For so long the Devil played the strings on my heart
I was a puppet in his hands, feeling this and feeling that
But Christ cut the strings; he replaced the hooks with a heart of flesh
Though still I feel the emotions, I go through the motions
They controlled me for so long, they pulled me along
Like a top, spinning and spinning; now free but it goes through the motions
My heart is free, but resides at pride and hate
My hands are free, and do the devil’s handiwork
My mind is free, but on Christ it does not dwell
Inertia lasts so long; then it’s done and gone
Someday it will be foregone: just hold on!
Little by little, I realize the puppet is free
The sins of my past are no longer steadfast
Spinning and dizzy still, I venture only step by step – but soon I walk freely
My heart is weak and failing, but soon all renewed
My hands are trembling, but reach to embrace the Savior
My mind forgets my sin, and clings to the old rugged cross
For so long, I fought to undo what had been done
Though I was glorified, the shadows of my stains made me tremble
As the spinning stops, so my heart; my sin is finished and I’m made like the savior
forgive me father for I have sinned
I can't repent
I am not your child
forgive me father for I don't believe
I am not pure
I do not give my body to Christ
forgive me father for I am an adulterer
I have laid with man before marriage
I did not save myself
forgive me father,
god traced her fingers down my spine
and said, “my child, you don’t believe
in much of anything these days,
why are you putting your faith
in empty bottles and 2 miligram bars?”
i scratched my nails down my arm
and said, “god, you are just another
voice i hear. how do i know
you’re not the one that tries to kill me?
how do i know that you’re not the one
who whispers about how terrible i am?”
god ran her hands through my hair
and said, “sweetie, i’m god. you have
to trust me, you have to believe
that i love you and can save you.”
i balled my hands into fists
and said, “god, i have stopped
putting my faith in forces
i hear in my ears. i can’t believe
in something that will only
let me wallow in my sickness
because it’s a trial.
my life has been a trial
and i’m going to make it end
if i hear one more goddamn
god vanished and laughed herself to sleep.
I didn't fit into
The clique at the Local Church.
I tried to get to know those people.
I tried to get them to like me,
But I never really felt accepted
For who I am.
I turned to Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll instead.
To be honest,
Most of the sex wasn't really that good,
But some of it was AMAZING.
I felt I was in HEAVEN
When I made love to CERTAIN women.
Then, to be honest,
Most of my experiences with Dope
Weren't that exciting,
But some of them were AMAZING.
I really felt as if
I was in
Direct Contact with GOD.
Much of the Rock and Roll I listened to
But some of it was just MIND BLOWING.
I was so moved by some of these performances
That I can play the tape of their Concerts in my mind
So, I decided
That Drugs, Sex and Rock and Roll
Must actually be the TRINITY
The Church was speaking of
The Father, the Son
And the Holy Ghost.
My eyes, they lie;
an awful lie they tell,
My brain trembles;
by this sinful spell.
My mind, it splits;
bipolarity and depression,
My teeth plaques;
from witty perception.
Let my sight be blinded;
by love whom existed none,
Hell awaites my hollow chasm;
my life pointed by a gun.
When Janey's mother,
Lectured Janey about the risks involved in Sex
A few hours later,
She could hear her groaning orgasmically
As she masturbated in her bedroom.
When Janey lectured Rachel
About the dangers posed by drugs,
She seemed to be listening attentively,
A few hours later.
She could smell Marijuana smoke
From underneath the space
Between her daughter's bedroom door
And the floor.
Rachel decided to use reverse psychology.
She told Janey that Religion was a bunch of Nonsense.....
The "Opium for the Masses"
As Karl Marx said.
She told her that Praying to God
Was just a waste of energy and time.
A few hours later,
Rachel heard her daughter,
Praying in her bedroom.
She didn't know what language Janey was praying in?
She didn't know what god Janey prayed to?
But, sure enough,
Janey was praying.
Rachel realized that she needed to do some Soul Searching.
What on Earth
Had made her daughter
Water to quench my thirst
Wine to soothe my mind
A book to consider truth
Another to consider a lie
To be assured or to doubt
That is why I drink the wine
The water is only a curse
Because it keeps me alive
I don’t need to be told
I’ve heard enough
My heart is involved
But is it what I want?
I cannot turn away
I hear howling music
Like wind when it is cold
And the nails that haunt
Bright and steady
Confusion masks itself
How could it be this way
The entrails of an answer
It tells of our failures
How can we be sure
Will we ever be ready
For joy instead of anger?
Only a child can be honest
They will soon learn otherwise
Only facts live in their eyes
But within us there is sin
We teach them that it is so
Because it is all that we know
Chastened we think of a promise
But innocence is not for men
Everyone's a sinner
I'm certain that is true
I am...that's a given
and I guess then...so are you
Argue if you want to
There's ten, so it's not hard
To break one on occasion
It doesn't hurt, and you're not scarred
I see bony little fingers
Twisting little tiny beads
Praying quiet for redemption
Rubbing little holy seeds
Sitting in the church pews
With rosaries in hand
Little wrinkled people
In churches all across the land
Some will pray in silence
Not a whisper will you hear
They're addicted to the motion
Of the beads they keep so near
I hope they get to heaven
If the beads help, then they win
They sit praying for redemption
From the earthly hell they're in
Some may light a candle
For a loved one they have lost
Then, they sit and ask redemption
No matter what the cost
Little wrinkled fingers
Working nimbly at the beads
They say their prayers in silence
Clutching tightly at their seeds.