Today mama am signing off
In this suite and am ever gorgeous
Am emotional that I made you proud and ever pompous
You raised me with value and to never show off
But rather to strive and always grow up
I wish father was here to gaze at his face ever joyous
I am through but yet I  forever move forth
I love you mama though I've never spoke thus

You weren't there in the hospital room,
on the day my life began,
you even missed the very first time
I crawled, or walked, or ran.

You never got the chance to help, when I cried my childhood
tears,
you never saw me growing up, and you missed my teenage years.

On the very day you came along, I knew my life was changed,
from the moment that you married my mom, my world was rearranged.

You welcomed me with open arms, and I knew your love was real,
because it was never just words that you said, it was a love that I could feel.

You WERE there in the hospital room,
when my daughter's life began,
you watched her grow and helped us both, as she
crawled, and walked, and ran.

You gladly took the important role, of "Papa" in my kids life,
you've always shown your support and your love,
when our world held turmoil and strife.

You've seen me through the hard times
with your wisdom, advice, and love,
and I know without a shadow of doubt, you were sent from God above.

I know you missed my early days, but you're the father I never had,
I love you more than words can express,
you're my hero, my friend, my dad.

I’m grateful for the
calm winds of stoicism
exhaling from you.

Dear Daughter can you hear me?
Dear Daughter can you hear me ?
I just wanted to say i love you
Dear Daughter I miss you
Dear Daughter I'm proud of you
I was proud when you were born
I was proud when you took your fist steps
I was proud when you spoke your first word
I was proud when you took your first steps
I was proud when you finished school
I was proud when you made me a grandfather
I wish I could be there in person when you get married
Dear Daughter I wish I was there
I see you struggling
I hear  you crying
I see you crying
I see you smiling
Dear Daughter can you hear me?
Dear Daughter  can you see me
Dear Daughter I'm always with you
Dear Daddy yes I can

they say i have nothing to be sad for
but they don’t know everything
zero knowledge about my grief or,
the fact that my heart’s always breaking

they don’t see all the things i missed out on
the way i yearn for my father to have been alive
throughout every single moment that haunts,
every birthday after ten that i’ve had to survive

they don’t see the glistening in my eyes
when it says “Dad” on the phone call
and i watch from the sidelines
wondering what it feels like as my heart falls

& i don’t think i will ever heal
from that kind of aching
i will forever have to deal
with the way it will always be hurting.

It's HIS birthday today
THE MAN who ruiend me
he was meant to be my DADDY
Not my abuser
Why did GOD
Have to create him....

When I was five
I watched my father drink  
until his cheeks were rosy pink
but I didn’t think anything of  
it as he playfully chased me on my bike
on a warm August evening.  
The lower the sun sank into the earth,
the more Budweiser cans would open  
and my mother would turn a blind eye
so I couldn’t tell how tired and solemn she looked
until I was sixteen and I noticed they didn’t talk anymore.
My father couldn’t look at me when he asked how my day was,
pouring another can of beer into a glass
and the foam poured over the rim  
just like my anger and pure resentment
for the man who used to make me laugh until I cried
and now the tears soon flowed for different reasons. .  
My parent’s relationship crumbled as did my heart  
as I watched my father’s alcohol intake increase  
and the love I thought he had for me vanish.  


“Remember when you cried when I got my driver’s license?”
I was ignored as he swirled beer around in his glass.  
“Do you still care? Don’t blame this on me.”
A simple text he sent
to his own daughter  
“I never want to see you again.”
Deep in the core of my being resided a hatred  
for a sorry human being who dared to call himself a man
once his true feelings revealed themselves.  
Soon I was twenty five and I found myself still wondering
why I was blamed for his own disease  
and I realized I could be as boiling angry, hurt, and confused  
and clench my fists until they burned just hearing his name
it just wouldn’t change anything.  
He has become a floating memory creeping
deeper and deeper  
in the back of my mind  
drowning in liquor until he completely fades.

I started drinking on the weekends,
Like you always used to do,
I wonder if I'll drink in the morning,
On Tuesdays and Thursdays too,
I started lying to my partner,
When I go out late at night,
I never own up to my actions,
I'm not afraid to start a fight,
I started missing all your birthday's,
I didn't call you back the other day,
I wanted to tell you I love you,
But I would only be in the way,
Just like you always said to me,
"To be alone wouldn't be so bad"
I'll just keep letting you down,
And be exactly like you, Dad.

Today
I will pretend
it's any other day.
Today
I will try not
to cry out your name.
Today
I will try to not
to let it hurt so bad.
Today
was never meant
to be so sad.

Dad you taught me the biggest lesson of life

Never marry anyone like you ..