Stara 5d
I promise to tell the truth,  the whole truth and nothing but the truth
So help me God.

Connection your honor.
In this case it can be described as being one with myself.

The ability to then be connected with others.
Let the record show,  it takes hard work,  inner growth and release of ego.
The evidence will show lack of negative energies expressed,
And influx of positive vibes.

Objection; this isn't a sustainable lifestyle.
Overruled.

The defendant has admitted to past involvement in self sabotage.
With a history of willingness to introspection, meaningful dialogue, and sincere change.

Without threat or coercion I choose to let go of the toxic and insignificant,
And plead to expand knowledge and deep understanding of self and others.

To be the bright,  humble and shining Star I was born to be.  

The defense rests.
I try to make myself someone I love,
As well as trying to love myself as I am.
But I always find dissatisfaction with my habits and flaws in my personality.

I try to be kind
But I hurt people
With rude words and punches, even if I'm only joking.
I don't empathize with them
And
I end up wanting to cry when I see what I've done.. again.
I love people and being with them, when I'm left alone I feel like it's intentional.
It must be because I'm so annoying and mean.
But when i find any type of relationship with someone,
I wonder
If
I'll hurt them
Too.
Im aware I have good qualities as well as bad qualities but.. it's difficult to remember that sometimes. I sometimes joke I'm mean and annoying and I'm not always so insecure, but this is part of progress!
Nyx May 13
Enter my mind
I dare you
Take a walk within my shoes
Jog a mile and see
Stop and live through my issues
Face the battlegrounds of mind and emotion
See the remains of my pain and devotion
Dodge the bullets of my insecurities and pressure
The further you go the wounds just get fresher

Take a walk down memory lane
A childhood of happiness with people unnamed
Smiles and laughter all is bright
But you reach a section when there is no longer any light
A place where you can hear screams and cries
Go to that place, Don't you dare turn a blind eye
Feel the pain, the overwhelming fear
Let it coarse through your body till your vision is unclear
Feel the aftermaths the trauma that goes on for years
Even to the current date you are unable to stop the tears

Open the book of the present
Flick through the endless pages
It may not be traumatic but the pain goes on for ages
Isolation, betrayal and all the backstabbing lies
It really is no wonder that so many of us cry
Lock up your feelings, become a void of emotion
After so many years you can feel the painful erosion
Keep trying to fit in, do your best with what you've got
Even though sometimes that will never be enough
Force on that smile and act as you normally would
As a little bit of acting will do you quiet good

So take a step back
Return to your own life
You don't know what anyone is going through
So don't you dare try and judge somebody's life
We are all crazy, mental, we've been through some fucked up things
But each experience is different, don't try and act like your a king
Each mindset is different, Its complicated and complex
So the least you can do is show some basic respect

Our minds aren't kind
Not to you or even ourselves
We just push through and work around it
We don't need another person adding to our hell
Deal with your own problems, Face your own fears
Don't hurt anybody else in the process
Because in the end
Only you can see into your mind
George Krokos May 11
The more one gives the more others are likely to take
and so expectations are increased for the giver’s sake.
_____
From "Simple Observations"  ongoing writings since the early '90's.
Please note that I'm  not against giving at all but some people can and do take advantage of one's generosity at times.
Miss Me May 10
Consumed for so very long
   With everything about ME

I did not know until  
    IT NOW HAS BESEIGED ME
Looking back on my life I see what has hurt me.
Haleigh May 1
Perhaps the reason I hate myself so much,
                        
                                                                 is not because I am a horrible person..

                        but because I have given my love to everyone else

                                                                                                                     and left none for myself..
Poetic T Apr 29
Within the first moments,
             beaten upon to show pain.


Woeful of an innocence made to
             cry for the pleasure of others.

A parent holds after others hands
           molest there innocence of birth.
Fingerprints imprint beyond paternal instincts .


A mothers third party hands clench,
                   where others have already
                   took maternal moments away.

A piñata of so much meaning, now spoilt
                   in a mothers hands. She cries as
                   others hold the candy of innocence.
Nyx Apr 29
I'm walking through the days
Feeling nothing at all
I'm not sure how long ive been like this
I cant seem to recall

Its quite odd you see
As it doesnt bother me
Its just a void of nothing
Is it just being carefree?

I'm not hot
I'm not cold
I'm not sad
I'm not happy
I'm not depressed
I'm not broken


Its just nothing

I don't understand
How a person can be so empty
I smile and laugh, I cry and scream
I do all those normal things
And everyone believes
What good does that bring?
That I can put on a show
I'm like a robot learning human movements  
No matter what, there is room for improvement

I'm a shell of a person
A shadow of who I am
Am I meant to feel emotions
Am I meant to know who I am
Because its really quite odd
Learning all these actions
For everything thing that I do
Leads to human interactions

They say I am trustworthy
They say I am kind
They say that they know me
So why do they lie

You're the only one I trust
Thats not true
I won't tell anyone
Its obvious you will
You understand better then anyone
I really don't
I need you
No you don't
Stay with me
I'll do my best

I Love you
You're feeding me words laced with poison

The pain, the hurt, the happiness
The anger, the betrayal, the lies
But knowing everything
I still do nothing
I merely watch.
Tying my own hands
Securing them behind my back
I feel and see everything.
But these feelings are not mine

I'm lost within myself
I know no other life
I forget my own problems
By taking on someone else's life

So where are my own feelings?
Where are my problems?
Where are all the things that make me human?
For I have nothing, Nothing on my own
I'm just an empty void

I sold everything
For the need to be W A N T E D.
I'm myself but I'm not
This is who I am
I ignore my own problems by focusing on others
Its not healthy but its the way I work
I have been at it for so long that without it
I feel nothing, Nothing at all
All of this just because I wanted to feel needed and wanted by other people
Its pretty pathetic if you ask me
Dippes Apr 26
My scream was more starthing than the intense roar of thunder,
The love of rainy nights, sounding through evergrowing darkness!

Tiny rain drops tickeling at my forehead to infinity of fall,
Cradling myself by building a nest of memories i pick from my mind!

Wrapped in my blanket in bed, listening to the rain,
One in millions of others, landing in an unfamiliar location alone!
Poetic T Apr 1
We are woeful of echoes
           that seem to come
                             from us.

As when we hear ourselves,
                      its only silence.
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