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See me hitch, retching, and spit
An awful glob of blackened, steaming bile
A bug writhes, dying slow in the poison
Like a man whose back is pierced with a blade
I fear this is no disease in my guts
Rather waste from my pustulating self

I am clawing at my self
Cracking open a stomach full of spit
My fingers stained with the soot from my guts
And corroded through in the pitch black bile
Using my teeth like a serrated blade
My tongue stings, awash in the dark poison

It maddens me, this poison
How it managed to fester in my self
Slowly it formed like a thousand fold blade
It mingled and covered my teeth like spit
Ate away at something, this awful bile
And made its home, coating my writhing guts

As I sit scrying my guts
I must not hide the proof in this poison
I manufactured this brackish, black bile
Allowed it to well up within my self
To weaponize, to defensively spit
A subtler offense than any crude blade

In the ground I ****** the blade
Preparing to spill the rest of my guts
And I see others, smiles leaking spit
Slurries and suspensions of the poison
The byproduct of our worship of self
This self-absolving, all-filling black bile

I cannot remove the bile
Someone else and better must wield the blade
I must submit all control over self
Submit to the pain of purging my guts
The sound of my head landing in poison
My hair with the bugs in puddles of spit

As it stands, the bile still leaks from my guts
I've met the blade yet not kicked the poison
And my self, I keep a mouth full of spit
A poem about selfishness, emptying yourself, and yielding your authority over your own life.
Eve
She dances around the apple tree,
as Adam watches her innocent beauty
Naked-ness but with no seduction
They are both free from a shameful tease.

There's an apple that she can't resist,
The temptation of such the delicious
She decides no harm to take a bite,
And when she does comes the blight.

Sin is born and their bodies become shameful,
They cover themselves with leaves and trigs.
And seduction is born to lust as born to passion
And their bodies become sinful as the rain drips.

The wetness of Eve's lovely skin and her hair,
and green eyes is more than Adam can bare.
Such beauty and the virtue of this ******
He wishes as before his eyes couldn't see.
I wish I could just play,
the emotions I feel
that are on display
I've always been this way.

Bumping,
peeling
orange peel
I sat until I apologized,
3 times in kindergarten.
Her head was throbbing,
but I didn't meant it
but still, I could see the pain,
just before it rained,
I apologized the third time.

And yet, I didn't learn the lesson,
when I had a heavy drinking session,
I said the worse to a 12 year old girl,
when she attacked and mocked my world.

You should never verbally abuse
a 12 year old kid, no excuse.
I felt so sick the next day,
but my  poison still remained

I'm now free of the abuse,
trying hard to resist,
the drugs that I am on
Gives me poetry to persist,
but I still stand accused
Can't feel any bliss
Not worthy of God's son.
Though no more alcoholism,
I will wind up walking dead,
or hurting those, I love everyone.
White Owl Apr 6
I won't fear men whose hands cause pain
Or those that hunt the young like wolves,
For beneath the wings of my Lord is my shelter,
And He serves His justice a hundredfold.
I won't fear men whose abandon the weak
Or those that tear this body apart,
For my Savior promised He'd always be with me,
And someday, life in my new form will start.
Mar '22

One day years ago, I had a panic attack relating to some things I had endured years prior, and that I feared might someday happen again. After praying for peace, I opened a google doc, and these are the words that came to me.
White Owl Apr 8
Oh God, how long until my woes
Transfigure into peace?
Until the violent storms inside my skull
Will finally cease?
Until the gaping emptiness
I feel beneath my ribs
Is filled with warmth and joyousness?
That's all I plead You give!

Around me I see people full
With water, meat and wine.
I see them eat together --
Oh, how carefree they all dine!
When hunger hasn't gripped my gut,
I've gorged on rotten meat.
And when my throat has not been dry,
Vinegar's been my treat.

Please give me, Lord, a future hope
That isn't a mirage.
I look for peace, but pain attacks
In relentless barrage.
My spirit grumbles -- do take ear
And help my soul to thrive.
Mend this broke heart and give me strength
To want to be alive.
Jul '24
Jesus' baby Apr 8
How fluidly
His nearness moves—
A quiet weight
The soul approves.

How full of breath
The moments stay,
When presence glows
And clears the grey.

The spirit lifts
Beyond the air,
When joy expands
And pulses there.

But I—
I tasted lies like wine,
And veered from light
By slow design.

The path went dim,
My vision blurred—
I slipped beneath
My own lost word.

Yet still You speak
In silent flame,
With steady hands
That know my name.

Thank You, Lord,
For roots that hold—
For love unearned,
And mercies bold.
He is merciful to forgive
Kaitied Apr 4
Worn, ******, raw
The goad wounds, but she
Can't stop kicking
Breaking rules, hurting self
Desperate for freedom
Tired, scared, trapped
A sheep caught in wire
Boundaries meant for protection
Frightened, she fights harder
Worn, ******, raw
Barbs dig deeper
She's killing herself
If she could just hold still, submit
The Sheperd would set her free
Though thorns pierce his brow
Worn, ******, raw
The whip wounds, but He
Surrenders freely
Not me, I can't
The white flag I've spent
On a blood-soaked attempt
To bandage my own wounds
Feeble waste it was
Masked, they're still there
Worn, ******, raw
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