A favorite color, too bright for my eyes,  a
  favorite food.

A fruit left longing for a rhythm
   a rhyme.

Sit down and ***** with rinds under nails
  smelly.

Citrus acid and sweet juicyness drips down
   my hands.

You, I,
      polymorphously perverse
           your hand covers my mouth
                   voices adverse
            Liberation, but in reverse.
Submit and admit...
                    Or
               disposed to oppose...
I want to beg, plead,
      submerse and disburse
               I burst in silence for my cursed thirst
             first, be more covert,
        I'd prefer if we
                  don't
                                       converse
I'll sing you your pleasure without
            a
                 single
                          verse.

The pad of my thumb sits on your face
It fits in that place
where your brow and cheek bone meet.
Your mouth submits to the taste of my skin
It gets my attention.
Those thin lips harbor a chase to cure
The abstention you know I endure
Until I retire the entire set of rules
I've laid out, wether weeks or months,
In this case, hours, your goal will be completed.
Because defeated isn't in your vocabulary
I'd even consider it rarely.
You win.
Which is a win-win.

A year has passed since I crashed my motorcycle.
The road rash had since been cast away.
The fast paced life was smashed together.
A singular bash that cached my memory.
Lights flash and whiplash has new meaning.
This thrash blinked my eyelash three days later.
Dreary forecast laid flabbergasted.

My creativity has created this creation.
The outcome of my creation reflects only to the Creator.
The inner Narrator narrates a repetitive monologue.
Believe me, I've seen the films, and I've read that ******* blog.
Long logging of nights.
Internal.
External.
Fights.
Anger lasts.
I employed that past to take power away from fear.
Aware now of being here.
Consciousness.
Humbleness.
This doesn't come from admission.
Remission of a previous mission.
My dispositions constriction from speaking up.
**** that.
That cup.
That rig.
Spoon.
***.
Drug.
Love is what I need.
Love is what I give.
Creating only a creation to love to live.

My pretty friend, the definition,
...a Chopin-esque romantic, needing intervention
frantically resilient, a mere honorable mention
...burning for forgiveness with hypertension
Craving your redemption.

In the secret section you mention
...there's tension in your confession
another missed connection
...misled by another's deception
the impression on the connection
...a misconception on another selection
rejection is a whole new obsession
...this seventh dimension perception
the impression is to employ prevention.

Because Attention Attention!!
...need I not mention
there's no landing affections
...just internal tension
my infection is your retention
...misappropriation.
......misapprehension.

the dreaded end. you can't even stand to be my friend.
remember our first "date"? you in bed early, yet I stayed late.
your friends adored me. you were too drunk to remember me.
have you a clue why you were naked in my sight
on our so romantic first night?
it wasn't because I am just that ******* hot.....
it's because your bladder could hold not.
and our last date? and every one inside our state...........
your friends compared my coolness to being greater than yours
and now all of my madness and passion just gets ignored.

You must not like someone being better than you.
Loving more than you.

You piece of worthless ****
Hitting and motorcyclist a running away
Today and every hereafter, altered
Not my faltered driving
But your careless careening
Not screening the front of your bumper
That thump heard around my brains
Left to die
*******.
**** your existence.
**** your abandonment.
**** and positive luck that may EVER cross YOUR path...
The way you took my path away.

There's a spiders web
Of words I've said
Entangled in the calendar of time
A lovers rhyme of feelings

In minutes or moments or moves
I fell in love with you
A game of chess
Just to feel your breath upon me

I'd wish to call anyone
That singular one
The fable of teachings
Says we're reaching for something impossible

To not feel love across lanes
Indeed, sounds insane
We are wide, we are vast
We are fast to feel full at last.

physically I have no symmetry
and it doesn’t even bother me
my physical state is electrical
and internally I am symmetrical

a love so big it's my counterpart
symmetrically matching my flesh parts
an existence created as a work of art
able to outsmart any black heart

understanding this duality
is the best of you loving the best of me
and I believe you will get there eventually
to your own symmetrical mentality

Faced with disapproving faces
Glazed gazes dazed hazing my faces
Fascinated by my inappropriate places
Amassed masses ****** and passed by me
Watching the voices; noises, you'll avoid
Our inside turmoil recoil and reclaim
Property that wasn't properly yours...
to claim
Sprinkle a double dandy shot of disdain
Hand and hang myself in your vision.

Preoccupation with making something permanent
A feeling of expectation
incorporation of a certain situation
or habitation into life, for good
It makes me freak out.
Desire,
for a certain thing to happen
fear of that something actually happening
Or that it's something that might be permanent.
Worry,
the attempt to find certainty
the desire to control things.
Control you, controlling me
I'm afraid you'll find my black
It will come back again.
It's like an arc weld done incorrectly
Eventually it will start to bleed
And fall apart.
But I dreamt about welding and you welding me
into something permanent
something desirable
something non-penetrable.
You had me molded against the truck and...
I don't know who you are, but you put your fire in me
So deeply it burns.
A fire that firefighters can't dissolve
Doctors can't resolve.
You're in me,
and I love you.

My hand held out...
...to guard your back
When your friendships lacked
...to give money or supplies
When you couldn't survive
...to hold your hand
When you needed support
...to give you a hug
When you needed love
...to high five yours
At all of your endeavors
...to pat on your back
When you succeeded this or that
...to throw a thumbs-up
Because you never gave up

My hand held out...
...to cover my eyes
Through all of the lies
...to hide evidence
When you lacked common sense
...to understand the unreal
Amounts of items you'd steal
...to my chin to stipulate
The way you'd manipulate
...to cover my heart and divert
From your stories that hurt.

I could do this when I had two hands.
I could juggle these separate demands.
My dominant hand is limp now.
The tasks I take on are now simple.
I can only do one thing at a time.
Like, write out this single line rhyme.

When you see my hand out...
...from utter desperation
Please don't tabulate your accommodation
...remember I never asked before my disability
That you had previously admired my stability
...homeless, ***** and hungry
Offer to help me, without charging money
...keep in mind, it's the only one I have
My abilities and tasks all need to be halves
...perhaps don't act put-out or surprised
Because the person who's asking is paralyzed.

When I  have a Friday night...
When I have $57 to last me until late July...
When I have holes or stains in all my clothes... When I am more a burden, than not...
When I have a smile even though I'm lonely...
When I have lost my friends because I'm not convenient…
When I work myself sick for a $2 trip...
When I finally can't possibly give even just one more hand...

Trying to forget, but it always comes back. Like ****** on a stressful day. Like El Diablo when I take those fancy colored tabs. Pull back, Push in. Pass it to me. Pass me on. Pass out.
Time to remember.
Psychopathic symbols, symbolic static, stares, start seeing....
Something?
Happy Birthday to me.

I can feel your heart beat under my palm
my mind finally goes calm
while you fall asleep
under my wings
things that were previously done
don't need to be spoken of
I can almost taste that skin of yours
so fair
I can smell the coconut air
I can choke on your hair in the night
and I'd be alright with this
I could take it around my fist just the same
play a game
or just lay here and sing your name.
Wrestling the invisible line that separates our flesh
wanting more but nothing less
I couldn't wait for that moment when it came
you
me
a fluid wreck
a liquid so sweet
don't say thank you
nor apologize
I'm so amazed, lover, to be with you
to be alive.

I have a heart full of cement
Solid... Permanent
I've sang your lament over and over again
But every song has the same intent
Like something permanent.
I regret not having a patent on your scent,
Or the way your teeth are bent or broken.
Like at some point a decent person
        Had a cruel accident
                 But, against your jaw
..........A fists descent...
...To punish you..........
And forever augment that one percent of you.
I don't know the intent of the event
But, I do know you underwent some hell
To get to me, in our present
But, that doesn't matter my gent
My denouement is becoming distant
         ...you are here...
                      And there you went.
But, our two souls are water and powder
We create cement...
**Permanent

I was in a six car collision
there was an executive decision made
to execute an evacuation of a body done with precision
by helicopter excision to division this family
and make a permanent revision to the vision held.

It's probable my daddy was being taken to a hospital
but he could have been going on a popsicle ride
to a proverbial icicle ride in the sky for that's all I knew of flying
volatile tears that never healed unstoppable fears.

Ten years miserably passed before..."At last!"
Four eyes dizzely cast into blue and brown,
and four, no, six legs on the ground.
Wistfully down a park laid sidewalk, we walked
to meet one another, blissfully.

We walked inside the dried canal, a river of the desert.
It hurts that we go there, no more, to flirt
with the dirt and our companion... infinity.
Is it you with me as I find kin company
in the molecules of divinity?

Repeatedly, I go searching the vicinity and nearby
For anything with similarity that I can call you by.
Any tree, light, shadow or star in the proximity
of where we met that belonged to you and me.
Or a feeling of solidarity that I cannot see.

Son, don't let me now survive ten years expeditiously.
Destructively alive, left with the intangiblity of life
that we left at that decision tree at 5:45.
Repetitiously I continue to apologize,
but apologies won't bring you back to life.

Happy place of mine - where are you tonight?
I need someone right now to hold me tight.

Walk away, walk away.
They don't give a **** for you, they never do.

Happy place of mine - where are you?

A year and a half has passed since I crashed my motorcycle.
The broken bones and road rash had since been cast away.
The gassed up tank and fast paced life were smashed together.
A singular bash that cached my memory.
Lights flashed and all of the sudden whiplash has new meaning.
This thrash of two autos blinked my eyelash three days later.
Paralytic forecast.
I lay flabbergast.

When He's here.
When I have night terrors, he's next to me.
When I laugh, he smiles with me.
When I get stressed, he distracts me.
When I'm working, he follows me.
When I cry, he kisses my tears.
When I wander, he's always at my side.
When I became paralyzed, he became more alert.
When I need a hug, he accepts my one armed hug.

Did I leave all of those women
a sacrifice
should I believe all of the judgement
paralyzed
the lies in all of the eyes I've slid by
embraceable
the saliva I've slid across the skin of too many women
overflow
losing myself in flesh just to be able to bear with...
life

I've helped you help me process my addiction
your conviction to your faith
or lack
my conviction with the law
the smack
the tall walls fall around
I have found myself on many grounds
your voice rang no sound
all the evil within
cut away without forsaking your skin
sin in complex ****** addiction
in addition additional additions conveyed
swept away
easy
not ******
saves my day
I speak with nothing in the way
convey my wish for more has been gone or delayed
relayed admissions of guilt
of the many tables I have tilted
still I have my bouts
doubts
God?
Can you help this ******* out?
hurdling hurdles under me feet
can He feel this beat?
Stumbling upon piles and lost at the four way
...street...
un-ended
my God is not offended.

Me and my broken hands run across your broken face
You're leaving me a memory of just your trace
Your words spell out my name, and nothing, the same.
I say, "It's OK".
Today can be a new day.
I'm not supposed to mind that it's not "our time".
But I want everything I want.
And I didn't want you to leave me that way.
Please understand what I say
when I sing to you...
when I sing to you......
           without words.
Me and my broken hands run across the broken ground
I'm looking for the angel that I once found.
Stars spell out my name, and nothing, the same.
I say, "It's OK".
'Cuz today can be a new day.
I'm not supposed to mind that it's not our time.
But I want everything I want.
I didn't want you to leave me this way.
Please...
Please......
Understand what I say.
When I sing to you...
When I sing to you.......
            without words.


https://soundcloud.com/spsara/broken

Across my eyes
                Black, sometimes red
    Through the phone lines
          Empty, words unsaid
          Powdered on glass aligned
    Exciting I find
                Into my home
Provide.

When I had two arms, I had ***.
When I had money, I had friends.
When I had two arms, I got invited out.
When I gave a performance, I had fans.
When I had two arms, I had careers.
When I had drugs, I had power.
When I had two arms, I could use a computer.
When I had something to steal, I had company.
When I had two arms, I got flirted with.
When I give free rides, I have passengers.
When I had two arms, men and women wanted to date me.
When I had fancy things, I was impressive.
When I had two arms, I had friends.

Re: Your Availability
Is it this yours or mine? Only time will define the kind of charm that you chime when you're dropping your line in my ears

I will find.

The barrier of poison and ****
                    You're better than us
                   A metal chassis of rust
                                           Anonymous.
This and that and jist and just
                     An abyss full of fuss
                                   No love or lust
                                            Anonymous.
Cease to speak or discuss
                    A might or a must
                         The empty pie crust
                                             Anonymous.
Preference to throw or ******
                       Detest and disgust
                         To cry or get crushed
                                             Anonymous.

That slice of encapsulated salty fluid held tightly between windows lined with 4 millimeter long hairs
Suffice to say there are millions of colors that could bleed from that football shaped crevice
Even though it is the same sac of fluid I gaze towards on so many different occasions....
It's as if they tell a completely different story no matter how often I peer towards them.

I told her I'd be there for her. I told her don't drink for me. I told her I would help her, if be there for anything she needs.

Here I am away from her. Ignoring her. Oh selfish me. I'm just as bad as her disease. Full of empty promises. Empty energy.

Actions speak the loudest.

She's ******* screaming.

My ears bleed.

I find myself in love with you
   You have known it all along, as well
We spent many naked hours together
As you taught me to be confident
   Secure, in who I am, in what I do
In who I am with you and what I do to you.

Having dreams of our sexuality, whatever that is
Having dreams of desire
  desire for the married, it's no "sin"
Sin is just another three letters man has defined
Defined with a meaning so great it's punishable
Punishable by even death to some
    And "die" is just another three letters
Another three we let determine eternity
Why, oh why, do we let the smallest words have the most and longest outcome?

What have we done except create roadblocks
Barriers from our own freedoms
Like all the state lines I'd have to cross
   To get to you
To not be here, to not die alone.

There's a three that is quite the opposite
   You.         Her.          Me.
I've never felt something so welcome
Something so perfect
Why it couldn't be, well, that's on me.

But I need you again, Magic Healer
Show me again how to be your lover
  To love myself, again, too
Love myself inside you...... Us....
Us Three.

My freedom of expression,
Or, freedom to exist...
I've had to suppress, any implication,
That I was free, IT was free,
Or that I could rest.
My obligations became innovations,
My "freedom" was a serious test.

Shut my mouth.
Silence my thought.
Burn holes in my own sky...
To survive,
Just to... Get by.

There's no blood on the hand
of the devil begging for a gun...
But, the blood of my son,
My thoughts, my thighs,
My sun, my sky...
I'm paralyzed.
I idealized and fantasised
...a metaphor...
Something in-between dead and alive.

But this is literal.

Cry freedom for a body that fails.
An existing breath that bent steel.
Locked in the prison with 10 wardens.
Slave to a super power.
And I'm furious you sent me a bill.
I ate your currency.
I'm... Fed... Up.

Your devil is free to stare,
poke fun and share
...the misery...
...my suffering...
I'm paralyzed.

This is literal.

Become the answer.
Remove the why.... I mean, "y".

The nation is yours.

Get it?
Think. Feel. Live. Love.
It's up to us, the little guys.
The thousandaires, or hundredaires...
****, even the dollaraires.

We ARE America.
I AM America.
I am love.

Ten days ago we held hands
we walked through the desert sands and landed
I wrote you a song, more than candid, it rang
as the day long, I sang, in your head over and over
Seventy two times you heard your lover-song.
Nine days ago you couldn't wait to embrace
the thoughts that flushed your face while my whispers sang
As you pushed through your work day
waiting to be enchanted by your lover
over counters, under covers, atop a car or in the bar
wherever it could be that my hands tickled your skin
outside and within all you wanted was for those words to be real
off the paper and off my lips to feel my words by way of passion.

Then the irrational hits started tipping the ship
that was waiting at the end of the desert.
Eight and seven days ago we held hands
as the ***** sands blew through our air
I tended your illness and kissed your despair waiting for the tide to fall
through it all we walked to the end of the deserts edge.
Holding hands I saw the upcoming ledge and worried under the sun
reminding myself of your promise to not run.
Six days ago we held hands and when my foot slipped
my heart ripped
I tripped and told you I was to fall.

Five days ago I was let to fall with no hand holding mine at all.

I sang to you, my son, until I ran out of breath
And sang to you again as I gave you to death.
I've been stuck in house arrest
Because I've given you to death.
I declare my degree in your grief
But I sing to you...
"I-I-I have never lo-o-oved someone,
the wa-ay I love you-u-u"

A lament for your bending brain descent
With energy so pure, unsure and in the moment
With disorient movement on legs bent
Or were they wings?
It was hard to tell on the descent.

Yet, something eternal was created
At your birth and at your death
Your heart was too big for your chest
We wept together over it,
Over your death,
As there was no preparation for the separation
Your rotation of cognation
Gives formation to an ideation if...
You... You ever were
Or I... I ever was?

Disposessed words in the world we'd imagined
Obtained and ingrained love in our intestines
Our black will eventually turn to grey
The grey will one day go away
Just as blood dries and becomes sparks
It parks inside eyes to become stars
And the love we lasted long enough to receive
Becomes songs in energy I sing
From my throat
From my hand to your coat, I bathe you
I soak you with my love... a baptismal
     ... like never before and ...
As you drown under, you wonder
If you... You ever were
Or I... I ever was.

When one wakes
and takes on more exhaustion
than before they've slept...

When one shakes
and the stakes doubled in depression
than before they've wept...

When the moon hides
in fear it cannot any longer please
the eyes of illusion and beauty...

When soon the falling tides
crash down, go and slam, stronger, to tease
the lies of disillusion of your cutie...

When everything crushes your skull
bones like a ghost disappear in tears
with arms lain out holding on tight...

You'll realize nothing exists in full
alone with an empty host laying in fear
and those arms are holding nothing...

every...

night.

Running inside, closing down and shutting off
It might be easy for some
It's torture to me... I torture myself.
No one cares when I disappear
No one notices
My phone doesn't ring.
Maybe I miss Facebook events
Some of which included a family death
And still, my phone didn't ring.
No one knocks on my door
No questions are asked of what's going on
With me,
in me.
When I announce my retraction
They slightly caring folks will await
A Facebook update
They don't call.
The whole world goes on
while I'm trying to not post my depression
for the five friends that care.
Although the care only reaches as far as
waiting for my facebook post
telling them I'm "ok"
      But
            I'm
                  Not

It was always a joke, phrase or idiom
It wasn't an analysis of what we did to them
The paralysis which was led by God or men
Who left a woman with a life condemned
And "he" is not found, but here I am.

I lost my arm to a waterfall
Fostered harm by something beautiful
A hand and forearm unmade musical
Water on land intersects not once, several
A band of storms lay down by that Neanderthal.

Waters splash like cymbals crash
Like whiplash from 3 cars smashed
Like fast paced life becoming past
Like a harassed female, never asked
And at long last... I'm unembarrassed.

Soft as water came, it became a hurricane
Pain blows through my veins and brain
I sound insane as I strain to explain
Doctors abstain and became inhumane
Riding the insane a-train to remain...
...a soft stream of water.

Take a number, please. Don't cut in line.
We've got plenty of time, to pay, for our crimes.
Our dues are owed. To the "man" we sold to, and, yea;
we've got plenty of time to pay for our crimes.
You had better stand right here next to me, and;
don't let me know where we are.
I just want to know how far I have gone
Then take me home.
Leave me alone.
I don't want to go.
I don't want to know.
Anything.
Anything at all.
I don't want to be here, running away.
I don't even know your ******* name.
I don't want to go home, just make it all go away.
I don't want to be here, just want to run away.
I'm so sorry.
Please, go away.
just go away.......
I'm so sorry and go away.

Floating through my friends body.
Say you need me.
Come inside, my angry friend.
Say you love me.
Sit beside me and remind me why we are here.
You.
Are you here for anything I can help you with-
  are you here because I let you in-
      because there is no where else to go-
          for some unreachable goal-
              who are you now-
                   -then-
Guitar strings strummed - slammed.
No sound, just strings. Playing hard. Pressing chords. muted.
Pick that note. Dropping it is just as easy.
   Easy is like a *****-
      giving, taking, faking, *******, freeing, fleeing-
          baby girl, you've been down before-
              down on your knees
                   -deep-
Throat is sore.

I don't kiss and tell
But you breath and I smell
She fell for an easy spell
The sun came, and ship sailed.

When she's here…
I crave motherly affection
I get discerning dissection
I see my pale complexion
I ignite her shopping obsession
I'm forced to give my attention
I explore every confession
I ignore every correction
I lose my own direction

I painted the pollution in the sky with my own blood
I was proud
So I sat below it, as it dripped back down
Puddle by puddle
I can see what it was that pain passed on
The pollution of my own wreckage
Thick, it choked my breath
I stress over my own twisted toxins
Carrying the weight of me
On my back

Back home.

Look...
The day will come where it takes a mortician
to show you there are worse things than your depression.
Death and/or dismemberment.
It's not just a falsified insurance claim.
The day you fell to your knees and wept over the great pacific ocean
In the city of angels you were humbled by its majestic potion.
A message in a bottle sent.
Or it was swept carelessly away in the rain.
The day you spoke about your loneliness sitting in an upright-coffin-confession.
Adjacent to the man who ***** children to make himself feel... more... man.
Literally, I meant.
Did that yet distract your pain?
The day you cried to the doctor about your back and lack of motion.
She had just finished up hospice for her cancer-ridden husband over the phone.
Off to die, he was sent.
But, oh, that little tiny pain.
The day you complained to your flat-mate about your job being so mundane.
As she opened the letter from her employer who fired her, after ****** her, to avoid the human resource claim.
You were hell-bent.
As she went insane.
The day you cried to your best friend about your second wedding being destroyed by the rain.
He was a man who had never felt the embrace of love, the ability to cherish, the passion and pain of a woman, he had paralyzed legs, no woman had ever loved him.
Booooooo-hoo your costume got wet.
You've never even tried to see anothers suffering.

Years we spent, speaking in silence
    Wth the most of feelings, you changed me
We spoke in feelings
        A currency not used enough.

Your feelings are energy
    And I am your energy, too
We are enough to power the galaxy
        Maybe that's exactly what we do.

We powered through the struggles before us
    Lighting up every dark day
With a simple exchange of feelings... Energy...
         The current that is you and I.

You were a tidal wave the flushed my skin
    A bolt of lightening that burned away pain
You were red wine that turned my pale cheeks
         And everything became flushed with power.

You've now become that energy
    Pure and devine and heavenly
In a land I cannot walk through
         But a current with me,
            through all my days.

Rain, so fine just like dust
looking at sky, purple,
over-the-top roller coasters
Peaking at 92 mph
dodging the yellow
More than numbers, I passed
Cardboard windshield for glass
Clarity, it comes and goes
I need to slow down
Even when I'm
Not going
Fast enough.