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How are you?
But I've been saying it
Since the beginning.
Are the whispers inside true,
That maybe I can finally start to believe it?

What did it take,
Some may innocently wonder.
With every single breath I make.
I've been half trying to ignore the improvement,
Fearing one moments notice will
Surely steal it all back.
"No," I whisper alone, "I want to be better."

The other half
I try to be proud for the little things now,
So really I should feel

I swear I do very much venerate all of my achievements,
It was the only way,
That I could continue to survive.

Unequivocally honestly,
I'm afraid.
Scared of it all going wrong again.
Waiting to feel the terror of all the endless times I've tried,
Getting thrown right back in my face again.
Because isn't that what's been destined to happen
From the very start?

I've been having an almost
Two month long rest,
A complete break of everything.
It was only meant to last a month, but after that month had been and gone,
It started to actually feel
A little better, brighter,
Less dark.

I'll admit it,
I'm guilty,
Guilty of getting comfortable with how it started to feel.
I didn't want it ripped away from me,
I know once it's gone it will be hard as **** to get back,
I've already been through all that,
I am still.

I want to get back to pushing myself.
(Like this)
I never wanted to stop,
But I had to listen,
My body was screaming at me, for me
To stop.
And this evidence is telling me why I had to listen.
It seems you can't beat your body,
Ever, but especially not when it's fighting for you and against you.

And the symptoms yelled
Please stop, please be still,
Like they wanted me to sleep all day,
But still it will take half-a-year for there to be any difference.
But I waited.
I didn't get any choices.

So now, I'm sorry
It just terrifies me that trying,
When I finally let it be,
Might tear me back down, to where I used to be.
I'm not foolish enough to expect this is the end.
Surely when I try again my symptoms will join in too.
They only started to improve
The more I tried to rest.
Yes, eventually - After a lot of effort I got here,
But you have no idea how I tried.
How I limited my actions,
So in a month maybe it won't be so hard.
Now I'm here, I'm worried my efforts will send me back.
Don't make me go,
I don't want to be useless anymore,
I'm still bad but so much better,
Please don't
Stop me,
Hurt me,
Trip me,
Trap me,
Lose me to my own body.
Not anymore.
I'm still here
J L James Oct 20
This fragile body hosts an infinite soul
whose human form may not be whole.
What may appear a tragic rift
is in fact a precious gift
to those whose spirits are attuned.
Extending our own body and soul
to others is what we truly know.
Often outside walls close in
with loneliness and credit cards spread thin,
as advocacy with officialdom weighs in.
But nothing will change what you do,
for this is what carers know.
Each body hosts an infinite soul.
Lilywhite Oct 1
What if I told you that...

my brother, well he's older than me
but he has a mental disability
he isn't like you and me
he learns, thinks, and acts differently
so at 23, he's a little brother to me

and growing up, a little brother he was . . .
always taking things without asking!
and there's no telling how he found it because by that age
I had him beat in hide and go seek like no bodies business
he turned the dryer on while me and my poodle, baby-girl, were still inside

but even that isn't as bad as the time
I CRIED AND I CRIED AND I CRIED AND I CRIED AND I CRIED  until there were tears no more


No more did I want to watch dragon ball z, no more
No more did I want to play another card game of yu-gi-oh, no more, not after that whole debockle, no!
I didn't want to play hide and go seek and I definitely did not want to go trick-or-treat

"You're too big to receive any candy" the neighbors would say as they shut the door in his face
and as he walked back, tears in his eyes, confused in his super hero disguise as to why he got denied

It was then that I realized I was growing older and even though he could be the biggest pain in my neck, he's my brother.

so, to me it was as if I had to protect him, from then on out,
to look after and defend him,
to guard against all the rude comments and hateful tauntings
the other kids would try to impress upon him

It was then I became the rubber that stuck to his shoes, that kept his feet placed firmly upon the ground
So he would know how to stand up for himself

because it was then I watched my mother tell that lady to try again
and when she came back, in one hand, she carried a bag of candy and in the other, a bag of apologies

oh and it was then that I knew
when she wasn't around, I would be
and that it was up to me to be his rock and not to roll
in and out of his life like everyone and everything else
that out grows him

February 17, 2015
May Elizabeth Jul 24
Ask me about my attention deficit disorder
Or Pie
Or my cat, a dog.
I have a bike.
Do you like TV?
I saw a rock today.
No really ask me
I promise my attention is on you
Ooh, look at that book!
It’s so pretty
I love books
Do you like books?
I’ll try harder to focus
But I can’t
Yes I can
No, I can’t
Yes. I can.
No. you can’t so here's a few drugs were testing on you
Go ahead
You'll be smarter and better
We promise.
Now don't complain or else we'll take them away.
My brain swirls around in a million whirlpools as I look around a small room
I can't seem to hear what my teacher is saying
But I try to keep my eyes on the board.
Even though my eyes are on the board
My mind continues to swirl
I can't focus
I try and try and try, but nothing seems to help.
Then the drugs.
The drugs that make me focus but remove my focus on food
I don’t eat for days.
I can’t sleep because the drugs make my mind race.
Oh, you can’t sleep? Here are some more drugs.
Now sleep focus and try to get through life without wanting to scream.
I wrote a speech about A.D.D because I have a severe case and it is something that's always been a big roadblock in my life and probably always will be so I decided to write a poem about it to help those who don't understand it get a bit of a clearer idea through an inside view. Here you go. Thanks!
Randy Johnson Jul 18
It is illegal to refuse to hire disabled people in the state of Tennessee.
Even though I graduated from medical school, a hospital wouldn't hire me.
They said they couldn't hire me because I'd do a lot of harm.
They said I couldn't be a doctor because I only have one arm.
I sued them and they were forced to hire me even though I'm disabled.
But when I performed an operation, the person died on the operating table.
I operated on a woman who had fifteen kids, she was going to have her tubes tied.
If I hadn't been the doctor who performed the surgery, she wouldn't have died.
Swift action was taken, I was fired immediately.
They had no other choice but to terminate me.
There were two important reasons why I shouldn't have been part of the hospital's workforce.
I only have one arm and the medical school that I graduated from was a correspondence course.
soph Jun 14
ain't no disability, i'm a superhero
- kanye west
who i am

is a complicated ****-show of

mental illnesses, diagnosed

and medicated to make me able.

according to the kids at school,

i will put you in a chokehold for flexing your double-

jointed finger.
autism is strange,

because words hurt more

than you could image.

a few words are no longer spoken

in our household.

freak is one of them.
have you ever feared someone

because of rumors?

if you have, then i announce you as an enemy,

so let's duel with choppy movements

and irrational fingers.

school is out,

and i'm thinking that

who i am

is a  delicate ****-show of

who i want to be
Is she gon' make it, TBD, huh.
the rain looks a certain way today
in what way,
I couldn't say

but I can tell you about the sweet,
light and cool, coconut water that sat so gently on my tongue.

I could tell you about the squidge,
that sound of the liquid inside dumplings
as it flings out in a single burst.

Or the veil of heavy heat
that drapes itself on my back
lounging, and resting languidly.
Alice Ellen Apr 2
I was a new-born when you promised
You would carry me anywhere I wanted
And at any time I wanted,
You promised me safety
You promised me freedom.

Dedicated and deceptive
You had teased me growing up
But I never would have predicted
How malicious you could be
You fooled everyone, even me.

Parts of you were destroyed
But you always found other ways
To stick out, **** and obscene
You screamed at me, you harassed me
And everyone else recoiled.

You were ruthless, relentless,
I needed your permission to leave
On the worst days I could do nothing
But lie there and seethe.

You were always there waiting,
Until I was distracted, to capture me
Trapping me in a time loop dimension
Loop after loop after loop;
Like an elaborate knot.

My tongue no longer tasted
My humanity began to rust
Like a corpse and its restless ghost
I was dormant but deprived of sleep
How could I rest under your glare?

Like a deranged anaesthetist
You forced me to the very edge
I hung over that abyss, wondering
If you would let my hand go, or pull me up
Until boredom struck again

Amidst the beeping and droning machines
Serpentine, you still twisted around me
Pungent disinfectant; the white-room scent
And the pointed metal tips
Their shrieking tongues turned to monotone.

Well, organs and cells,
I had long outgrown you and
Your demented, slothful ways
What did we have in common
Anymore aside from me?

But we are bound like conjoined twins
As fused together as can be
I’d die without you, you’d die without me
I aim to live in harmony with you
And help you gain a much sunnier hue.
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