How am I going to write,
now that I’m sober?
How will I place each
in a profound, meaningful way?

How will I relate or appeal
How will I feel
when I have no fucking material
because the chaos driving my themes
is slowly leaving
my life?

And how am I going to write,
if I’m not coke and mentos
when you shake them up together

What if I can’t write,
if I’m happy?
Amanda 5d
Some days sobriety is easy
I can feel the strength I carry in me
Bare my scarred arms for all to see
Happy with who I am turning out to be
Resilient in the face of adversity
Thanks to peace of mind and clarity
I'm staying busy; like a bumblebee
Filling my time with things that bring me glee
Like my boyfriend, close friends, and family
Along with plenty of activities
Like exercise and my favorite hobby
Turning my thoughts into poetry
I find confidence in a cup of tea
Every day I gain more energy
I even get up and do chores frequently
My hair and makeup I attend to daily
I've unlocked the door to joy; love is the key
At last my spirit feels weightless and free

I love how the sky looks when it's blue
But it is just as pretty grey and cloudy too
Abstinence is a crooked path, hard to navigate
The road to recovery is beautiful but seldom straight

Other days are really hard
Wake up to a sky black and dark
No light can be seen, not one star
My resolve starts breaking, shard by shard
When I can barely lift my head
Much less drag myself out of bed
And the rain outside seems to have no end
That's when I feel the urge to use again
Disappointed, let down by ones who are close
Alone when I need comfort the most
Thoughts spin in circles, craving a dose,
World crashing down, I almost
Give into the shadows and do something gross
Thinking "How much dope do I need to overdose?"
Even break down and pick up my phone
Start to dial a number that to me is well known
I deleted it but it's still in my mind
Guess I couldn't leave all my past behind
But before I complete the call
I picture my mom's face and I fall
Onto my knees, weakly I crawl
Until I am against the wall
I sob and choke on tears as I bawl
Curled up into a pathetic ball
Then I decide today will not be the day
I text my old dealer "I'm on the way."
I won't give in or go astray
If I can push through this i will be okay
I'm strong enough to stay clean at least I am today
Determined to keep walking the right pathway
And manifest the positive words I say
Impulses I'm no longer compelled to obey
See my strength and hang their heads in dismay
I evict my urges, now they have no place to stay


Some days my steps are filled with laughter and gain
Other days the path teems with temptation and pain
The walk will get bumpy but in sunshine and in rain
I'll keep making progress no matter how rough the terrain.
This isn't exactly a verbatim portrayal of my journey but I have had thoughts like these I just push through the struggle.
Thomas Feb 25
Mistakes are teachers
Life lessons learned
Unseen doors opened
From bridges burned

Allies turn enemies
Friends become foe
Death do us parts
Now have knives in tow

Brown eyes on faces 
Green with envy within
Bestowed the smallest of power
True colors now show

Virtue is earned
Loyalty shines bright
When you're the lowest
Stalwarts join the fight

Brutus now exposed
Healing has began
The ides failed in their treachery
Adversity defines the man

Now rise, rise up
From the ashes of hate
Your future has just started
With happiness it's never too late
Thomas Feb 22
I am a work in progress
Sometimes every step forward
I counter with two in regress

My insecurities come out
At my weakest times
When I feel trapped, insulted
Blindsided by my own reactions
They never show any signs

Assess before replying
I need to step back, take a breath
Instead of lashing, and yelling,
Giving stares of death

I am surrounded by great supports
Those that forgive my weaknesses
Pick me back up when I've tripped over my own landmines

To them I'm eternally thankful
Their kindness I can never repay

I am a work in progress
Doing my best to make them
And myself proud of me everyday
what they thought he said
he never said what he wrote
how confused
who said what
can you here these words
yes they are here in your mind
now you can hear me
that's really not me
it's your head
this is me
this is me
your head

let me make my way
through these cob webs
let me dust these shelves
looks like an bomb went off in here
what is going on in here
how long have these shades been down
hey wait
forget what they thought

Amanda Feb 7
I will not let my
Sobriety define me.
I am more than that.
Although recovery is a big part of my life, I would rather focus on other things like the people I love and my passion for writing. I don't want to be seen as an addict for the rest of my life counting days til her next relapse, I just want to be seen as someone who had to go through some stuff to become the amazing woman she is today. Addicts are people too.
Tyler Zuniga Jan 31
the wind was blowing from the southwest today. i was infuriated by mostly everything. my mind began feeling a distance from my body when i was a junior in high school. periods of instability.

estranged and unengaged

i distance myself from society so that i do not act on my sobriety. emotions come in variety. i piss on my anxiety
Janine Jacobs Jan 22
we have lost our sobriety
drunk off each other.  
i taste it when we kiss,
cancer dripping from your lips;
the poison consuming me.
i love the taste of you.
hopelessly, endlessly.
it is intoxicating,
each time your tongue touches mine,
i crave more.
slowly slipping, confusion settling in.
i am a stranger to myself.
lines blurred between lust and infatuation.
i can no longer tell the difference.
this is effortlessly painful,
and you have come to destroy me.
Storygiver Jan 20
I am building homes on the shorelines in hourglasses
hoping that this time it will last.
It has been over 18 months
But I know it won't last.
I will relapse eventually

And pitifully.
Because one year not drinking is like seven to an alcoholic
And I’m still ageing in years of the dog that bit me and will never let me go.

Wanna talk about magic tricks?
It's only sober I saw how much I was disappearing drinking,

So lets call this bullet caught a bullet dodged.
This spell casts me in a bad light
That i can't get my shadow out of
call me Houdini because I'm still looking for  escapes.
You will notice
There is nothing up my sleeves but attempts
so don’t tempt me,
because I haven’t been sleeping too good
and I ain’t awake any better.

For all this freedom,
sometimes I want to take the lockpicks I kept behind my teeth and close shut the world back up over my head again,
Spend a spell or two inside the prisons i built myself again,
Fall back into sunset habits again,
Rather than face the sunrise clear headed
Knowing that this
This is as good as i'm ever gonna feel.

I am sick of being cured because this is no antidote.
No one is afraid of the dark when the lights are on

There’s a morning chorus still singing the burden of nausea
And dropped  by the graceless hands of fate
Another Day breaks.
But for all the fragile homes I built myself in the name of safety
I have no time for walls right now.
I know I built a life of alcohol and I
But we strayed together for all the wrong reasons
And hedonism is not a coping mechanism
And I’ll always remember how this works
in yesterdays that escape me
and excuses that made me
With fearful nights where I was relapse ready
and days like today
Where my resolve is whiskey dick soft like a thrift store sweater
I tell myself tomorrow is just one more day to get to the end of.

Addiction is any port in a storm,
though i’m weighed down by the seas I swallow to keep me steady
You can’t call call me three sheets to the wind anymore
cos i’m tying hope to anchors
Onto these glass kept ships that I used to sink myself in.
There are no answers in a bottle no matter how often you ask it
And i'll keep asking.
Hold me like a funeral
Cos i am not strong.
Hold me like your breath,
Cos technically theres a lifetime supply of it
Now matter how deep you go.

I am 100 years of hurricanes

I have fought avalanches and won

I am a monument to a disaster that never happened

I have been shaken in exact sync with whatever earthquake
You tell me I should not be walking with
You ask me how I survived this well who the fuck said I did?

Am i as much a symptom of the world as I am sick of it?
I never figured out the trick behind this
I never knew what proof I had of this
Just knew that it was always too much too often for too long.
Just knew that it was always too much too often for too long.
Just knew that one way or another this will be the death of me.

I know where this journey takes me, and what it takes from me
So when asked for directions I say:
“To hell with us there is no us!
No you and I to talk of.
You were only ever a wrong road
and I am headed due north of this rock bottom.”

I'll be the tornado if you can find my ruby red shoes to be twelve stepping in.
This close to failure I wear seven league boots
And I know the exact route of just a few moments longer.

I’ll let the seasons decide this one
(Let them change me like I  didnt)
Keep whiskey and knives away from me;
I got this achilles throat from trying to swallow the styx.

And I'm not scared of mortality’s uncertainty any more;
My Haros hand is sure.
Though I didnt have any doubts drunk
I'm sure
I was never Sam when i wasn't sober.
Two years ago I wrote a poem called "Sober" (you can see me perform it here at the end )

I don't go to the AA, poetry is my therapy and it became my mantra but I noticed that every poem about recovery talks about how bad alcoholism is and how great sobriety is without acknowledging that it's fucking boring.

I still want to drink, every day and there are large aspects that I'll always miss that are not all negatives. So this poem is about trying to remedy that by acknowledging that I am not a better person sober, that I am still trying to figure myself out and that for all that I have acheived, all I have fought through I will still always hope to be able to one day have a beer or a whiskey and that not be a ddfining characteristic of I wrote an identity poem about it.

It's taken me a good year to write this. I hope you love it.
Amanda Jan 13
I'm trying so hard to stay sober,
Taking it one day at a time,
But I'm barely hanging on,
Struggling on this uphill climb.

I'm on the wagon for good now,
But isn't that what I always say?
It seems like no matter what I do,
That is the one place I never stay.

Too soon, I'll fall off onto my ass,
And flush all my progress down the drain,
The landing hurts, but not for long;
The drugs are there to numb the pain.

Maybe this time I'll do better,
Tomorrow will be day twenty-three,
Although it feels so good to get high,
Sober is what I'm trying to be.
This is something I wrote today, I took some artistic liberty, this is only the second attempt I've made to get clean and I was barely hanging on but I actually feel really good now. It is day eight for me in reality, but that didn't rhyme. Writing about my journey helps, I usually don't share because it is so personal but hopefully I can help others struggling with addiction as well.
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