your true form.
Can't smile it away.
The truth of the prejudices that still exist,
the harmful biases,
the injustices which live in our world,
are not erased, simply...
simply because some choose to ignore them.
Can't smile it away.
The misogyny which exists in our world,
cannot be tucked under the rug,
it can’t be smiled away.
These sentiments aren't meant to bring joy,
these words are not fragile,
these words are not beautiful,
this is just me,
speaking about the truth,
and not feeling ashamed to speak it.
Can't smile it away.
There are still far too many places...
places where women must fear...
fear to walk down their own street,
ever watchful of the hands...
hands of those who feel...
feel their bodies are not their own,
because they are women,
because of their gender.
Can't smile it away.
There are still far too many who do not realize,
that many generations of slavery and oppression,
have left their mark on current generations,
and that hate still lives.
Can’t smile it away.
There are still far too many prejudices which poison the minds,
of those who fear...
fear a religion foreign to their own,
and too many wars are still waged,
in the name of religion.
And when does it end?
You can’t smile it away.

-Rhia Clay
I am grateful for those shining their light into this world, for those fighting for the good, despite the pain they've known.

I am most careful with them because they're the best part of this world, casting their hope into the dark, casting their nets into the stormy seas.

-Rhia Clay
Some things will only find you when you're not seeking them.
They prefer to find you.
Like happiness, like joy.
These feelings cannot be kept or stored away like some sentimental keepsakes.
Instead, they can be appreciated and cherished in every moment that they choose to arrive.

-Rhia Clay
Contemplation

I find myself sitting here for a moment, gathering my thoughts like fragile treasures in my hands, collecting my heart as it stretches across the night sky. I carve out a sanctuary where I can discover a bit of solitude and tranquility. I inscribe my faith onto this page, creating a space for reflection.

I write a name that brings serenity to my weary mind—a name that envelops me in peace: God. This peace fortifies me against the relentless pressures of a life that sometimes feels foreign to me.

Even now, I struggle to fully understand how living with PTSD has transformed my mind. At times, I find clarity, while at other moments, simply existing feels overwhelming. Yet one truth remains clear: I have weathered storms before, and during those trials, God stood by my side. Even in uncharted territories, he is already there, waiting.

He was with me when my world felt like it was collapsing, bursting apart from within, and he remains with me now. So, I take a few more deep breaths, pondering the depth of his love for us. How can it be that he loves us so beyond measure? Yet, he does.

-Rhia Clay
In my days and nights, I seek you, Lord, with all my might.
I trust in you, and even when my trust wavers, yours never does.
I reach for you, and I never stop searching for you.
I search every cell within me for you and seek to spread your kindness.
Long ago, when my mortal mind gave in and sank beneath the waves, you carried me above them, breathing life back into tired lungs.
If you search my depths, you will find that all things beautiful and good stem from you.
When I am unable to let go, I remember the trust I have in you.
I trust you when I don’t understand how I will survive, how you will make a way for me.
I am forever your child, looking for shelter under your wings.
I am your daughter, looking to honor her king.

-Rhia Clay
Sometimes my spirit feels so weary.
Or maybe my soul is just done with hollow people,
sitting behind church doors and pillars of justice,
armed with hate.

-Rhia Clay
I am an artist, try as I might, I will never fully live in this world.
A part of me will always live in the songbird's pocket,
and fly, to land on the windowsill of Romeo and Juliet,
to flutter to the doorstep of Anais Nin,
to hear the poetic masterpieces of her mind.
No, with this artist's heart and a poet's soul,  
a part of me exists only in a dream.

-Rhia Clay
I don’t trust my fears; they have misled me too many times and caused more harm than good.
I trust God because following Him has always brought me improvement, hope, and a more open heart.
Although the path of faith hasn’t always been easy, it has been the most rewarding.
My focus is fixed firmly on Him, and I will sleep well tonight, knowing He is already in those challenging places where I have yet to tread.
Satan murmurs deceit, attempting to rob me of my tranquility, insisting that fear will provide me with safety.
He is a liar, for God has made a way for me in every battle, at all times.
-Rhia Clay
Feeling the torn wings and shattered dreams.
Tear-stained pendulum swinging, as my eyes stare down the light in the hallway with a ten-yard stare.
Climbing into my soul, I cling to the shadow of my angel, trying hard to hold onto a ray of hope, like a dream catcher chasing away bad things.
Falling, I realize that in this descent, I am discovering myself on my way to the ground.
Falling endlessly and quietly, without a single sound,
I ask myself how much farther down I must go.
My soul whispers back softly, “Until you’re found.”

-Rhia Clay
Fall greets the earth as summer slips quietly away.
The seasons are changing, as the leaves shift in color from Emerald Green and Chartreuse
to Russet Browns, antiques of their once fine grandeur,
though still splendid in their beauty.
The color of the leaves, as if painted by hand, so individually crafted.
With swirls of Orange and Coquelicot, the leaves fall as if they are gracing the earth the way a painter graces their canvas.
The air grows cooler, giving way to new glory, breezy winds that whisper, carrying undertones of what is to come.
The lakes feel the chill, and the creatures understand that the changing winds will soon give way to a glacial paradise, an icy oasis.
The changing of the season from summer to fall is one I look forward to,
for there is something in the change that brings back fond memories.
Days filled with love, days spent in front of the fire, snugly wrapped, watching the flames twirl and dance.
Days filled with wonder, days in which my life seemed to move along to a soft and gentle melody that only I could hear.
Days when I held to life, and it met me with grace.
Still now, when I feel the fall winds gently embracing my skin,
I feel the same wonder, and that old melody carries me away again.

-Rhia Clay
I know it's not the season for fall poetry. However, I wanted to share a piece I wrote a while back that brings back fond memories. I hope you'll enjoy it too. :)
Fire

There is a fire inside my soul,  
with flames dancing beneath my skin, casting shadows against my cheeks.  
I feel my spirit rise after enduring so much.  
I sense the fire lingering, along with the sun and the life springing forth from my lungs.  
And you, God, you draw me into your depths, reminding me of who I am,  
and that I am not finished yet.  
This world has tried to bury me with its furious fists and powerful hands,  
and yet, here I stand.

-Rhia Clay
So, the morning called to her.
Rise, it said.
Don't you feel the air whispering?
It is filled with freedom.
Use it wisely; savor every drop.
Stretch it across your life until it covers everything.

-Rhia Clay
I said that we were done, and that all ties between us had been severed.
Yet, my body betrays me, for I trace your heart in my sleep, as I cannot forget its shape...

-Rhia Clay
I remember kindness.  
I remember love.  
I remember grace so pure that it blinded me like the sun.  
I will carry that with me always.  
I will shield it like the light within me, a light that grows each time I rise above the ugliness I have known.  
Every time I choose life, I remember you.  
Every time I choose to care for myself instead of letting this world make me feel unworthy of love, I remember.  
Thank you for all the love you poured into me and for being a light during my storms.  
I remember…

-Rhia Clay
Joy
Joy
Our joy sneaks up on us like some gorgeous, wild, and untamed creature,
waiting in the shadows until we remember to invite it in.

-Rhia Clay
As the 4th of July approaches, people prepare their fireworks and barbecues.
They emerge from their cozy corners, their towns and homes.
All getting ready for the festivities, their eyes sparkling with the anticipation of joy and relaxation.
I look up at my colorful banners and blue balloons, gently swaying in the breeze.
I shut my eyes and breathe in the aroma of barbecued meat mingled with a trace of smoke drifting from a nearby restaurant.
A sense of peace washes over me, accompanied by a bittersweet feeling as I remember a loved one who left this world on this American holiday.
It was 1997, and I was merely ten years old when the man I called my father took his final breath. I was just a child, and my world shattered into pieces as I watched him fight. I felt powerless to change the course of events, understanding that nothing could hold his spirit back from departing this life.
My tiny hands and aching heart were unable to save him.
Yet his compassion lives on in this world and within me. His love remains unforgotten.
Through my father, I experienced a love that was unconditional, and I carry that in my heart with affection and remembrance. I treasure our moments together and cling to the belief that our souls will reunite.
May these words find you in heaven until I can reach you.

-Rhia Clay
A spiritual journey is funny.
Just when you think you've lost, you've actually won.
Not because you gave up, but because you learned to let go...

-Rhia Clay
Great are those who lend their light to those who have lost their own. They are miracles in human form.

-Rhia Clay
That moment when your strength gives out and God's strength begins.  
There are not enough words to describe that beauty.
There are not enough words to call it by name.
That moment when Jesus sits with you as you hold your pain in your hands,
and you give it to him,
because it's heavy.  
And you feel the love fill your heart so full you think surely your heart cannot contain it.
That's love.
That's the only name I can give it that feels right.

-Rhia Clay
She had a well-oiled mind.
A kind of thinking that kept a rhythm,
even in chaos.
That kept tapping the well of knowledge until it found what it sought.
That kept time with life,
while feeding the spiritual.
With one foot in the proverbial language of the world,
and one foot in the meadow.
Quick but careful.
She took her time,
in a world where anything tedious was shunned.

-Rhia Clay
I stood in silence, and though the world offered me no time, I stole some time, and I relished in the victory of the moment I had stolen.
It belonged to no one, save me.

-Rhia Clay
Then there are those moments which touch the soul,
and you wish you could freeze them in time.
Sometimes, mere moments of kindness can heal years of pain.

-Rhia Clay
We drank coffee and smoked cigarettes as the sun rose.
We spoke in philosophical rhymes, unaware of the passage of time.
I realize now that the love we had is lost.
You reach for me, but I am a phantom. Long ago, I stopped reaching back.
Still, what we had—the raw and unearthly attraction, the bond forged between our two souls—is unlike anything I’ve ever known.
I will be alone until love strikes my heart like it once did.
I want a love that burns me to ash and then resurrects itself from the remnants.
I want a love that bleeds, gives, and never makes me question my worth.
If I can’t have that, I am content with nothing at all.

-Rhia Clay
Mothers are a gift.
They bear their burdens with such grace,
one would never know of their struggles.
They raise leaders, nurture our future,
and give endlessly,
all with a smile.
I don’t have many words today, as the day’s work has worn me down. Instead, I possess a quiet but firm resolve. Softly, under my breath, I whisper “Jesus,” and for now, this is enough...

-Rhia Clay
Value your own peace enough to guard it fiercely.
Regard it as something precious,
because it is.
Make no apologies for doing what you think is right to maintain your sense of peace.
No one understands you better than you,
what you must do to take care of yourself,
and you owe no one an apology for how you choose to protect your energy, your peace.

-Rhia Clay
There was a voice that called deeply in the night.
There was a thickening of life,
that slowed one's inner thoughts.
There was a suspended pendulum,
that ceased its free swing,
and all at once, it seemed,
there was motion in grief.
There was a single drop of rain, that caught the passing days.
There was a forward movement,
and inside the fray of life,
I could feel a light begin to take shape.

-Rhia Clay
She stood on the precipice of decision, knowing that where her heart went, her whole being would follow.
She knew she was striking out into the unknown again, taking another risk, taking another chance.
The risk was worth it to keep herself whole.
The risk was worth it to maintain her sense of self.
Trauma had stripped away too much for her to live a life that demanded she sacrifice her mind and body to sustain it.
There had been too many dark days to live without light.
So she reached out, held on to hope, and clung to the light that was returning, eagerly awaiting the chance to shine anew.
Her soul stood strong in its decisions, ready to begin again, willing her on, through and through.

-Rhia Clay
I’ve been sprinting through this life, caught in a whirlwind of urgency and strife, weaving through congested streets just to reach the sanctuary of home.
Trying to keep grinding, though my destination is unknown.
The grind never ceases; I push forward until exhaustion grips me.
Yet, I rise again, for stopping is not an option.
Barely making ends meet, where is my antitoxin?
I pour every ounce of my being into this life, striving to carve out a place for myself.
Trying to tell myself that my dreams will someday be taken off their self-imposed shelf.
I’m stumbling, balancing precariously on this tightrope of ambition.
Don’t falter; don’t gaze down.
The drop won’t seem so daunting if you don’t mind the sound.
Gasping for air, I gather my strength to face it all once more.
I crave tranquility, peace of mind.
Struggling through the chaos, it’s hard to find the time.
I need to be my own anchor, be my own best friend.
After all, that’s all we possess in the end.
Suddenly, in the chaos of it all, a voice like an angel pierces the veil of the struggle.
Tears flow, my silent release from the weight of this existence, a small reward for all of my persistence.
The music begins, its melody enveloping me completely, every note hanging in the air so sweetly.
All my pain is unlocked, and my soul breathes a bit, and for a moment, there is nothing but the moment of this song.
A moment in time I stole from this heavy world, all of my resistance…silently unfurled.
-Rhia Clay
I breathe deeply, remembering sweetly.
I close my eyes, and the sound of the wind as it runs along the beach is close.
The sound of seagulls fills the air, and the piercing sun that causes me to squint is hot on my face.
The hum of the car stereo rings in my ears, and I feel its rhythm in my fingertips.
My heart swells with happiness as my grandfather smiles warmly at me and asks if I’d like an ice cream.
I am as happy and drunk on life as I will ever be.
At this moment, I don’t yet realize that the grandfather I know as my father will soon leave me, as his body begins to fail him and his heart beats for the last time.
I am 10 years old and I believe he will live forever; death is the farthest thing from my mind. Life still feels gentle and breezy.
It’s on days like these that I hold on to the memories of my father. I carry his smiling, gentle eyes in my heart, and on the dark days, I fight harder because he loved me so deeply.
I let that love burn away the pain.

-Rhia Clay
Just a moment spent in prayer,
is worth more than all the wisdom this world can offer me.
Just a whisper from Jesus,
is enough to replenish,
to find the strength to finish my journey.

-Rhia Clay
Return to Grace

Every now and then, the world tries to convince me that I’m broken.
How funny this is, coming from a broken world.
Then, in the silence of my efforts, I look up and realize that my resilience is still mighty and that my indomitable spirit is still soaring.
I am not broken, I am just beginning.
The world is opening before me, and I am receiving it with care.
I feel my grit and resolve rise within me, and I smile because they have not waned.
My spirit was fortified in fire; it can withstand a little rain.
I turn inward, more gentle with myself.
I return to grace.

-Rhia Clay
Is there anything more gorgeous than a human being rising, greeting their own soul again after the distance nearly tore them apart?  

-Rhia Clay
I don’t know how to quit. I am not made that way. I don’t give up.
I burrow into the earth and dig deeper roots.
I bend and dance, but through God’s grace, I mend—full of both fury and grace.

-Rhia Clay
My mind is covered in scar tissue from too many years of pain, with wounds that keep reopening as the world shakes me and pulls at my hair.
Still, I look up and see beauty.
In the early morning, the light radiated with such brilliance that I felt certain I could glimpse heaven.
All I could do was absorb the moment and give thanks.
I’d endure 80 dark nights for a morning so bright.

-Rhia Clay
Calm yourself, dear soul;  
the difficult times do not last forever.  
Everything comes to an end,  
and sometimes an ending is simply the universe's way of giving you time to recognize that your path is shifting.  
The direction you take will ultimately lead you home.  
Embrace the shift and listen closely to its whispers.  
Just as you can hear the echo of wisdom within a seashell you’ve picked up from the shore,  
you too can hear this guidance if you quiet your mind and soul enough to listen.

-Rhia Clay
I wouldn't exchange a single moment or alter a second in the challenging universe of existence, for in surviving all those hard times, I discovered how to truly appreciate life.
Some of the happiest among us have braved the darkest nights, but darling, we know how to live; our scars shine oh so bright..

-Rhia Clay
Sometimes after a long battle,
all you long for is soft.
Soft embraces, soft hands, and soft words.

-Rhia Clay
I felt my wandering spirit kick up a dust that rattled in my bones.
Spirit speak, hungry as you are...  

-Rhia Clay
If I spread my soul out before you, would you stay, seeing all my light and all my dark?
  -Rhia Clay
I have news for you,
even when you think you're failing,
you're actually winning.
Because if you're failing,
that means that you're still in the game.
If you're still fighting,
they haven't won.
Whoever "they" are to you,
don't let them win.
Stay in the game.

-Rhia Clay
Tell me a beautiful story, but just for tonight, please don't punish me with the truth...

-Rhia Clay
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