Little one I care so deeply for you
Little one it hurts me to know the things you know
Little one I wish you would share with me your pain knowing that I'm your big brother to be there for you....

But I had to find out another way....

Cruelty is so often found in kids, because the brain isn't fully developed so a sense of morality isn't completely filled

My younger sister is eleven years old
She has two different types of seizures
One of them is epilepsy

She goes to school on a constant basis being bullied by her peers because of her seizures
I even found on an app that someone told her to kill herself

Its breaks my heart knowing this
Why do kids have to be so cruel

Little one, my boo you are amazing and so smart, you have an attitude yes but you have the greatest capacity for kindness

You will always be my little sister
You always be something that I cherish in my life
Just know you can come to me, I always will have your back

Little one
My little sister
Trust in your big brother
I would take on the world for you
Little one I wish we were closer and you trusted me with your problems
I love you
lusty lion roaming roars
pounces and devours the strong
paws push boulders down
breaking backs and hearts

a lonely road, a highwayman
beats random travelers bloody
and naked, did you offer gold
to innkeepers curing wounds?

turning your gaze to the earth
walking pass broken bodies
did you walk by men or
women groaning for a hand?

addict drools in a wheelchair
a prisoner hobbles with a cane
harlot dying in a hospital bed
did you say not my gift?

"brother" you call me binding
and locking me with chains
did you speak the Father words
cradling, mending the weak?
2018 © Christos Victor
Alice Ellen Apr 2
I was a new-born when you promised
You would carry me anywhere I wanted
And at any time I wanted,
You promised me safety
You promised me freedom.

Dedicated and deceptive
You had teased me growing up
But I never would have predicted
How malicious you could be
You fooled everyone, even me.

Parts of you were destroyed
But you always found other ways
To stick out, ugly and obscene
You screamed at me, you harassed me
And everyone else recoiled.

You were ruthless, relentless,
I needed your permission to leave
On the worst days I could do nothing
But lie there and seethe.

You were always there waiting,
Until I was distracted, to capture me
Trapping me in a time loop dimension
Loop after loop after loop;
Like an elaborate knot.

My tongue no longer tasted
My humanity began to rust
Like a corpse and its restless ghost
I was dormant but deprived of sleep
How could I rest under your glare?

Like a deranged anaesthetist
You forced me to the very edge
I hung over that abyss, wondering
If you would let my hand go, or pull me up
Until boredom struck again

Amidst the beeping and droning machines
Serpentine, you still twisted around me
Pungent disinfectant; the white-room scent
And the pointed metal tips
Their shrieking tongues turned to monotone.

Well, organs and cells,
I had long outgrown you and
Your demented, slothful ways
What did we have in common
Anymore aside from me?

But we are bound like conjoined twins
As fused together as can be
I’d die without you, you’d die without me
I aim to live in harmony with you
And help you gain a much sunnier hue.
I, no I mean WE will not be defeated.
Now, hope might seem depleted
But I promise that at the end of the tunnel there is a light,
It might be small and barley in sight,
But it is there and it beckons for us to hold on,

Hold on to each other: our friends, our sisters, our brothers,
Because in a world full of hateful slurs,
Where name calling and bullying still occurs,
We need to see each other as more than just negative labels,
It is up to us to look into the eyes of hate and turn the tables,
You might look at that person different than you and call them names,
But all you do is lose sight of, that despite you trying to give them a new one, their name is James.

And James is a fricking genius. No he really is. He is solving high school math problems in the 3rd grade,
And that little James plays Behtoveen on the piano like it has never been played,
But you missed out on all his amazing talents and the best hug you will ever get,
Because you were too busy trying to impress your friends, not worried who you’d upset.  

It is time to learn there are a thousand better words than retarded or gay,
And most of y’all who use them don’t even know what they mean anyway,
So I will fight on to spread the word to end the word,
And no matter how many times they try and break us down,
I will never be deterred,
Because for the one’s I’ve known who are affected by this kind of speech,
For the kids I see every day, the students I teach,
I want them to live in the kind of place,
Where we give up hate and learn to embrace
So if you are with me, make the change today,
Buy a dictionary, find a better word to say.
This might be a sloppy poem but I just needed to get my frustrations out that people still use the words "gay" and "retarded" so casually in conversations without any regard to the damage they are doing to others.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

― Mother Teresa
I have been invisible before.
My thoughts and justifications were transparent.
All anyone could see were my actions;
the way I failed and stumbled,
and ran head first into doors that lead me down path after path of distraction.
At least they seemed like distractions,  
oh, but they become my destruction. 

I spent my time quietly imploding,
only to change my mind last minute,
and suddenly explode.
I changed my mind,
but my body stayed stock still.
I stood in front of the judges
and while my tongue was granite,
the urge to run from the podium had never been greater.

I wished to be invisible.
I wished to go to a dark corner of the room and finish my implosion.
Out of sight,
where I could hide and self destruct without a sound.

And then if,
or when,
I picked up the shrapnel,
I could re-join everyone on stage at graduation.

I could hold my head high
and with a smile,
pretend no one saw me crumble.
TJ Dec 2017
i give them my executables and
ask them to reverse engineer me
to look into my code for reasons
reasons that i'm not just broken
not just slow
not just bad

if these letters
on this line
that i am programmed to worry
then it is not my fault
not my fault that
i have wasted years
years of my life in fear

it's just a bug
looping too many times
using too many clock cycles

my code may be broken, but
if it is broken
then i am not

maybe, just maybe
i am a good processor
given bad code.

not my fault.
no one could blame me.

it would mean
i do what i am told to

what i am told to do is

my programmers are lazy -
not me.

when i find
a function in my code
that never works
and they say
"that code is fine"
then why?
why does it never run?

something must be wrong with me after all
me, myself, the processor
i don't do what i am told

but no, no, no
i don't want that
i can't be broken, overheating, dusty


the code must be wrong
it must be

so i look again and again and again
i lose myself in my code
i click and click and click
2x more and 2x more and 2x more
COMT and DRD4 and ANKK1
rs53576 and rs7794745 and rs1858830
lower risk and normal risk and higher risk
of the same thing
in me at once
overwriting each other

there is no code to add risk objects
and no one knows
they make a group or a ring or a field
or just

like dividing by zero.
you can...
but it's useless in the real world.
just like me.

i look for more code
for more functions
for more comments
more more more
give me more
take my rights
make me open source
as long as i can see me too.

602,000 lines are not enough
not when i run millions

stick your wires in my veins
take the code from my blood
decompile it
untangle it
i need to see it all

i need to know
that i am a good little processor
even if i am doomed to
run BASIC and
a million GOTO statements
and ugly ugly spaghetti code
i am still good.
written 16 February 2016
Audrey Dec 2017
You break the law
that broke new grounds.
You take my flaws
and spin them ‘round.
It’s not my fault,
can’t get around
this phobia.
In it, I drown.
My principal is trying to kick me out of my school solely for being disabled.
Kashish Dec 2017
With the promise of being friends forever they parted.
40 years later the will to meet each other started.
All dressed up for the reunion, the tears rolled down.
As the health did not cooperate with the mind.
Then they remembered the party was uptown.
With the moan, they started to breakdown.
Then a flashback appeared.
The laughs, the pranks and the sensations.
One puts on a brave face and break fear.
From the wheelchair he gets up and calls the dear.
Says doesn't matter the disability, the friends will never out wear.
Get up o get up dear.
The one with low eyesight, calls for the car.
Says doesn't matter if I have to go far.
One by one all leave the fright and go with sparkle in their eyes.
40 years later, again under one roof.
The faces have changed but not the emotions.
Everybody remembers the good old days and promises that never failed.
The clown of the class again makes a joke.
The Romeo and Juliet of the class are still poked.
With funny thing in mind, they make a pact again.
This time to not meet but to get buried together as a team.
bittersweet Nov 2017
There is something wrong with my programming.
It's the the way I was manufactured.
Wires are crossed and some are missing entirely.

I'll probably short circuit again. Life will leave my eyes as they roll back into my skull and I'll fall down and I'll look dead. If I'm lucky my head will bang into the table and I'll fall on the floor and bruise myself everywhere.
It'll prove I'm still alive.

It's not pleasant, but it's a human thing to do.
Computers don't have seizures.
Old poem that I spruced up a bit. About my experience with dissociative seizures.
Tori Sep 2017
I long to fly

Into the sky

But broken wings

Disable me.

I long to play

But here I stay

Wheelchair bound

Still on the ground.

Look in my eyes,

These grey blue skies,

You’re soon to see

Past broken wings.

My body’s bound

But my soul roams round

The sky of my mind

Where you will find

Imagination abounds

My soul roams round

No chains for me

For here I’m free.

So, though I’m o'erlooked

And my wings are all crook’d,

There’s more to me,

I’ve  a soul with wings
This is dedicated to my little sister who has cerebral palsy.
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