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Zombie Oct 4
I wanted to relish *****,
but WHISKEY drowned me in it.
I wish I can taste the  vodhka which I got..
Brad post Sep 28
This ****’s been going on,
for far too long.
It took me talking to him,
to know something was wrong.

It started as a whisper,
so quiet and weak.
I could force it to silence,
without having to speak.

Then my mind and body,
started to waste.
He started to gorge,
and fell in love with the taste.

My slow decline,
was the foothold he needed,
and his tendrils grew,
where I didn’t know they were seeded.

His control grew bigger,
till it shadowed my mind,
and the whiskey fog I was in,
had simply turned me blind.

Then one day I was through,
enough was enough.
I was going to take control,
I had to be tough.

That was the first time,
that he spoke to me,
and that “no” was enough,
to finally make me see.

I tried and I tried,
again and again,
crying through his laughter,
trying to pour him out through a pen.

He was poison,
like a cancer you see.
He was killing us both,
but everyone just blamed me.

Then one day I realized,
I couldn’t get rid of that voice.
To do that meant death,
and that wasn’t a choice.

He’s a part of me,
but disconnected too.
A bystander to the hell,
that he’s putting me through.

Now every day is a struggle,
to quiet his voice.
Trying to convince myself,
that I do have a choice.

So he’s here to stay,
the monkey on my back.
The ominous stranger,
who calls himself, Jack.
We all have that voice, some are stronger than others.
Jemima Mitra Sep 26
I miss the                    
                sober you
And the things that we used to say
                                                     and do.
                              I miss the sunny days
Before we went our separate ways.
I miss
            my friend
And the messages
                                      we’d send,
The things you’d teach me -
                  Like how to make a perfect cup of tea
You figured George Orwell knew best
                       But I wasn’t
          as easily impressed.

You text me out of the blue
                                                      at 3am
Then don’t seem to
                         text me again
You’re already turning to
                                              a half-
formed ghost.

A staggering
                       phantom

                              at the very most.

I wonder why you bother with me:
          
              What is it that I’m doing wrong that I can’t see?

You’re there                    
                                   and then
                                                                ­      you’re gone,
A fading,
               flaking
                                 phenomenon.

A few            
                   more pints of beer
And suddenly      
                        you’re right                            
                                                                ­     here;
Our conversations are back too
                              But what ever happened to sober you?

Once
                     you showed up when I didn’t expect you to
I didn’t need to guess,                      
                                 I already knew
                       Your face was
                                             drooping, your eyes glazed
It's                    
              so common                              now                                 ­                                                                 ­     
                                      that  I’m                
­ no longer fazed.

Why do you only talk to me
                    when you’re ****** up?
                                   Why does this feel like a *******

breakup?
                     And I miss you            
                                                 ­ so much;
I miss my close friend

                    Why won’t you tell me
                                           What led to sober you’s end?

Surely,
                   there is something

                                            that I can do

                        To bring back the very
                                          
                     ­                                     best version of you?
Terrible the amount of anger spewed;
unrealized and uncontrolled.
Where honesty is meant to come off her tongue,
resentment instead is rolled.

Fighting to get through the pain,
trying to let people in.
But with lack of sauce to keep her sane,
irritability is sure to win.

Coming off as someone she's not
... what it takes to change,
I'm so ******* terrified because
to me that person is strange.
(c) Allison Wonder
2/13/19
Michael Hole Aug 23
Blend how I missed you,
Wished to sip you,
Whilst I was away.

In Singapore
you were no more,
and it ruined my ****** day.

But now I'm back
with you again,
In some ****** little dive.

You'll pour again,
Like falling rain,
My golden 285.
I'm so, so very sorry,
Child of mine.
Looking back,
The years were not kind to you.
To me.
Us.
You never deserved any of this.
Not when our teacher hated us,
Not when mommy stopped caring for us,
Not when daddy got drunk and scared us.
Not when he threatened to hit us.
Nor when he locked us and brother outside in the harsh winter.
More recently,
Not when we cut ourselves,
Not when we went to bed sobbing.
Not when we made the wrong choice,
And mother was far far too harsh.
Not when step father offered us a *******,
Made us seem too adult too young.
Not when he offered us lacey ******* and thongs.
That was particularly hard to move on from.
When we were especially little,
We didn't deserve the trauma of the car accident,
When we had barely turned six.
Seeing a man scalped and ******, being dragged from his car.
I suppose it was his fault.
You didn't deserve the next seven years,
Afraid of vehicles,
Afraid every single time mommy braked a tad too hard,
Gasping for breath and gripping the door with a white knuckle fist.
You never deserved to wonder what your daddy meant when he was teaching you cruel jokes,
Nor should you have been able to tell if your daddy was drunk enough to be back out,
At the ripe age of ten.
Child of mine,
You didn't deserve to be born to him.
You didn't deserve eating nothing but cheap boxed food,
You didn't deserve thinking that fruit was a delicacy.
You didn't deserve being so so poor for so long,
Enough to even still effect us now.
We never deserved to have the happiness ****** out of us at school,
To be picked on for being so small and skinny.
Looking back, that was probably related to our financial situation.
You didn't deserve the knowledge and stress of the financial crisis of your dad's smoking and drinking,
The knowledge that our water and electricity was going to be shut off.
Child of mine,
I'm so sorry at what a wreck our mind is today.
I'm sorry that our anxiety has gotten so bad we have OCD.
I'm sorry I let everything daddy, mommy, brother, step father, step mommy, teacher, and all the things the kids at school said to us bother me so so much.
I'm sorry that I hurt our body.
I'm sorry I starved us.
I'm sorry I documented that we were drinking with best friend, and now we can't talk to her.
Child of mine,
I apologize for everything.
For our cowardice, unable to be honest.
For our daddy's irresponsibility,
For our mommy's stress,
For our step fathers stupidity and disregard,
For our step mommy's careless chatter,
For our, my, misguided efforts to cope,
But,
Child of mine,
I apologize foremost for the world.
I apologize in behalf of every single person whose smallest action has caused you the most miniscule amount of distress.
I apologize in behalf of your brothers and sisters who are selfish enough to take the joy of a child.
I apologize in behalf of every single person who has ever had an effect on climate change, who has taken your beautiful world and slowly destroyed it.
I apologize in hope that one day I can properly remember who you were, and finally find that part of me.

It was never your fault.
This is probably the longest thing I've posted on here
The temptation is always hanging over me.
A cloud raining pure amber liquid,
Calling with a siren sound.

"I'll help you forget"

"I'll help you be happy"

"We can have fun"

"Make you feel nice"

"Give you back your laugh"

"Take away the pain"

"Supplement the light"


The cold silence of the night makes my nightmares so much more real.

I am alone.


"Together we will be warm"


That's right.





We will be.
I am far too young to be a ******* alcoholic **** but I guess I was always daddy's little girl
AS Nilsen Jul 25
all my favorite bars
remind me of old ship wreckage
blue bottled dry gin
courses through my Viking veins
I steer this helm steadily
tired and depressed
lost and abandoned
no love
no hope
until one day i stumbled on a drink that made me feel alive
don't let the name depressant fool you
it slows my reactions the thoughts
the voices that tell me i'm worthless
alcohol was the solution i have been searching for
even better it was always there
always there.... and if i drink a little more the high lasts a little longer
i was all alone and hurt
until alcohol came and clouded everything
it was the escape i needed
and that is how i was made an alcoholic
i'm reading a psychology book.... i don't drink.
Skylar Turner Jun 26
what was it like when you left me behind?
with a bottle of jack clasped in your greedy palm,
did you ever look over your shoulder?
did you ever turn back?

independency never looked more like a cage
when you realize it came with
losing a childhood to a parent
dependent on *****
and lost in her liquor.

maturity is a sculpture that people
chip and mold to fit their own reality
when they forget that the
broken pieces surrounding the perfect sculpture
are really what maturity is made of.

when you left me behind
i reveled in my independency
and clutched my broken pieces in my hands,
glued them back together
and called it armor.

but i still wonder from time to time,
if you ever looked down to see your own
broken jack bottle
glass pieces by your feet,
because you finally remembered

that you left your daughter behind.
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