I was making my way down
The highway,
Cornfields on both sides of me.
The moon shined even though
It was still day time.
The sky was a light lavender shade
That oozed into a faded blue
Twilight, you could say.
I caught a glimpse of a doe
And her baby
Walking through the endless field.
My mind wandered.
Where did they come from?
Perhaps they came from
Deep in the woods,
Where the birds sang
And the creek bubbles,
The sun seeps through the trees.
Perhaps all the animals got along,
Or maybe,
They came from an open field,
Maybe they had a family,
A buck, a herd,
Possibly even a few more fawns.
Maybe something drove them from there.
Maybe a gun,
Maybe a predator,
Maybe weather.
My mind wandered more,
Where were they going?
Were they looking for somewhere safe?
Or were they only trying to survive?
I wished I could see more of their journey.
I wanted to root them on.
Keep living!
Keep fighting!
Where ever you're off to, keep going!
Then the moment passed,
They were long out of my sight.
I hope they are still alright.
I hope they were alright.
Every morning I jump through the brush.
A thicket of knots and thorns that’s on top of my head.
Every day I pick rose petals from my garden, and I place them on each apple of my face.
Every night I take off my camouflage, and glow with a fluorescent blue light that keeps the neighbors up at night.

I am an apple on the branch of a tree that branches through canopies and canopies of leaves and leaves to find an inch of light, to get out of the darkness. An apple that blooms off the twists and turns of sticks over sticks that grow and meet through out the years, I am an apple.

I am a wonder of the world, I am a miracle that pops through the wilderness.
I am nature.
Bry 4d
Every week
I tell myself
All I have to do
Is get through this week
Behind the woods,
There lies a jungle
A jungle that maintains sanctity
It's where life exists
We were inhabitants there once
When life became too fast for us
When cultures competed for power,
We forgot to ponder
From where it all began.
You can't dance
I'm sorry
You can't throw a spear
I'm sorry
You can't be in love
I'm sorry
You can't be strong
I'm sorry
You can't widdle a twig
I'm sorry
You can't clean
Im sorry
You can't do makeup
I'm sorry
You can't ride a bike
I'm sorry
You won't find love
I'm sorry
You break everything you touch
I'm sorry
But you're a fuckin liar
How dare you make us appoligize
For the crimes of your lips
Your actions
Your thoughts
And all those inbetween
I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.
The original quote "I dont know how many times I survived myself, without telling anyone else.", which triggered the whole poem was written by @deadwatered. A talented poet I follow on tumblr.
Harry Kelly Jul 7
I saw a seagull today with a broken wing.
He was walking down Bleecker Street.
I never saw a bird move so fast on his feet.
He was really haulin’ ass.
I smiled to myself.
And I swear he looked right at me and smiled back.
It made me realize
Sometimes, you just have to make the best
out of what you’ve got.
Wayward Jul 3
There are times when you feel your heart shatter,
You'll hear it break, but it won't matter,
You'll reach a point when you can't care,
And emotions become a weakness you can't bear.

What breaks you, you'll never know.
It could be a friend or a foe.
You try and try to hold on tight,
But nothing you do turns out right.

You lie awake, night after night in bed.
You don't let anyone see the tears that you shed.
And in that one misguided moment you decide,
That your only way out is suicide.

The idea of death consumes your mind,
The thought of not hurting anymore makes you blind.
And when you finally reach a dead end,
You welcome death like an old friend.

There's nothing inspiring about this subject but I wanted to take a different approach for once. To spread negativity or to promote this isn't my objective. Its just a thought.
need a song so badly
you can't breathe?

But nothing fits.

Nothing plays back the story in your head
and makes sense of it.

Nothing mimics your racing heartbeat
in dark validation
until it slows down.
Series 5/19/18
liv grace Jul 1
the sun is shining and i think its time to let go.

the sun still shone when they told me that I was the most miserable person they’ve ever met. held how i thought about death at least 17 times a day against me, told me again and again about how many people I’ve ruined when most days I’m so anxious i can’t get out of bed… have you ever thought to wonder why some people preach so avidly about appreciating happiness as it comes? i suppose i cry better at bus stops than in front of my friends because i want people to think I’m doing well. i want to give people happiness and hope and one less thing to worry about because nobody deserves to feel the way i feel. nobody deserves to look in the mirror and feel disappointment towards the face staring back at them. i don’t want anybody to live like that with this perpetual lump in their throats this perpetual anxiety while bleaching blood stains from bathroom floors and pouring a shot for themselves afterwards. i just want to be something good.

the sun still shone while I’ve lived my whole life with my hands pressed underneath my legs to stop them from shaking, googling the price of child-sized coffins because when i die i want to commemorate the last time my mother said she was proud of me. i will never be good at writing I will just be good at injecting honesty into trivial metaphors. safety pinning my heart to my sleeve has only ever resulted in bloodshed. so here i am, bleeding again for the sake of poetry, putting laughter in place of commas and postponing the emptying of my belly until after I’ve left the stage. trust me i’m trying to be good.

the sun still shone but i think my least favourite version of myself has been the one that bathed my skin in artificial light to convince those around me that i had finally become radiant. fluorescent bulbs have only ever made my acne worse and triggered the overwhelming ache to burn off the skin I’ve been trying to crawl out of for years because i used to hurt people for no goddamn reason. i would hurt them then play the victim because i knew there was a difference between drowning and allowing yourself to sink. I’ve only ever known inhalation when submerged in the ocean. i still just want to be something good.

the sun still shone when i skipped class for 4 weeks and came back on the 5th because its never too late. i want to become something good i know someday i will be, but first i need to be me. my palms are beginning to heal from everything ive held on to for too long. i am beginning to heal. and this time when i drop the mask, it won’t end in a relapse. i think it’s time to let go. its time to let go of the past and fluorescent lights and yellow sweaters, it’s warmer now anyways and i am me.

i am me in all of my sadness and illness and rage. i am me through every attempt I’ve taken at opening my veins to the sky, through every absolution I’ve granted unto people that called me a monster. i am me in my ugliness and unevenness and headassery i am me in all of my beauty and resilience and survival, kissing my past good bye with red lipstick because despite everything the sun has always shone and will always shine. in becoming myself, i am becoming something good.

i’m done hiding my face behind ripped notebook pages and the sun still shines. the sun is shining now and for the first time in 17 years i am beginning to feel it.
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