while barnsey
cried like a refugee
i ate like one this week
a statement of support
for those not as lucky
about the lottery
of this global inequity
a little lesson for me
well fed and free
in knowing food
in knowing gratitude
in knowing hunger
in knowing anger
in knowing want
and saying don't
dismiss humanity
not as free
a glimpse for me
a little empathy
for life as refugee

When you are passionate,
When you don't want it,
When you don't long for it.
When you NEED it
When the night calls your name
When you are the only person alive
When your consciousness begins to enflame
When your eyes collide with the stars
When your head spins yet focuses on one point
When your spirit is not a spirit and you are one with your body
When your arms are machines steaming and burning with glory
When you're legs are a rocketship light-speed towards the moon
When you are the ARCHANGEL you always hoped for and never appeared
When it all vanishes and you are trapped only by that NEED
That HUNGER
That FLAME.

When you are ONE with the adrenaline which burns your veins into infinity
When you are your own GOD
When you are thirsty tired broken yet keep going,

When your passion renders you complete.

june 22 2017

The surreal walk to the unknown
Chemicals burn in our bloodstream
To wear it off
Walk till the break of dawn

We ignite our thrills
Engines roar
To conquer our midnight thrists
You will hear it
When it nears

Vanish into the night
Listen to the whispers
That it wants you to hear
Shift down for the shear rush
Through the abandoned leads

Trip down the memory lane
It wasn't our hunger in the first place
Just scripting of a memory to be made
The Needed cherish when everything fade

You make me hungry
...
Let me try again
...

We sat and watched
Walked and touched
Stood and kissed

I promise I do more than just sweat

Oh I wanted to apologize
For breaking your stuff
And
For being flakey
And
For the way the universe spun our destinies in an inexplicable, individual intersection rather than a permanent, parallel path.

AND I wanted to thank you
For all the funny videos
And
For being my crash course
And
For your thoughts, your consistent focus, your dependability in a GOD FORSAKEN world at the times I needed clarity and all I could see was the back of the lenses made to help me see farther

Tell me, does this sound like a goodbye?

Let's just be genuine like we always are

I dig you.

And
I don't want to be the one to bury you.
I know a good amount of your scars and I don't want my name on one of them.

Not one

So before we do this,
before we commit
to this perishable product and it's ever approaching expiration date.

Let's be genuine like we always are

Tell me it won't hurt. Tell me you can take it. Tell me... The truth?
Is that what I want?

I thought I wanted the truth. Now I only want it if it's not what I expect.

SO SURPRISE ME

is that what I'm trying to say?

Honey
Baby
I'm a sucker for surprises
I mean
Aren't we all?
Don't we all
Need a good shock to the system every now and then?
And that's all you've ever been to me

So you'll tell me what I want to hear and call it the truth, harboring ulterior motives.
And I'll buy into it and call it acceptable, thinking, "things have changed" "it's different now" "this can work"
You can make a man lie to himself so easily, you know that?

Resentment?
No
Frustration?
Not really

What is it?

You make me hungry
...
Let me try again
...

No

Not again

Bonbons
chocolate coating
over sugary sweets
excessive bloating
Upside-down cake
sweet moist taste
in a pineapply way
it's all gone to waste
Lasagna
cheesy baked goodness
all that deliciousness
look at this mess
Ice cream
gallons of the stuff
all the flavors
but I throw it up
Macaroni and cheese
comfort foods
my throats hurts
i'm a stupid fool
IHOP
pancakes with syrup
bacon and sausage
maybe I'll just give up
Apple pie
eat and purge
nothing works
it just hurts

I wrote this a REALLY long time ago. I know the rhyming sucks and the rhythm is off, but I think it's cool.
Alexa Rose Jun 12

How can I fall asleep when I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow?
I'm the walking dead drowning in my own sorrow.
When will this nightmare end? I'm sick of pretending everything's all good.
Maybe when I wished for an interesting life I misunderstood.
  I've been counting my blessings for so long. Nothings changed, I'm growing weary. It's draining me to be strong. This pain in my chest never leaves. I wonder if it,ll ever leave? I used to be happy. Now I'm questioning everything I believe. I fake a smile as I'm close to tears, I'm screaming but nobody hears.

   You've left me stranded in the dark, not knowing where to turn. Thought I could depend on you. The memory of you is now burned. I've been wandering the same road for so long. Searching for rest and a place to call my own. My body's tired from the weight of everything I'm carrying. The sun now slowly rising, mesmerized my eyes are open and that I'm still conscious. Walking on in the bright horizon.
    A new day has just begun and it's time for me to swallow my pride and go on with the show. Even if I'm hurting from head to toe. Been climbing this mountain for so long. Fighting to make it over without falling back down. I haven't truly lived in a while, for as long as I can remember its only been survival. Been trapped in this precipice which felt like forever, until along came September...

   Finally something to hold onto. It felt like eternity since I've had some normalcy like waking in a bed. How I missed the feeling of a place to rest my head. Everything seemed better until your malicious endeavors made it hard to breathe. I would ask myself every night as I cried myself to sleep, when will there finally be peace?
   Trying to move ahead is easier said than done. I end up feeling stuck instead. Your words cut me like a knife. You've made it clear you'll always be number one and I'll always be next to none...

Zan Balmore May 25

On a night like this

My heart swells enormous
Much to give, so little
Left of it

On a night like this

Foggy with dead wishes
Wished, gone unfulfilled
Sent kisses

In midair hang heavy,
Corporeal,

On a night like this

Park bench misery, my
Mystery love, would you
Meet me in the dark time?

May your cold hand find mine
Hold tight, brace for impact
In the ensuing wave of chaos

Two
zan May 24

she cries herself to sleep
she hurt herself to bleed
she pleaded herself to keep
she loved him just to be tricked—

and starved herself to live.

I once tasted a love
that could call back the dawn
from the dark side of the moon

©LadyofRavenhill 5/19/17
Rohan Nath May 14

Breathing in the shadow was his destiny;
Yet he walked on the street pleasantly.
Little feet embraced the scorching asphalt;  
Yet he walked on the street without a halt.
Skinny arms struggling to move his sack;
Yet he walked without turning back.
Belly crying for a roti and some water;
Yet he walked like those didn’t matter.

He knew he had to fulfill his concern;
A duty to survive and somehow earn…

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