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Hawley Anne Jan 2022
Will everyday hurt just a little bit less,
until one day its just a memory?
Gathering dust in the back of your mind,
is this what its like in recovery? .
All of the stress the drama and crime,
that goes with the lifestyle of ****.
What do you do with yourself anymore,
now that none of those things are left?

No more 3 am bedtime and hating your life,
no more walking the streets day and night.
No more wishing that you could for once just relax,
and not worry that there'd be a fight.
No more people pretending to be your best friend,
just to turn 'round and steal all your stuff.
No more doing anything you possibly could,
to get money so you could buy drugs.
No more silently screaming inside your own mind,
wishing that all of this would  just stop.
No more hiding in fear when you hear a siren,
cuz you'll no longer worry its cops.
No more crying yourself to sleep every night,
because somebody else has your kids.
No more spending the days just lost in your thoughts,
about every single milestone missed.
No more trying to think of an answer to give, to your 5 year old child when they ask.
"Mommy and daddy why dont I live with you?
Because YOU'RE my REAL mom and dad."

I've got some advice if you need some help,
so please listen closly my friend.
There is a few things I think you should try,
If you really want your addiction to end.
Boredom is dangerous so don't be alone,
but dont hang out with your old friends.
Find some new people to surround yourself with,
you've got to force this addiction to end.
Its not going to work if you don't give all you've got,
addicts don't want you to get clean at all.
Misery loves company they'll just drag you down,
cuz they would rather facilitate your fall.
So keep to yourself and some new sober friends,
and always believe you'll succeed.
Just keep on going one day at a time,
and from this addiction you'll see you've been freed.
jon Nov 2021
I walked to meet up with the dope dealer
To get some more of the soul stealer.
jon Nov 2021
Knock knock, who’s that?
Glance through the peephole
****, I’ve missed you and that’s a fact
Here take my money and my soul

Can I ask you what your name is?
Oh, wow what a lovely name
Tina, I remember our very first kiss
You walked out and I’ve only myself to blame

It feels as if I cannot live without you
That I wouldn’t make it out alive
There’s an explanation that’s due
You keep me alive long enough to survive

My mind has many thoughts but mainly parasites
I can’t control the want because it has now become a need
Between my mind and surroundings I don’t know what the **** is right
I wish you never would have planted that first seed.
Expressing my struggles with letting an unhealthy coping mechanism go.
Andrew Rueter Apr 2021
You might be on ****
if you run over your own transmission
pushing your car as hard as possible
because Tik Tok by Kesha is playing.

You're definitely on ****
it afterwards you pull into a nearby parking lot
and decide to just shoot **** there
for the next few days.

You're not on **** anymore
when the business owner is fed up with you
and you're falling asleep talking to the police
who only find empty bags and tell you to leave.

The lines become blurred
when you're six months sober
and a psychosis has developed
to the point where you're hiding
behind your couch from the shadow
people with ****** rifles outside.
Mindy Belgard Mar 2021
Still alive
But barely breathing
I searched but didnt find a meaning
My persistent heart wont stop its beating
I get high instead of sleeping
Finding veins to shoot some speed in
Countless hours ive spent tweaking
Im Just a ****** and a fiend
Playing victim
To a cycle so vicious
Hard to admit im the one who chose and picked this
Im on my own hit list
My lifes the perfect nightmare thats ever been scripted
my Memories play out in tragedies
Remembering saddens me
Ive been more stressed than any kid should ever be
And yet i never let them see
The Years spent living in denial
I want to cry but fake a smile
Something i learned as a child
They wont hurt me if i never let them in
I never learned how to get vulnerable
I just held it all in
Bottled up feelings
Never once expressing
How it feels inside my head
All alone no one knows me
Ive aways been a phony
Force feeding myself so im not too noticeably boney
I Cant cope unless im high
Needle full of dope until i die
My wills too weak to be freed
What was a want has now become a need
Im getting Paranoid as my track marks are getting harder to hide
My Blood thickens as it dries
Thomas W Case Jan 2021
I was feeling
and dark.
I put
rocks in my
to uplift my
to climb
out of the hole.

I want to
run on
the clouds
touch the sun;
go 180 around
the third turn.
Feel nothing but
the wind;
go out like
Earnhardt Sr.
a blaze of
Last lap
last run.
jon Dec 2020
I cannot seem to think on my own.
People think for me and I feel alone.
But without them I would not be around.
I hear a voice in the background.
I say background but do I mean it?
I don't, its probably just another memory slip.
Wait, I do mean it.
But instead, it's all in my head.
My best friend is my bed.
I gotta get in the booth and get emotions recorded.

Everything is distorted.
Things start to move.
I become someone else.
A new person. A new identity.
New everything.  
The whole works. I wish i was dead.
They tell me it's in my head.
I'm gonna survive. I know it look like I'm being lazy.
I promise I'm trying, my head is crazy.
I know I'm not but they don't.
And I know they won't.
When episodes occur,
I just lay in bed,
Still staying in my head.
I do nothing but pick it back up.
Whether it be crystal or my double cup.
My person calls this
Type of cycle insanity.
I love her, my family, she is all I have.
Without the love,
I would be gone.
Without the love,
There would be no me.
I need her just as much
As she needs me.
Without the love,
I do not thrive.
Without the love,
I will not survive.
Without the love,
You can push and shove
And not get anywhere.
I'm so lost in my head,
I don't even know my own way out.
I only know the way to my bed.
Momma knows best as I lay my head to rest.
Chaos Kidd Dec 2020
As far as I can remember you’ve RAN my life,

From my father and mother and also Ex-wife,

We all have been your worthless slave,

Days we refused are the days we craved,

Desolation and destruction in your wake,

I’ve offered you my useless life to take,

As I fail to get my life on track,

I just shoot bigger loads of twack,

I’m as lost as the orphan boy in the woods,

I’m not remembered for doing much good,

Only wrongs and misplaced hate,

Had me wander into my fate,

I blame them all but not once me,

I blame them all one, two, and three,

So as I pointed out all their flaws,

I became immersed by your powerful jaws,

Your claws are sharp, long and pointy,

So where’s the right path can you please point me?

My direction is sporadic as my thoughts,

I knows there’s this one thing that I’ve been taught,

And that is never show weakness not in this game,

Or you may end up killed by what’s his name,

He burned you badly beyond repair,

Because you tread with little care,

I get that you were naïve,

But in my words you should believe,

I’ve been down this road my whole life through,

I beg that you won’t do these things that I do!,

I had a soul as my Fathers son,

And as my mothers youngest one,

I’ve watched these paths taken lightly,

The scenes I’ve seen aren’t all that sightly,

I’ve been young and as I grow old,

I started to learn to do as I’m told,

For if I hear those words nye,  

Soon I’ll be the one to die!,

Im so lost, alone, and misunderstood,

Sorrily the high I get just isn’t that good!,

Good enough I think inside,

But it could be better if only I tried,

Tears and blood oh I have tasted,

But its nothing to the years I've seemingly wasted!
Written on June 14, 2020 by my dear friend Jordan Ernest. This poem hit too close to home and is to beautifully real to not share with the rest of you.
Ryan Aug 2020
Amphetamines in the dark.
Sitting here, heart pounding.
All bite and no bark.
My shame compounding.

I’ve been up for days.
Heart beating, chest thumping.
I navigate the haze.
My internal engine pumping.

Amphetamines in the dark.
I haven’t had this energy in years.
All started by a spark.
It will only end in tears.
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