No longer set back by the uncomfortable masses of fat resting on my chest
I’m free to live and breathe DEEPLY
Each day I uncover more of the truth to who I am
I spent many years yearning for this feeling of relief
Here it is
I’m ready

Dear Testosterone,
You made me sweaty, ***** and sometimes angry too
But I would be lying if I could say I know what I’d do without you
You changed my life from the outside in
Showed me that living as my true self is not living in sin
Each month I’m amazed by how much change I see
In my face, my voice, my hair and all of me

Today I can look in the mirror and see myself
752 days and one major surgery later but wow I see myself

I used to hide your name
In my line breaks -
When you left town,
I reached out through
Smokescreens and similes.
I used to hide my secret,
Placed it delicately
Within my pining,
A secret only sapphics
Would decipher -
When I wrote about flowers,
I was describing the way the breeze
Caught each strand of your hair
In the sun's gaze;
When I went on about the wind,
It was an attempt to capture
Your scent
Mixed with the ocean breeze
That one week you
Went away with me.

Teasing and testing me,
You let clear water ripple
Around your naked form,
In front of me for the first time.
Your whispers sent shivers
Through my shoulders,
Years spent yearning enough
To override my senses.
There were no tide pools
Deep enough to prepare me
For your beauty as the moon
Threw shadows across your face;
I wish I had been brave enough
To dive straight in back then.
A few years and states away;
The months blur together now,
The moon cycles shifting
Seemingly faster every time.
I wonder if you dare
Ask yourself, what if?
When you see her,
Full and bright above you.

glue down the edges of the wig
over line everything that is too small
hide everything that is too big
dress myself up like a doll
prance around like a drunken mess
dance around to try and make rent
****** you would think
on the brink you would think
but after the drink and the spotlight
i have no doubt in my mind, this is life
they call me many names, a man of many faiths
or faces but never peep any laces
corset underneath this slip dress
another j to smoke away stress
pennies never my worries
i will be provided for surely
i am doing my work, my work is doing me
i dont know who is in control
is it her, him, he
is it I that takes the lead
after everything is off, the mirror doesn’t notice me
wondering who will ever notice me

Mother, would you love me?
Would you love me if you knew why I cringe at the thought of being you,
A strong woman?
I have the strong, but not quite woman enough
Would you love me if you knew you’ve lost two daughters, not one?
If you knew how hard I try to live up to a sister that never got to be
They always told me how much you wanted a daughter
You told me how hard your grandmother prayed.
I wonder if she’d pray for me the same
Or if she’s rolling in her grave.

Momma, would you love me if you knew me?
Me, and not the stories I tell you of the boys that could’ve loved me if i had let them
Or the thought of a woman I could be.
Would you love me if I’d told you about her? How I fell in love while you were in the next room.
How “I won’t get married” really means that I refuse to have a wedding you won’t come to. And the only option is a wedding you won’t enjoy.
How “I won’t give birth” really means I won’t be a mother. All the things you had hoped for me are not for me.
Would you still love me if I just let myself be?

I can’t find the courage to make you grieve for so many losses, to grieve for any more.
I know the new me. Me.
I may be hard to get to know or explain. I’m still learning.
But mom, would you love me? Would you still let me hold your hand? Would you read me stories and give me hugs? Would you still love me? Or is this what you called growing up? Because mom, I may not be your daughter, but I still need my mom

Today marks the 4 year anniversary of my beautiful, energetic & magnificent girlfriend entering my life. She has been my best friend & darling sweetheart through thick & thin. The apple of my eye & the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I love her & she is my Queen 👑

As a way to mark the occasion, I’m dropping the link to my poetry book which has been a work in progress for me these past five years up until now. I wouldn’t have been able to be here right now if it weren’t for my gf as she has been my biggest supporter & fan 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩❤️😘🥰

Check my bio for the link & enjoy!

I'm confused about myself yet again,
It's not questioning sexuality again, but gender identity that's causing my mind to be confused and to be in pain.
I have a reoccurring dream, a dream where my body was the opposite gender, but I felt no distain.
It's confusing as I'm content in my own body, feeling quite safe.
                      "Does this mean I'm Genderfluid?"
                     "Could this mean I'm Non-binary?"
                                  "Am I Agender?"
All these questions are running rampant in my mind.
I guess until I know, I am staying confused.
But confusion is part of life, we learn that as we grow,
I could be none of the above for all I know.

La idioma de español
Sabe todos mis secretos
Todos el chismo
Pero que uno
Y anoche
En el calor de la cocina
Español aprendió mi más grande secreto
“Quieres el verdad?”
“No me gusta mujeres así”
Y Jesús dijo
“¿Porque? ¿Ellas son demasiado gordita?”
Nos Reímos
Y entonces
“No…no me gusta mujeres, Jesús”
Dije
“Soy gay”
Silencio
Nadie hablaban
Nadia se reía
Nadie cocinaba
“Pues…”
El dijo
“¿Tienes un novio?”
El tension en la cocina eliminaba al instante
Sonreí
Me reí
“No, Jesús, pero lo deseo uno”