it hits me in waves
funny to think that one day someone who's there
suddenly isn't
you wake up and keep living, yet they don't
and it isn't fair
i see her face in photos, in memories
we go through the motions
trying to find a mundane sense of normality
people don't realise it's the little things that'll get you
walking through the door, seeing her shoes
never to be worn again
the postman, obliviously dropping a harsh reality
through the slit in the door
i look around
seeing reminders of all i've lost etched everywhere
in everything
my fathers home is my mothers creation
heart and soul blatantly poured into all, an unknowing invasion
every nook and cranny
every angle and decoration
it SCREAMS the loss of her humanity
it's funny that songs frequently heard throughout my life
suddenly resonate with my pain
their lyrics fill me with a remembrance of you
no longer do i take their words for granted
joni mitchell, belting carey and a case of you
paul simon, my first concert at hyde park, the sky clear as crystal blue
bjork, in all her raw beauty, confirming all that i was certain i knew
do you remember us singing till our voices cracked
desperate with the need of wanting more?
you taught more lessons than you saw
i remember the sentences that lead to the end of your story
your tired lips, they tried so hard to mumble nonsensical spatters of loving farewells
as you slept
me sat by your side
your hand in mine
unable to shake the feeling of certainty
that we would never meet again
and god, did it break my heart
when my doubt proved me right
i took your hand and i cried
****, lord knows part of me died
i tried so hard to clutch on to the memories we'd never have
the possibility of all that wold never be
as i heard you mutter your last goodbyes
your last words were 'you're such a good girl, i love you so'
and at least i know that you know
my love for you has no bounds
and i hope at least in some universe, and in some way
you'll finally be reunited with faye
your soul and the energy it provides
or whatever it is that we are made of
will finally lay itself to rest
cos **** life
**** its unwarranted test
all we can do is try our best
and that's what you've shown me to do
so, mum, i guess this is how i'm trying to say
my lord how i'll miss you
i miss my mum more than words can describe