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smc 1d
what is the best remedy for a rose-colored view?
i dream not to be perfect.
start    
to  
transform  
?  
but get caught
in between aging and alive

- smc [2015 may 27] -
this is survival. i can't seem to hold on to Life.
She dominated and lied to me of course back then
Bringing our ten years of marriage to it's unequal end
And on Valentine's when I remember happier Loves
I remember too how **** it is when push comes to shove

I know it's not all a game of Monopoly
That in Love there's not always a Get Out Of Jail Card Free
But it's no fun either walking those streets and avenues
Without someone beside you being the Top Hat to your Shoe

Mind you I notice the changes to the pieces now
And can't help but think back to the disagreements and rows
I might have stood up for myself a little more often
If I'd been the T-Rex to her Rubber Ducky token.
A poem prompted by many things - Memories of unequal divorce settlements, and changes to the Monopoly pieces, to name but two.
"It's so cold, do you think it's snowing ?!"
Your lips don't move... I cannot bear
Your ears are deaf,  my voice is chocking
I speak to you and you don't  hear

Behind, you leave just husks and stalks
You stay the same, don’t want the talks
It burns and digs straight through my cheeks,
For once again I shed  hot tears.

Restless fingers taps on windows,
The blizzard  dances you away
I lost my voice, can't call you near me
And can't hold you from your way


The Frost outside,to keep me worthy
Pins both my hands with an icicle
A lesson is learned that's noteworthy
To beckon you, it's not ethical


Our fireplace crackles finalized
And outside a child is crying
You look at him, and you're surprised,
For all is white, and you see that’s snowing!

To think how your heart just gleamed
So warm, serene, near you, it seemed
And just like that,out of the blue,
You built reinforcements 'round you


I might just be alright, who knows?
Outside is cold, and look, it snows!
I don't want to hear your sighs,
And that child has stopped his cries.


I wonder what the world has wronged,
Why there are  encarcerated loves
Don’t worry about me, don't need your cheers
Now I have just frozen tears.

                              C.J.
Through everything she’s been through, I still love her.
She’s seen ****.
She has endured violation of her body.
Came out of war with scars.
I still love her.

She had fought through a battle of immense depression.
Withstanded the whips of oppression.
She rose through the whole fight.
To become a queen in her own right.

Her personal battles inspire me.
Because she’s tougher than me.
They inspire me to be better for her.
For I could’ve lost my love at any moment.
Her survival makes her more beautiful to me.

I don’t love her less because of what happened.
My heart aches for her pain.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time?
She has.

And I still love you.
Whenever you rise from your pain, I rise from mine.
Through everything, I loved you.
And I will still love you.
Chris Jan 29
Repeat, repeat, repeat, the river flows,
following the beat.
The drum, the drum the flesh of life,
The skin over it breath of light,
Repeat, repeat, repeat, the river flows still,
following the beat.
The crash the bass the rhythm calls,
It's beating still withing the walls.
Retreat, retreat , retreat, the river dries,
when you're beneath.
The gun, the sword the gleam of knife,
They call and yearn for beat of life.
Go down go down go down, the river flows over,
The child will drown.
The face the smell the pain of want,
The world comes close and comes undone
The heart will beat, bleed drop for drop,
The heart will die, the river stop.
Jessica Jan 24
seconds after it happens you will feel nothing; a numbness that somehow hurts more than anything. it will start in your chest, as a grey mist clenches your groaning heart and surrounds your lungs; like a life jacket it will keep you from drowning, while forcing your head underwater until you can no longer bear it. letting you up to breathe for a split second, then pushing you back under. torture. your thoughts will stop dead. your mind will tell you that the world is wrong, your heart will insist that you are not broken…
they are both lying.


years after it happens you will remember the pain, the scars will still paint your skin, but they will no longer sear through you, raised and angry; instead they will be relics of an old memory. in life, you will hurt, but you will carry on. and that, my dear,
is how you will survive
Claudia Jan 23
Your life has been hard,
It has
And you're not even seventeen yet

You've just learned to wear your hair in a ponytail,
Even though it doesn't cover your face as well

Now everyone can see that face,
That tiny little forehead,
And those eyes that aren't quite green or gray or blue,
But full of hope

Hope,
That is the color of your eyes

When you look in the mirror and hate yourself to pieces

When you wanted to grab a pair of scissors and cut off those beautiful belly rolls

And when you wanted to carve out a new shape for your nose

Ther's still hope,
In your eyes

Because that is what your made of,
and it shines through

Every time you've been broken down
Countless times

Every day on your way to school
Stepping through the gates of **** on earth

When they called you names
The sticks and stones
Staring at you in the corridor

When you got through your ninth year

When you saw your grandmother and all the safety she was die,
For the third time

When you realized that this time she wasn't coming back

When you told your dad you hated him,
And every time you realize you still do

When they crushed you
There was still hope left in you, if only the smallest grain

You always believed there would be a better day,

Even when you sunk the blade of a pocket knife into your own skin,
And you could barely see through the tears in your eyes,
And you mom cried,
And she held you,
And you said "No, you'll gett blood all over yourself"
And she screamed a little,
And there and then, at fourteen years old you thought that this,
This is rock bottom

You knew the only way out was through,
You knew

And that's why you made it,

Because no matter how sure you were that you'd given up you never really had.

That's why you,
Eleven years old,
You didn't jump ,
You didn't

No matter how hard you believed in the freedom of bones cracking,
In just a second
Floating away,

You never managed to convince yourself it would be worth it,
Because what if the sun will rise tomorrow and you will be okay?

Maybe that won't happen for another week or ten or twenty years
But it still wouldn't be wort it,

Because WHAT IF

You don't want to miss out,
You don't want to be the jinx,
Miss your whole life just because you got tired so you left early,

So instead you flew
Because you knew
You' pull trough

And you did
You bright bright ray of light
You brilliant star
Even though you are covered in scars

And that's okay,
It's okay

Now look in the mirror,
Look me in the eye,
And say after me

                            
                                ­It's okay
            
                                 You did it



                           It's over now
I hope someday someone lost will read what I have to say,
What I have felt,
What I went through,
So that they don't have to feel so alone

I want to be the reason someone smiles when they have no reason too
To be the hope someone has when they wake up.  

I don't want to make a huge difference
I just hope some people will remember me.
What I think the meaning of my life is for.
I died today, a little
tomorrow I'll die some more
understanding naught the fiddle
not rich but scared, and poor

Hand me down my walking stick
as I'll go out the door
all the pity sure and quick
just what my tears, are for

Guilt forever at my side
a comrade in fate and arms
to whom everything confide
setting off each and all, alarms

Bit by bit we'll call the role
counting the toll of friends
no way or how to fill the hole
and no way to make
amends
Just a respite
before the grave
a rest before the night
trying my best above, beyond
attempting too
be brave
;)
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