SITTING, staring patiently
debating taking silent leave
to heave my bones toward reprieve
and shake off all that's shaking me.
SITTING, staring patiently
I see the demon's point in me.
I see it shine, I see it weep,
and see it when I go to sleep,
LAYING, waiting patiently.
Horribly, these foggy dreams
do more to please
than psyche needs.
I feel a presence gazing me.
LYING, waiting anxiously.
Now here it is debasingly
teasing me insatiably,
promising my every need:
LYING, hiding everything.
What do we call this foul disease?
This object overtaking me?
A spoon and needle raping me.
LOSING, hiding everything.
in and out between
kaleidoscopes of subway dawn
like an earwig looks for deadwood,
with warm, black static--
colonies of regret
settle, strung-out in a nod
on Irving & Clark.
Insatiable itch--stale skin festers,
irradiated in Heroin;
I want to scratch
out the white
from my bones.
The memory of being in my car seat
Looking out the window at the summer heat
Dad behind the wheel long hair everywhere
Mom watching him with her weird stare
Sister next to me feeling the wind with her hand
those moments sure where grand
Made me feel like a normal kid
Just took my real life and put on a lid
I would do anything to have those again
Just to go back to where it all began
Before you left me alone
Before I sank like a stone
Falling into the black void
Leaving behind what I enjoyed
The feeling of tranquility
Feeling like I had stability
Then you went and took those pills
Guess you just wanted to feel the thrills
All the times I cried and begged you not to go
But every time I woke up you didn’t show
I wished on every star
That you would be here but its just another scar
I often wander what your voice sounded like
If you sounded like your friend mike
Mike must of meant more to you then me
Since he was the last one you went to see
I hate myself with a passion
I feel my life crashin’
I didn't get to say goodbye
Thinking about that always makes me sigh
Actually it makes me cry
Makes me want to die
But I wanted to make you proud
Stick out to you above the crowd
I would've done anything for your love
But you lick the silver spoon and scoot me back with a shove.
You finally did it one night
Maybe it was out of spite
Because you knew better
Now you'll never receive this letter
A motel room sofa was your resting place
Father like son is the up coming case
I have to get out of this place
So maybe ill try my first taste
I helped you kick, you moaned and you sweat
I gave you all the pills I could get
I let you complain, bitch and than whine
I let you steal my only dime
I let you kick, out on my couch
You deceived, you lied and made me vouch
Watching you kick was not a pretty sight
All your demons, all trying to bite
I helped you kick, 'til you finally got right
So why are back in the dope house tonight?