Being surrounded by a wealth of people
Forever feeling so poor.
To observe and have so much to say
Communication a chore
The gulf of distance between two friends
Despite being so close
The desire to celebrate and entertain
But nobody to host
To be sat in the warm glow of the fire
But feel so bitter with cold
See life going on all around you
Never truly in the fold.
To know of your family's embrace
But never be held.
To understand the beauty of colour,
But only see grey.
I am here,
Can you see me?
Do I matter
To any degree?
October, 27, 2017 (Friday)
Flying down the open empty road, unaware of the surprise attack waiting for us ahead as we continued to drive.
My eyes set on the left side of the road, low like the cold temperature of the wind who's warmth couldn't be revived
A light breath of snowflakes swept over the road like floating silk as my eyes were stolen for a moment by a small feathered creature
Closed up like a rabbit in it's hollow, frozen like fish trapped in a sheet of ice, trembling like death was its new teacher
It was only a blink of a moment I saw it, and a gap of years seemed to rotate around this trap of love
"Mom.. I think that was an owl..." I said with my voice almost in a whispering disbelief. My hand giving her arm a wheel turning shove
"What should we do?" She said as if I was the higher authority. I turned my head to look back, in the opposite direction of the car.
"Turn around..." My mind got into a conflict with those words... I'd be late for work... That didn't worry me, even though we weren't that far...
I didn't know how much longer the animal of sky and flight could handle the harshness of Octobers cold shoulder.
I felt her foot slowly increase it's pressure onto the brakes, her small stormy Toyota turning around, being forced to submit to her.
Approaching slowly, the road was surprisingly empty and alone. My pupils motionless as they starred
For a minute I believed the lies that I was being an idiot. My mind was tricked into thinking it was a small thick branch with many lairs.
But the truth screamed louder than the wind's howl as shards of ice and snow caused it's feathers to poof outward
To shield his small fragile body. My mind went blank, amazed to be able to steal this opportunity, the car slowly moved downward
Into a gravel driveway, that rested next to a stand. I removed my pink hoodie and inserted myself into the dangers of being alone
Begging and praying in my head to my Lord for guidance, I crossed the wide road, my soul knowing who was in control
I crept behind the railing and as quickly and quietly as possible I approached it.
Numbed to my existence. It's head in a stage of black and deathly hibernation, I could see it's dying spirit
Lightly, I tossed the bright magenta hoodie over it like a net. A little hop was it's only reaction
I swung my legs over the railing and carefully surrounded it with my hoodie and hands, longing to show it passion.
But it's little strong black claws fearfully grasped onto the cracks in the road. Like a hook trapped within the jaws of a fish.
I could feel nothing... Only the loud threatening heart beats within me, giving my bangs a swish.
With the steady guidance of patience, my shaking fingers removed his terrifying grip, and quickly swaddled him.
I carried him like a newborn infant as I cautiously recrossed the road, feeling my soul has met natures grim.
We both inserted ourselves into the heat blasting automobile, my mother gasped when she saw the little feathered screech owl cradled in my arms
Still trapped by hibernation's drug. I held him close to the heated vents, hoping that life will be surrendered to the side of the warm.
His feathers were in several shades of tree bark brown, he had two little feathered peaks that looked like horns to a crown
Softer then even the silkiest chinchilla, his eyes were closed, but within minutes, only the eye lashes of his right eye flickered around
Suddenly, time revolved around the neck of him, for he turned his head right towards me, and his right eye of sun bursting glow revealed its self to me.
My blood stopped pumping, my lungs shut down, my heart trapped in ice, my eyes making contact with his, feeling like a ship lost at sea.
One of Nature's King of the sky finally awakened, but what was his next move? For these little beast were proud and protective over their bodies
Where their wings have soared over, they claim as theirs, They have used their beaks and claws as weapons against my kind. They have been given the label of being naughty.
Was I it's next victim? Was this choice a blood dripping trap? Was adoring my Lord's creation a mistake?
The Lord brought this little one in my path for a reason, how can I doubt His plan? For this moment, He wanted me to take.
It's round smooth moving head looked to the left, and then to the right, and then back at me, it's little eye blinking, and very tired
It jumped! But jumped closer into me. It's white and light brown feathered chest against mine. It's head cuddled right into my fingers like a tangled wire.
Softly and lightly I petted it's super soft silky small head, seeing his one eye going into a happy squint.
It only cuddled more and more, demanding more of this sweet affection. His eye gave me that hint
Soon, he started to wander around on my legs, exploring all of this high technology unknown to nature
Flew about a few times to test and experience the ways of human beings, his wings stretched out and soared like sliding glaciers
Once we approached our destination of a recuse center, his curiosity grew as he bonked his head against the dashboard window. The poor thing!
He looked at me, feeling shameful, and filled with stupidity as he flew to my lower arm, and then my elbow that was up high. He nested into it like a king.
He remained there and studied me, his eye never looking away. My soul was at peace until it lashed open it's left eye. My sight got drilled
It was only for an image of a second that I saw that bright red, dark purple, and indigo eye. His left eye was blood filled.
He quickly closed it and snuggled closer to my chest. I felt a hollow part of me being revealed and filled with grace
It's funny how the Lord planned everything out, how he allowed me to experience this sweet heart capturing moment of this wild owl's gentle face.
My Hallow, the name suits you well. For it was an honor for our Holy creator to allow me to interact with the forest beast of flight
A hollow part of me was realized and filled. A desire, a new way to make my Creator made known... through your opposite personality of fight
Permanently blind in your right eye, but your spirit is still sweet and calm to only me. Yours wings still spread like the wide flames of a wild fire
Your unique different colored eyes beaming with adorable sweet love. But also determination that is deep and dire.
You're small, but even our God used David to defeat Goliath. You're an animal, but God used a Donkey to lead Balaam away from danger!
You may not be normal again, but the Lord can still use you, for He has used you and many other animals in my life, although I was a stranger
Hallow, the Blood Filled Eye Screech Owl, I won't allow this lesson to be stolen from me, the lesson of freedom, wisdom, and trust.
The Lord will call us to do the craziest, weirdest, most unbelievable things at times. We shouldn't let these test turn to dust
and if the Lord called me to do something like this again...
I'd do it in a heart beat...
I sit alone in this garden of many colors,
Flowers bloom beautifully in this warm spring,
Seen through these eyes of mine, it grows duller and duller,
I cast my eyes down, feeling a shamed sting.
This breathtaking scene frustrated with me,
I crept to the center of these dense woodlands,
Moving beneath an ancient blue oak tree,
Grey still all around me, I sat with my head in my hands.
Minutes birthed hours.
Hours birthed days.
Days birthed weeks.
Weeks birthed eternity.
I know not how long I remained under that oak,
But I knew the cascading emotions within would not calm,
I rose to my knees, conjuring up some false hope,
Doing anything that I could to make myself carry on.
I found myself yearning for the poison once again,
I found my soul pleading and begging for another taste,
I felt my very ashes being ground against the grain,
As I locked myself away in solitude, my mind ever on that waste.
Life feels so very grey now,
Every color faded and old,
Crawling on by somehow,
With this heart still ice cold.
Here I still am, and here I will remain,
I wait for my live-giving spark to return,
Praying for an end to this ceaseless hurt and pain,
Praying for the singular want I still yearn.
Color to coat this grey slate.
A feeling so nothing but everything as well
seeps to your heart
then buries your lungs
making you fickle and pale
An emptiness so bare you can't even describe
of rotten smell
and nature's quell
only dust is left behind
A vacant stare
A man-set snare
A jet black mare
Sending you to slaughter
failing to see my mistakes
is holding you against my back
we are memoirs with curved edges
we are hollow when we speak
my reflection is clear
and concise with words i dread
like the afternoon
we forgot how to hold each other
we were broken pieces
in jars of clay
ready to unfold
our unkept promises
to be broken down again
i have not thought of loving
for weeks i run passed
an endless train
i am ready
to be filled again
and down goes my desires
i am more than seeking the feeling
of having a hand to hold
reaching for somebody close,
or pass the time with
another entity, another soul
to play disguise with
i am at the gates
and i am holding them open
with my cold, bare hands.