you turn to me but i'm not there
i'm drowning
i told you but you couldn't listen
the thoughts won't make sense
none are clear
they're surrounding
encompassing and unnerving
if i take one last breath
would you notice the body
folded neatly
lying under the baggage
you placed on my back
i can no longer support myself
but you won't take the load
stuck inside your head
and i'm stuck with you
if i stop speaking
i'll stop breathing
so i'll carry on until my
fingers are shaking too much
from lack of oxygen
or sometimes too much
i can hear my breathing
speeding up faster
ready to take off and
fly away with what's left of
my soul and spirit
that you didn't crush
still going as i recognise
the dizzy daze i'm falling into
waiting to collapse in
on myself for maybe
the last time
for a while at least
we both know it won't happen
because of you
i couldn't however much you
argue and scream and shout
or maybe it's because of her
calming my mind
ok i have to stop now
i told you it would get too much
once again i say
i'm sorry
remember me
or the old me
if you can
it wasn't your fault

When people love power
more then  they do people
When people love money
more then they do people
Poverty will always have its way
World peace will always
be far away.
What can I say.
It’s a sad thing.


Shell ✨🐚

sleepless nights
coffee driven
no motivation
just movies
and shows
dark circles
fills my eyes
tears loaded
realizing
the
wasted space
no work done
just sleepless nights
with no motivation
just netflix at night
and dark circles
becoming my eyes

To have too many emotions.
To be too transparent.
To feel too much.
To be too open.
To be,
too much.
And will it ever be possible?
To get them to understand.
That they’re too less.
That they’re terribly afraid of us showing them something they cannot ever reach.
That they have a lack.
That we don’t have anything
in abundance.
And that we are not,
too much.

it hits me in waves
funny to think that one day someone who's there
suddenly isn't
you wake up and keep living, yet they don't

and it isn't fair

i see her face in photos, in memories
we go through the motions
trying to find a mundane sense of normality
people don't realise it's the little things that'll get you

walking through the door, seeing her shoes

never to be worn again

the postman, obliviously dropping a harsh reality

through the slit in the door

i look around
seeing reminders of all i've lost etched everywhere
in everything
my fathers home is my mothers creation
heart and soul blatantly poured into all, an unknowing invasion
every nook and cranny
every angle and decoration
it SCREAMS the loss of her humanity

it's funny that songs frequently heard throughout my life
suddenly resonate with my pain
their lyrics fill me with a remembrance of you
no longer do i take their words for granted

joni mitchell, belting carey and a case of you
paul simon, my first concert at hyde park, the sky clear as crystal blue
bjork, in all her raw beauty, confirming all that i was certain i knew

do you remember us singing till our voices cracked
desperate with the need of wanting more?

you taught more lessons than you saw

i remember the sentences that lead to the end of your story
your tired lips, they tried so hard to mumble nonsensical spatters of loving farewells

as you slept
me sat by your side
your hand in mine

unable to shake the feeling of certainty
that we would never meet again
and god, did it break my heart
when my doubt proved me right

i took your hand and i cried
****, lord knows part of me died
i tried so hard to clutch on to the memories we'd never have
the possibility of all that wold never be
as i heard you mutter your last goodbyes

your last words were 'you're such a good girl, i love you so'
and at least i know that you know
my love for you has no bounds

and i hope at least in some universe, and in some way
you'll finally be reunited with faye
your soul and the energy it provides
or whatever it is that we are made of

will finally lay itself to rest
cos **** life
**** its unwarranted test
all we can do is try our best

and that's what you've shown me to do

so, mum, i guess this is how i'm trying to say

my lord how i'll miss you