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Got jumped going down the alley
by a couple of bottles and a card game
Got my portrait painted finally,
hands hidden by the fancy frame

"Immortalized Sobriety"
that's what I'll call it,
immortalized sobriety
and not alcoholic

I'll tell my friends
I'll never drink again
We both know that's
not fucking happenin'

I'll tell my friends
I'll never lie again
We both know that's
maybe gonna happenin'

Am I losing my mind?
No, no just one more drink
am I perfectly fine?
No, no just let me think

My mind is soaked
in fermented brine
this page is soaked
with blotchy
                         i
                            n
                              ­k
                                  -


-ling of a remembrance
woke up in the backseat
of a taxi cab repentance
aftertaste so bittersweet
declare me in-dependance

I'll tell my friends
I'll never drink again
We both know that's
not fucking happenin'

I'll tell my friends
I'll never lie again
We both know that's
already happened

Am I losing my damn mind?
No, no just one more damn drink
am I just fuckin' blind?
No, no just let me fuckin' think

I think I might need,
I think I might need,
I think I might need
you.
Amanda Aug 11
Every day is a
Battle to keep taking steps
Forward and not back
One day at a time
Val Graz Jul 28
The demons just want me to be dead,
They want to bury the secrets in my head,
Sunlight kills their dark souls,
And there's no light to hold,
I'd give anything for a savior,
Give my firstborn as a favor,
I just want to not fight for every breath,
To not fight inside my own head,
I'm so tired, so tired, so tired,
And the voices multiply like a choir,
They tell me what to say,
To make everyone think I'm okay,
But inside I'm punching myself over and over,
And I try to quiet it by not being sober,

But you can't stay high forever,
I always nose dive and take a header,
Straight into the ground of which I bleed upon,
This life just seems played out and done,

I'd pray to God if I didn't think he'd forsaken,
This child of which followed him with other children,
But then I found the dark side of life,
The kind that has no spark of life,
Who's dull eyes stare out from sunken skulls,
Knees aching on basement floors,
Don't be fooled by the bible,
The devil is a female,
And she takes innocence,
While faking she's innocent,
So beware of golden hair,
And skin that's fair,
Because it'll make you wish for death,
For the rest of your entire life,

But you can't stay high forever,
I always nose dive and take a header,
Straight into the ground of which I bleed upon,
This life just seems played out and done.
Amanda Jul 20
Addicted to everything you are
Going crazy without you here
Think I'm starting to go through withdrawals
I would give anything to have you near

Sometimes hear voices in my head
Well, scratch the s, only one
Your voice, repeating things you've said
Scared that I'm coming undone

Talk to my reflection and say
The things I want to say to you
I never will, I'm too afraid
You don't feel the same way I do

I spend nights crying my brain to sleep
Because I own no hand to hold
Don't know how to stop the tears
I shake even though not cold

Can't focus on anything
Your face always on my mind
Keep thinking about what I would do
If I could jump back in time amd rewind.

I yearn to feel your touch again
My heart broken and scarred
Everything hurts, morning air stings
Sobriety has never been so hard
Some substances are more powerful than drugs
Amanda Jul 13
Before moon comes out to show
Lack of progress I think I'll get drunk
Could make better decisions
Life is easier to flunk

I look down, hide my shameful eyes
Heart lays in the dirt
Wrung out, tossed aside like trash
Can I run from this hurt?

I placed expectations high
In the wrong box, the wrong shelf
Cannot disentangle, stuck to my mistakes
Try but fail to fix myself

Fuck it, I am gonna get high
Life too short to live sober, full of sorrow
Rather die tonight with smoke in happy lungs
Than survive an endless number of substance free tomorrows
It is hard to live a morally sound life.
Amanda Jul 8
Nobody knows the
Difficult road I walked to
Get to where I am
Difficult roads often lead to beaitiful destinations
Josh Jun 11
People are flies today.
They swarm and buzz
and get in my mouth and nose.
They're like cigarettes
or biscuits -
Hard to quit -
inessential -
I have to try it.

People are everywhere.
Get out of my hair.
I retreat to my private lair,
not a care in the world
but loneliness.

People are like a cheese board.
They make me dream,
something else about biscuits
and go well with a few glasses of red wine.

So many cheeses to choose from
and not one of them is mine.
bzzzzzzzzzzz
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