Why are you afraid? Afraid of letting the world have your taste!
Zipped! Living in a bubble. No acquaintance with the world!
When did you lose the curiosity? It makes you alive

Your veil of ignorance makes you think they are monsters out to get to you
Look deep! Look deep!
The world is you & you are the world
It's a mirror reflecting back what's inside of you

Bring clarity! Bring clarity!
And tear away that veil
Look within, then look away
You may find yourself in a different being!

I remember daydreaming so much in middle school because I was afraid to make new friends. I wrote letters to this turquoise eyed beautiful girl sitting right next to me because I was in love with her.
Everyone thought we were dating so they called me Brandi the lesbian in the rumors.
Then in the eighth grade my best friend Kalie made me slow dance with who would be my first boyfriend to defend my honor to the public. The popular kids love him and I being together. I knew it wouldn't last long because he spoke of science and I spoke of faith. He and I would get into fights all of the time. I broke up with him during Christmas break.
Kalie died while I just started high school. I thought I had no one who would understand me ever again. Then I met the Girl with Green Eyes I fell for her as I did Kalie. The Girl with Green Eyes and I made up as best friends I wrote all that out of anger because I adjusting to my meds.
Then my ex-girlfriend I made up as girlfriends again with no one watching us as they did in SGA. I know what she did to me in the past was messed up but I love her despite her many flaws. I know she is vocal in many aspects but she is the political strength of our relationship. We are going to start slow because I am healing from all ******* that went down last year well the past 4 years. I am the emotional support, the strong friend, the nerd, the ******, the sensitive and the limitless heart. I plan being a therapist one day but after I get my Associates in the Arts. I plan writing music, singing and becoming a local artist for now. I will continue my poetry and work on self editing my novel.

hell, i'm doing so well
getting sleep
eating vegetables
running on the treadmill
finishing my homework
staying off my phone

so why do i feel kind of numb?
why do i dream of nothing and
why does this food have no taste and
why can't i catch my breath and
why haven't i talked to my friends in days and
why do i want someone to punch me

i feel so sick
energy drinks every morning
throwing up every night
looking at my figure in the mirror
blisters on my hands
words caught in my throat

You see me now don't you?
You see a girl who's struggling harder than ever
But you also see a girl who's the strongest she's ever been
You see a girl who has worked on herself
And is still working
Getting rid of bad habits
And replacing them with new, better ones
A girl who can set boundaries
A girl who can say no
A girl who may be struggling with death
But is still choosing to fight her hardest to stay
You didn't think I could change
But here I am
The girl of your dreams slowly emerging
Flawed, but willing to invest in herself
It's amazing isn't it?
How you never thought I could change
But here I am blowing your mind

It’s where I want to be,
That place I cannot reach.
And if I dare to look ahead,
it will taunt me, Warn me.
Go back a step instead!

“I’ll never get there!”
My vision starts to blur.
Reaching out with fuzzy hands,
To hold something steadier than my nerve.

But dense is the air and the fear, that wears me like a cloak.
They picked me up like this, they saw that I had broke.
How to step forward, when these shoulders are my home?
Looking back is easier, if you kid yourself you’ve grown.

often i am plagued with sudden perspective shifts into realisations of my poor behaviour
in this change I drearily daydream of a sudden departure from all those who surround me
off on a personal journey of self betterment
a transformation into a far more admirable human
far and away from the impulsivity and naïvete of my current existence
for i have always felt subtle change shocks none.

how precisely this metamorphosis occurs I haven't yet learnt
yet the final goalpost is clear
I return to collective awe from my friends
the weight of my poor eating habits gone
the doubt that choked me replaced with confidence and self assurance
and a burning heart ready to set the world on fire with its unapologetic love.

but as I rub my eyes and awaken from this vision
comes the bleak fact of where I am.
the starting point I always have knelt at, ready to bolt out of the gates
sans the knowledge of how to arrive at the end
perhaps this time I'll shed my gung-** nature first
and i will choose to carefully walk to my destination.