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When I say I care little about you
Please know it's the absolute full amount of truth
I hate that I can't scream it at you
Won't forget all you put us through
Just another father on paper, a DAD tattoo
I swore it wouldn't be a preview
Now I look in the mirror and take a swing at you
I try to break through to this other dimension too pull you through
Take back a lifetime that doesn't belong to you
Do my best too squeezed it out of you
Count to three, pull on two, forced to play and pay what's due
Not on queue, but life caught up with you
Couldn't have happened too a more deserving fool, though way overdue
I didn't cling to tissue, I knew I wouldn't miss you
Already grieved for you back in '02
And I knew I'd never let the son of your son know you
Not as a man I knew, not as nothin' but a cautionary tale of what not to do
With both middle fingers to the earth I say thank you

Man it's been too long
I hope you made it into heaven
I gotta say though, that was a ****** thing you did leaving
I missed your funeral, I'm sorry i couldn't say goodbye
I mean i was there but i was too young to fathom the concept of death
How do you tell an 8 year old that you'll never see your father again
You put your wife in a really tough spot bruh!!

I know it dying wasn't on you but **** man!!
I was mad for a while but I understand
There's no rest like resting in the Lord
Wish i could tell you about this world you left me in
Your little girl is ok
Since i never got to, here is your ulogy man

Hey dad, your lil girl ain't so little anymore
I miss you, we all know little girls need their father
I gotta ask you, how'd you think this was gona play out
I needed you but not in ways you might think
You married you a superwoman man, that woman is resourceful
The only thing i lacked were memories of you

Your baby is all grown man, your wife did a banging job!!
I know i said dear dad but really, this is an appreciation for your wife
I miss you but she made sure i never missed the values you would have instilled
You married you a superwoman man, that woman is strong
She slipped into that dual role like she was born for it
I guess what I'm trying to say is
Out of all the gifts you could have ever given me, mum was the perfect gift

Hey dad, thank you for your choice of a wife
She's the greatest mother i could have ever asked for!
In the mean time, explore all the pretty places in heaven
You'll show me around
#death #dad #father #deathpoetry
Nigdaw Nov 4
I held the door open
for the man who let me in
but he decided to stay
and grace us with his presence
for at least a while longer
a chance
to get to know who is
inside the armour
a putting down of the shield
hidden behind for so long
even after great personal loss
he gripped my hand
with affection rather than
hanging on for dear life
and every time I leave him
alone in his hospital bed
I feel a slice of the great loss
I very nearly experienced
Why don’t you love who I am?
You only give me your attention or love
if I’m doing good in school.
You never loved me for the person I was. Only for the things I did that benefited you.
is Sep 21
In a bedroom in small-town Pennsylvania,
you’ll find an unmade bed,
a pile of clothes on the floor—
clean but not folded,
open drawers and dusty shelves,
a desk in the corner of the room
with pictures laid across it.

When I caught my first fish at six.
I held it at arm’s length by the fishing line
to avoid the slimy scales,
a frown on my face from being forced
to sit silently in the cold.

When my family went to Marco Island,
my sister and I, sifting sand for the best seashells
in our matching swimsuits and hats.
Mom and dad’s fights forgotten in our fun.

High school graduation
posing with my best friend since first grade,
diplomas in one hand and an extra cap held between us
because not everyone survived all four years.

Move-in day at college,
sitting on my raised bed with a grey comforter
and two decorative pillows the color of cotton candy.
Sweat on my brow from southern humidity
and moving furniture without the help of a father.

The pictures are merely snapshots
that lack the full story.

How I learned what it meant for love to fall apart
when I was eight years old.
My sister warned me before it happened,
told me what a divorce was.
I mistook her for joking until they called us upstairs.
Dad cried when they told us, but mom held her tears
until the day he left. The sounds of her cries
escaping from behind a closed door.
“This doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.”
But that’s exactly what it meant.

How I was taught by my father that love is conditional,
and I repeatedly needed to prove myself
through good grades and unquestioning obedience.
Forced to stay home to spend time with the family,
sitting wordlessly on the couch while he watched TV.
Made guilty for wanting to spend time with friends
because that somehow meant that I was a bad daughter.
It’s funny—I never asked myself if he was a good father.

If you look harder at the bedroom,
you’ll find journals filled with bitter words,
screws from disassembled pencil sharpeners, loose razors, and Aquaphor,
food wrappers stuffed in hidden places,
a closet brimming with junk and pairs of shoes,
evidence of a story untold. Until you.
Psych-o-rangE Aug 28
1 I attended with my new suit
1 I barely made it to and back
1 I watched from a screen
1 I missed the train
1 I've been preparing for

2018-2023, 5 years.

I'm 25 years old
My dads getting old too
My mom I had to convince to come
Eyes of familiar faces to watch me stand or stumble
I just want you all to know, no matter what, I love you

A son, step-son, brother, half-brother, nephew, grandson, grand nephew, boyfriend, partner in this same suit
You made me who I am

Farmor, especially you.
Farmor means father's mother/grandmother in Swedish
My mother always ends a phone conversation with ‘I love you.’

And she says that it is because you never know
When someone will be taken from you,
and I think that is true.

But her “I love you’s” have different levels;
One said in exasperation to my brothers
when they’re being particularly much

One said quietly to my sisters
as they drift slowly into their dreamscapes
and as she’s closing their door

One said matter-of-factly to me
when I am having a conversation with her.

It always takes me by surprise, and I know that it shouldn’t, but it does because the last level of her “I love you” is reserved for my father.

It is said, almost as an afterthought at the end of their phone conversations, said with frustration and almost resigned to her lot in life.

“— love you.”

The spot for the “I” is a glaring void of things left unsaid

It has given me a new greatest fear that I will grow so complacent in my relationship, in my life, that I too will end phone conversations with “—love you.”
The “I” in “I love you” is important
Looking for Answers
In the box you left
The code to your mind
Doesn’t reside
In the wooden frame
That leaves more pain

Your journal entries
Don’t mention my name
Just loose affirmations
Of the life you couldn’t create
Destined for greatness
You clung to the devil
As if it were your only fate

Your words plead guilty
To the fight for your sanity
Disease took over
The last hopes for glory
All that is left
Is a bucket list
Compromised by your recklessness
So all that I have left of you
Is too many words that never came true
And still in your demise
I long for you
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