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tainted black Jul 11
i dreamt once to be swept away
by love like waves; set astray
feelings loose like golden sand
by every sweep of someone's hand

yet when it came---
it felt like troubled waters
chaotic but full of wonders
then I began to ponder,


love is like tidal waves,
larger than shallow tides
nothing like a little light---
but something that gives sunburned heart.
a little memory of mine as i came back from the sea.
Ant Mar 4
In all honesty, I’m scared. I’m a scared 13-year-old boy trapped inside a 23-year-old man’s body who has been stripped of all joy due to the corruptions of an overly demanding society and what could be considered an unstable mind. In all honesty I’m scared of joy.

What disruptions and changes may joy make to the apathetic lifestyle I’m so used to, yet want to rid of so badly? A broken cycle I’m stuck in yet change to something considered better is what I’m unsure of. Is it my lack of faith or the fact that it will feel like I’m climbing a mountain to adjust to this new joyous lifestyle that all so desperately seek?

Maybe I’m meant to a life of the mundane, but whose really to say besides the Lord Himself, who promises a life to the full. Yet I question this, where has joy been within my 23 years of a sorrowful life?

At the same time, I follow the Lord due to this promise, holding on with a faith that may seem blind to many, but to me my faith stems out of the beauty of suffering and the hope of what is to come from the things that are unseen to the naked eye.

An odd paradox, yet one where I hear the call to “take heart, o beloved son.”
Dark Dream May 2021
Yeah yeah I see it now
Your cold embrace
And sweat on the brow

Sure sure it might have been
The sleepless night
Full of wicked sin

Blah blah was your last line
Into a wasteland
And here’s my sign
Thinking of You Feb 2021
You make me believe in romcoms again.
You’re the one I wouldn’t run away from.
Thinking of You Mar 2021
I am sure of you because I’ve never needed perfect moments with you.
I don’t need to stand underneath a mistletoe or fireworks to kiss you.  
I don’t need a romantic evening to want you.
I don’t need a weekend of activities to enjoy   you.
I don’t need a good joke to laugh at you.
I am sure of you because of the way I feel grocery shopping with you.
I am sure of you because of the way I feel cleaning the house with you.
I am sure of you because of the way I feel disagreeing with you.
I am sure of you because of how much I love the mundane things of life with you.
"One step at a time is enough to get you there."
Nikolas Aug 2020
I cannot wait.
My lucid dreams now resemble reality as we strive to make progress,
The movement that is apparent, I have never sensed in children like us.

I may not wait.
I may just take you in the moment, if it's possible to take you dancing tonight, why wouldn't I?

I am very sure.
Time is no limit today, nor tomorrow, weeks go by yet your presence is closer, I am sure, I am here, I am there, and you come with me.

I've never been happier.
No other could change my mind or threaten me, I'm closer and always will be, we've grown up to be somebody, if one person could be two bodies.
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