The day will come where it takes a mortician
to show you there are worse things
than your depression
Death or dismemberment
It's not just your falsified insurance claim
The day you fell to your knees and wept
over the great pacific ocean
In the city of angels you were humbled by its majestic potion
The message in a bottle you never sent
Your laziness allowed the entire ocean to be swept
carelessly away for your lack of devotion
The day you spoke about your loneliness
sitting in an upright-coffin-confession
Adjacent to the man who raped children
to make himself feel... more... man.
Literally, I meant, he felt those young men.
Did that yet distract your pain?
Remember that day
that day you cried to your doctor
Elaborating about your back and lack of motion
She’d been crying
She was trying to comprehend
hospice for her cancer-ridden husband
Off to die, he was sent
Oh, that's exactly what it meant.
But, oh, that little tiny microscopic pain!
Then there was that day you complained
To your flat-mate about your job being so mundane.
As she spoke of her boss firing her,* post-rape*
To avoid the human resource claim
You were hell-bent over your issue…
As she went insane.
Remember the day you went "insane" to your best friend
About your second wedding being destroyed by the rain
Your bestie was a man who had never felt the embrace
The ability to cherish
The passion and pain of a woman,
he had paralyzed legs,
no woman had ever loved him
Because he could never provide sex.
And YES you booooooo-hoo-ed
Over all your costume-esque dresses getting wet
You complain about the rain...
A magical natural scene
You've never once tried
to see that persons suffering.
Preoccupation with making something permanent
A feeling of expectation
incorporation of a certain situation
or habitation into life, for good
It makes me freak out.
for a certain thing to happen
fear of that something actually happening
Or that it's something that might be permanent.
the attempt to find certainty
the desire to control things.
Control you, controlling me
I'm afraid you'll find my black
It will come back again.
It's like an arc weld done incorrectly
Eventually it will start to bleed
And fall apart.
But I dreamt about welding and you welding me
into something permanent
You had me molded against the truck and...
I don't know who you are, but you put your fire in me
So deeply it burns.
A fire that firefighters can't dissolve
Doctors can't resolve.
You're in me,
and I love you.
The problems I have are bigger than me, friend
They are bigger than you, than you could imagine
And bigger than the god you believe in
People keep telling me to be patient
But I have been a patient my whole entire life
There's nothing that this so-called-god has fixed
I have no faith in man or in god
Or the doctors that both of those come from
I only have faith in myself and the things I have done
God and man have hurt, stolen and crippled me
There was no exterior angel that repaired me
There was only me and the things I have done
How many pools of blood must I lay in asking, "am I gonna die?"
Yeah, I'm gonna die, but that's not up to man
It's up to me, and the things I have done.
It was always a joke, phrase or idiom
It wasn't an analysis of what we did to them
The paralysis which was led by God or men
Who left a woman with a life condemned
And "he" is not found, but here I am.
I lost my arm to a waterfall
Fostered harm by something beautiful
A hand and forearm unmade musical
Water on land intersects not once, several
A band of storms lay down by that Neanderthal.
Waters splash like cymbals crash
Like whiplash from 3 cars smashed
Like fast paced life becoming past
Like a harassed female, never asked
And at long last... I'm unembarrassed.
Soft as water came, it became a hurricane
Pain blows through my veins and brain
I sound insane as I strain to explain
Doctors abstain and became inhumane
Riding the insane a-train to remain...
...a soft stream of water.
The closer I get to being done
The more I see a bed at home
A bed alone
It's made of sticks and stones
Each night it breaks my back bones
I get so fucked up when I'm alone
It's so fucked up
That I find someone.
The people will always show
Not once but twice in a row
Alignment perfectly chronological
Calloused and shallow
When they are illogical
Waving words so psychological
Psychologically fucked up
It's so fucked up
That I found them at all
For a moment I'm special
So quickly I'm gone
Your feelings grew strong
With misplaced infatuations along
I've been doing this dance so long
I should know when I'm done wrong
Skipping and singing along
It's so fucked up
I've memorized the lyrics to this song
You congratulate me
On every... tiny... victory
Like I am tiny, like I'm a baby
Whose cheerio bowl is emptied
On time with the finale of your meal
And cheered on when I'm not whiny
When fighting this or that ordeal
And like a parent to a child
You tell me that you're proud of me
As if YOU get the reward of pride
As though you built my profile
But through all your ignorance...
Entertained by anything shiny.