i was lying on the beach at 3am cold and completely alone starring up at the moon listening to the waves crash against the shore. while holding the phone against my ear listening to your recordings you left on my phone telling me to call you back that you would be home soon and that you loved me so much not even a thousand page book could describe the love you have for me now that i can not hear your voice in person anymore i'm left to listen to the voicemails you left me imagining you there holding me in your arms wishing hoping you come back even though it's impossible
These tracks playing in the back of my mind Overlapping Seeping Diffusing Into every sound, Colour, Movement... Infusing into my veins, Pulse, Eyes Gripping my heart As the surrounding muscle contracts And takes over
Pumps Loosening my body Muscles stiffen, Peripheral vision darkened Pump pump Throat clump I missed my chance I missed my chance Neck outstretched Eye lids embracing my eyes You're losing focus And this distance, Lack of reassurance, Eats me up
Ringing Singing Clinging Swinging Hear the phone is ringing, singing beeps While clinging the phone, swinging your legs
My family has a lot of reasons to call the doctors, my Mother suffers with COPD, my Father himself isn’t the perfect image of health when it comes to getting sick and injuries. My younger Brother being disabled physically and mentally, my older Brother also having his fair share of injections.
I myself, am not much of an exception.
When you arrive into adulthood you realise how much you have to take into responsibility with your health, physical or mental. I knew something wasn’t right and I called up and we chatted and soon I’m going to try and get more help with my mental health as well as try my best to work out a way to control my weight.
When you’ve neglected a lot of yourself for a long time, you tend to have really negative emotions appear in your thoughts. You think is there really a point in changing now? Am I too late? When in reality, no, it’s not. When you are dead – It’s too late.