Little upstart, young showboat
Lots of bluster full of gloat,
Been there minutes, thinks he knows,
Blind ambition and it shows.

They say he's bright and tough to boot,
Compared to me, now that's a hoot,
What's Yale and Harvard, simply names,
The constant ones he repeatedly proclaims.

As to the Navy, are we to be impressed,
He only served so he'd be thought best dressed;
The lawyer bit, now that brings on a shiver,
The very thought entwines my liver.

Now as to his wife,
I will admit she's rather nice,
But then let's pause to look at mine,
And tell me if she doesn't her outshine.

So there's no doubt whichever way you cut it,
I Trump this kid with character and wit,
He may be smart, but I'm the stable Genius,
Him all hot air, with me my smarts are intravenous.

As I ponder how I should react,
Knowing I’m the very best at tact,
I thought I'd stick to what I do so well,
While he drones on, I'll just my winning vision sell.

America needs me, not some kid wet behind the ears,
Whose monotone delivery brings us all to sleepy tears,
With me you get that vibrant lively spark
The choice quite clear, a Guppy or a Shark?

Here’s a playlist, Mr. Ex President:

'I Fought the Law' by The Clash
'Chain Gang' by The Pretenders
'Locked Up' by Akon
'My Own Prison' by Creed
'Prisoner' by The Weeknd
'Famous-in-A-Small-Town' by Miranda Lambert
'FatMan on the Run' by Paul McCartney & Wings
'Jailhouse Rock' by Elvis Presley
'Prison Grove' by Warren Zevon
‘Who’s Sorry Now’ by Connie Francis
‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ by Cher

If convicted, Trump should claim to identify as a woman

I cackle and I giggle
I'm a friendly sort of gal
And when I’m quite excited
I'll give a little twirl.

Why would all this be funny
As It's simply who I am
Just a smart and chatty lady
Not a sour old boring man?

The job I do is tiresome
Cleaning up after my boss
Helping prompt him and remind him
For he's often at a loss.

People need to understand
As the ‘Spare’ it's really tough
If you harbor any doubts
Ask Prince Harry just how rough.

We poor souls haven't a rudder
A proper job to give us strength
Maybe why we're such a target
Nipped and pricked with every breath.

The sad part is I'll never be
The leader only I can clearly see
The first woman to Preside
The gig I thought was meant for me.

But what the heck let's have some fun
Doing the little that I do
A skill of mine if truth be told
As often I simply haven't got a clue.

So what I kept some stuff
A few small keepsakes, merely fluff
They make such noise, so much dumb fuss
Their indignation careening like a bus.

Now they think I'll spill the beans
Use my powers by any means
I can clearly hear their screams
Trying to figure out my schemes.

All hot air like a balloon
Their pouting makes me want to swoon
The media bellows noon to noon
More newsworthy than the landing on the moon.

But oh what fun when dear old Joe
Was caught with files of which he didn't know
Or so he claimed to hear the crow
Of countless minders rushing to and fro.

And now comes Pence my dear old friend
Whose pious indignation never seems to bend
So let me just this little message send
He who laughs first laughs loudest in the end.

I will very very probably do it again
Anyone who knows me and has a brain
Can see that Biden's old and lame
Now's the time to reignite my reign.

MAGA folks love me and want me back
They need our country set on track
For what I have all others lack
Of running stuff they know sweet jack.

As to DeSantimonius, Short Pants Pence and Chippy Cheney
That they'll burn out I'll wage you money
I'm the one that's smart and funny
My golden touch makes all things sunny.

So once these midterms are sown up
I'll squeeze lame Joe just like a bug
Show the world that he's a dud
For I’m the man, I know it in my gut.

Popular vote,
ignorant hermit-scribbler
proverbs and epigrams and memes.

Scattered in the collective unconscious,
not non conscious consciousness, self
confidence,
feeling fine, in response to the question,
how do you feel, how are we doing today.

fine, well ground, espresso speed, powder
fine ground, steam-pressurized pass,
whoosh, rich man's java, Starbucks,

from the TV show, yeah, maybe,
what TV show, the audience, is only
on average, just past thirty,

so the Space Pilot Starbuck, is, wait,
we can use Ziggy Stardust,
  
For 2024, he can be VP, and…

whatchewmean, ee ain't real,

I saw him in the crowd,
at the Arizona election Trumps supporters
are buying,

Ziggy is real, he'll help us, give us a
selfie with the Pearl of Great Price,
for the land owners trust, show 'em.

The word of God is the word of God,
if an oath taken on it stands up in Hell.

- oh Lord, please don't let me be
- misunderstood.

I'm senile, demented, a has been, a dud,
At least that's the story, the Republican fad,
Yet little they know in their haste to throw dirt,
That they're helping my cause with their views so absurd.

Each arrow they fly with anger and speed
Is akin to a child that as yet doesn't read,
It has no direction it lands off its mark,
Its aim misaligned, a shot in the dark.

But let them continue, this path suits me fine,
For while they're distracted I follow my line
Of making great changes, passing new laws,
Pushing them through despite the known flaws.

My ace up the sleeve I've yet to pull out,
The one that will make my enemies shout,
Trump’s just my ticket to another 4 years
Flooding Republicans in a torrent of tears.

So let him continue to posture and shout,
Instilling in voters that lingering doubt,
The choice never clearer between him and me
And just like the last time I’ll win out you'll see.

They did it they really did it,
Can you believe it, can it be true;
My folks are angry, their passions lit
One voice united, this act the glue.

Little they know the hornets’ nest
They've now unleashed upon themselves,
They may well smirk at their cute start,
But I'm the ogre, they the elves.

To raid my home, a line now crossed
They truly think I'll cower in fear,
My cannons out, all fairness tossed,
I'll strike and torch all they hold dear.

Biden's a joke, a simple stooge,
A patsy by any other name,
This thing they did, I'll make it huge,
The best of gifts to fuel my fame.

A few more years to wait and scheme
To win it all and wipe their smirk,
Then watch the wokes just wail and scream,
As they observe our handy work.

Revenge is great, it drives my life
Cross me and watch for what comes next,
I can be sweet, just ask my wife
As to my foes such pain they won’t expect.

The more I think the more I'm sure
The odds were stacked as all can see,
The Media's rotten to the core
At least on that we should agree.

But two years on what do you think,
Did sleepy Joe succeed or fail,
I hear so many took to drink
Watching the saga of Dither and Flail.

Afghanistan, Russia, Inflation and Gas,
Just a few things that mark his mishits,
And yet that same Media gave him a pass
Altering headlines until something fits.

COVID aside he can't catch a break
Even his wife is shaking her head,
She tells us he's fine, really awake,
He's just been unlucky, with good times ahead.

I'm just sitting back enjoying the show,
Getting some laughs, spreading the word,
Watching frustration evermore grow,
Promises plenty, all action deferred.

Not long now to wait, November's next door,
We'll take back both houses and that's where the fun starts,
Of my own aspirations, patience for more,
But watch me in action until he departs.