saranade Mar 21
I painted the pollution in the sky with my own blood
I was proud
So I sat below it, as it dripped back down
Puddle by puddle I can see what it is that pain passes on
The pollution of my own wreckage
Thick, it choked my breath
I stressed over my own twisted toxins
Carrying the weight of me on my back
Back home.
Pollution of my thoughts. I'm my own interference.
saranade Dec 2017
I find myself in love with you
   You have known it all along, as well
We spent many naked hours together
As you taught me to be confident
   Secure, in who I am, in what I do
In who I am with you and what I do to you.

Having dreams of our sexuality, whatever that is
Having dreams of desire
  desire for the married, it's no "sin"
Sin is just another three letters man has defined
Defined with a meaning so great it's punishable
Punishable by even death to some
    And "die" is just another three letters
Another three we let determine eternity
Why, oh why, do we let the smallest words have the most and longest outcome?

What have we done except create roadblocks
Barriers from our own freedoms
Like all the state lines I'd have to cross
   To get to you
To not be here, to not die alone.

There's a three that is quite the opposite
   You.         Her.          Me.
I've never felt something so welcome
Something so perfect
Why it couldn't be, well, that's on me.

But I need you again, Magic Healer
Show me again how to be your lover
  To love myself, again, too
Love myself inside you...... Us....
Us Three.
1400 miles away
saranade Dec 2017
I am closer to immortal than you can imagine
When you lie down it defines beauty sleep
But, I am six feet over... I'm in heaven
And six feet under you're in heaven
A cure for a disease progressing

And no question of a harmonic progression
Even if my song is sung as a narration
The lullaby is my confession
Of loss and of pain...
The depression
For my son
Gone

Where I'm at there's little self-expression
My vocal chords are my only organ
But no one here is listening
Just you, to me
Singing to
My son

The exact structure of your skull was no accident
Synthesis is in my heart, as sound intents
Perfection of beats made in my chest
But as you are in the ground
With a skull so round
I sing down
To you

Painters get to blend more color, white or black
Keep mixing until pigment is exactly right
The tone of the dialogue is a fact
Enacting a meaning intact
On tight canvas skin

It is laughable the way sounds bounce around
That the sound reverberates in your skull
As we give energy to words announced
A frequency is altered by meanings
Dependant on tone or sound
  
I cannot count out the lullabies composed
I can only remember the feelings
Energy left by words we chose
And since you'll never return
I choose to come to you,
Oh, what I'd do for,
Just an ounce,
of your love
At home
saranade Dec 2017
Years we spent, speaking in silence
    Wth the most of feelings, you changed me
We spoke in feelings
        A currency not used enough.

Your feelings are energy
    And I am your energy, too
We are enough to power the galaxy
        Maybe that's exactly what we do.

We powered through the struggles before us
    Lighting up every dark day
With a simple exchange of feelings... Energy...
         The current that is you and I.

You were a tidal wave the flushed my skin
    A bolt of lightening that burned away pain
You were red wine that turned my pale cheeks
         And everything became flushed with power.

You've now become that energy
    Pure and devine and heavenly
In a land I cannot walk through
         But a current with me,
            through all my days.
Energy is life is feelings is all.
saranade Nov 2017
Ten years miserably passed before..."At last!"
Four eyes dizzely cast into blue and brown,
and four, no, six legs on the ground.
Wistfully down a park laid sidewalk, we walked
to meet one another, blissfully.

We walked inside the dried canal, a river of the desert.
It hurts that we go there, no more, to flirt
with the dirt and our companion... infinity.
Is it you with me as I find kin company
in the molecules of divinity?

Repeatedly, I go searching the vicinity and nearby
For anything with similarity that I can call you by.
Any tree, light, shadow or star in the proximity
of where we met that belonged to you and me.
Or a feeling of solidarity that I cannot see.

Son, don't let me now survive ten years expeditiously.
Destructively alive, left with the intangiblity of life
that we left at that decision tree at 5:45.
Repetitiously I continue to apologize,
but apologies won't bring you back to life.
Seeking the sureness of his afterlife.
saranade Nov 2017
As you fell asleep I held my breath
You told me you weren't afraid of death
Only that you didn't want to leave
The comfort I built with my knees around you

You said,
"The stars, they shine only at night
but they're still there even when it's light
The twinkle, the twilight is still in sight
No fret, no fright, our love is right
and it illuminates the days and nights you fight
the feeling you're not alright
But love is right...
And, mama, you're alright"

My grief could drown the ocean
Pain so big it's cosmic, a stellar potion
My son, you are more than the universe
and it's universal like a star in motion
We are but one candle in a drop of the ocean

You said,
"when lights shoot across the sky...
it's not goodbye"

The kindest simple paralysis as I held your chest
No matter if it's right... It's best
My lifes left a mess of emptiness and loneliness  
and that ocean is the tears I've wept

See, your ghost, it's not a 'thing'
It's not something I can boast about seeing
It's a host of the most amazing sights seen
It's been in my heart since the beginning of my time

You're going to be young for eternity
because what you are and what you were
is a feeling
A beguiling, bewildering feeling

But the worst is here, it hurts me my dear
Another feeling on my list of fears
I see you, son. I feel you, son. I love you, son.
These feelings... They're energy... They are you and me.
RIP.
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