You unwanted feeling
You impenetrable mist
You suffocating smoke
You drowning sea
You return into my life
You come back to me.

When i feel at my happiest
With the one i love
With success on the horizon
You return to remind me
Nothing i have is deserved

You remind me of the bad times
Of every mistake
Every word i wish i could destroy
Engulf in fire and burn from history
Of the people i hurt
Who now refuse to look at me
You laugh at me mercilessly
"They all wish you werent here"

I can't help but weep
Weep in the face of my biggest enemies
Guilt
Shame
Sadness
Myself
I can feel myself crumbling into my own hands
The threads becoming tangled
The tv showing only static

I know not why i keep walking
Perhaps for the hand that holds mine
No matter how hard things get
Perhaps for the hope that this will cease
The hope that
No fog, no matter how dense
Can stretch eternally
Welcome back
But this time, it'll be different
This time, i win.

You wanna heal,
Don’t you
But breaking the ingrained patterns of generations
Is hard
But you’ve grasped the idea
And now you just can’t let it go,
This notion that you could be stronger, healthier, more joyful— inviting all of life in through your senses
And just letting go
Of all the heavy burdens that have weighed you down for so long
You’ve spoken your burdens for years
But speaking never beget change
The change you ached for, the transformation you only theorized about
But what you didn’t know
Is that this idea of healing
Was a seed that was planted into your heart
And this kind of seed
Takes a long time to gestate
So even if you haven’t seen visible changes in yourself and in your life
Just know that the seed has cracked open
And is spreading deep roots,
Replacing the roots of your traumas
Your healing, when it is born and continues to grow in its visible manifestation
Will appear differently than how you imagined it
Yet you will be more overjoyed by its reality than by your limited fantasy of it
Your healing
Will be a revolution to yourself and to all those you have ties with
Some won’t understand your changes, neither will you at times
But just continue to listen to your heart, it’s simple, inviting song
And rest in all the beauty that is unfolding before you and within you.

Besides the ferry,

seagulls dive to our pleasure –


on pieces of bread.

Create to start day
Relax by midday
Learn by late day
Contemplate to end day
Read when it's not day
Dream it all away

Soot on LA highway signs. Billboard of you,
a real estate agent. All endeavor slides
toward inertia, extinction, forgetfulness.

It’s very tropical. Vegetation invades
the house unless constant inputs of joy
apply. The scientist in you feels the

great ape in you. The great ape feels
death growing wide. What about work?
I devote my present to my future existence.

In what way, in what sense
does one continue to resist. As
a dessicated cell, a mole of elements,

an ancient’s aura, a daguerreotype-like
shadow on a sidewalk, persistent headache,
paleolithic herbivore, potential energy, will.

Some wake up and pray, say thanks for
another day. Others curse their luck, stale breath,
the very thought of the rosy dawn makes them ill.

Lonely as leaf fall.
Nature knows no pity or self-pity
according to antiquity, the roof soot of the city.

I admire fire, tools and ore. Agriculture.
Cities, empire. Trading and taking (war).
Numbers, counting, writing. Libraries, discoveries, zero.

And the single-minded universe
that’s only a paper moon
without your love.

She dreams in aqua blue,
seasons melting into one another,
dancing among fallen leaves
or beneath the golden sun,
     her fiery green eyes shimmering
     like emeralds in a jewelry store case,
     skin like water running through  fingers,
     dancing, dancing,
hands thrown to the sky
casting rainbows like ribbons
to celebrate the dawning of her joy.

Awake
Light and positivity
Cheerful bliss
loving embrace
holy God
glory is him

Sundial casts shadows
Mirror reflects forgiveness
Joy comes at sunrise

©