If you wish to meet
Your goal in time
In the direction
You miss the goal
Choose right direction
Before gaining right speed
To reach your goal
In desired time
Your dejected looks
Fill me up with your labels
Like a ***** sponge
I want to rinse myself clean
From your punitive ideas
About my mental illness
You drift your words around me
Silence is your method
To sever from me
And it bothers me
So I let the water run
I will travel with it
Me and my f*ed up head
Off to find a new solution
We’re off and going for purity
There’s cleanliness in dissolution
Studying the wrinkled lines
of elder poems
on the topic of
the Four Directions;
the poetics of
and mossy sage
acorn of the heart
In this infinity;
a piney cabin
inside a bamboo
river rock hearth;
warming her palms
of snapping flames
“North, South, West and East;
Trust the Wise Arrows
from Your Heart's
Pondering the Inner Compass; our Heart space and the infinite wise sage that resides within.
Intelligence is like a compass, in that it allows you to go a specific direction but is only useful in the context of the wilderness that you stand within. Without knowing where you are and where you need to go, a compass will only help you stay the course towards an unknown destination. Wisdom is the map upon which the compass lies. That which gives sustained direction the context it needs to ensure the intended destination is reached.
I climb slowly
gripping each ledge, each pebble
leaping from perch to perch
Each breath sends chills down my stiff spine.
Each heartbeat drums strong in my fingers.
Each moment moves slowly until it passes,
until it is gone and I must move onwards,
upwards and onwards.
Directionless, I merely climb for ages,
days and weeks and summers pass
essays and applications
money and apartments
endless obligations I halfway want.
I've done what I'm supposed to do.
I don't know what to want,
what I want.
Happiness is to the north, but I dropped my compass years ago.
I stumble in each direction, moving closer, farther.
Still, I climb, clinging tight, promising myself another year.
another draft that's been collecting dust
thinking about the morning
creating a new day
making new memories
watching for the past to pass
waiting for the future to arrive
Brian Hill - 2020 # 215
I became myself when no one else knew who I truly was. Why...?
Why couldn't anyone simply figure me out (ahead of time) when I could entirely (beforehand) figure myself out since even when I was first brought into this very world...? Well isn't it obvious...? A voice said, tempting me to gaze upon the very fixed position at which the voice came from. But when trying to focus on it harder... I seemed to have become both aware of and realized towards it's actual radius from how far it truly covered my very thought process. It became a rarity which seemed to last (somehow) for an entire lifetime. Because what this actually tells me, is that the radius came from everywhere! (How's such a thing even possible? I'd never know, truly!) No circumventing around any such corners or bends. No swerving out of alignment just so it could have a quick pit stop just to say something else that (could or could not have been just as important to what they simply just said right then...here and now). I was entirely speechless...! I didn't know what too think, except for what they said. Now sounding as if reverberating a soundless beat. Something that had used up ALL it's amplified power of sound to come to a now soothing calm beat. Something sounding too distant not to be fake. As it happened without any of my senses whereabouts from actually knowing. Because if my senses even knew where it was essentially coming from...they'd swear to know it was coming from deep within themselves. B-but that's a complete mistake...! It just had too be! There is NO WAY...it came from them.... Or else then, everything's not truly what it seems in one's very mind, right...? So in this very hour of need. This very desiring minute of youthfulness. These very repeating seconds that reveal totality in it's best remarks. Mind. Body. Soul. It's not what it seems to be. I've figured out my very self before anyone else could advance towards my literal cause. Because when I actually appeared before that very now still distant voice that simply gave off a very reverberating tension... I spoke back to it as if in the form of a single swaying of my gaze from the inside out. And do you ALL know what I saw...? NOTHING!!! I saw...NOTHING!!! That's *******! I thought too myself for a quick brief silence between (me, myself and I). There may be essentially nothing there... But I can see straight on through that nothingness as the horrors that await my true self. I know now why NO ONE else could figure me out or knew who I even was...before figuring myself out firstly. Because that's how it works... My true self is the horrors that await me past the horizon of that now still very distant reverberating sound. A message that speaks volumes against those outside myself to stay wary of who I truly am. (Or what I truly always was...without simply giving the very recognition it ever deserved.) I see ALL! Because I know ALL! It happened everywhere! Because it was everywhere! I surpassed my entire limits long ago without anyone seeing why that was. Only my own waking state, conscious mind keeping me rooted in regular reality long enough to keep being my still same sane and neutral self I've ALWAYS been!
When you've essentially figured out your entire self (before even growing up throughout different phases of lives very lessons)... You come to appreciate the horrors of what those very implications have in store when seeing everything else as a merely pale imitation trying to restore some resemblance back into just ("not knowing ahead of time")! When it's really the very creepy impression of ("beforehand") you should really watch out for...!
I heard people say love makes you, no good.
but never believed maybe I should.
Loving you was like filling a *** with a hole at its bottom.
I became the leaf and you become autumn.
But now the pain evaporated and my eyes are open.
confusion and all illusions are broken.
now I know how to walk the right direction.
for all my mistakes I have a way to correction.
Soon this struggle will give me wings to fly.
with a smile, all my tears will dry and from now on I will never cry.