i cannot handle your mess right now


                                                     - i have my own wreckage to take care of

An angel
wrapped in gauze.
Lying still
on coarse,
unmoved sheets.

Soft,
tender skin
pulled tight
over blood
and bone
by taut stitches
pierced through
the wreckage.
My angel.

Surrounded
by colour,
bright flowers
that fill the room
with a sweet odour
as they die.
I tell myself
that I can't
smell her too.

The sun
streaming in
through the window
is too hot,
but she shivers.
Now and then.
Her eyes,
so bright
when she looks
at me.

I touch her hair,
and whisper
in her ear.

An angel
wrapped in gauze
prays to a god
she's never seen.

I hold her hand,
long after she's let go.

A slow fall —
A sky diver
With a parachute —
Or a meteorite —
Crashing to the ground
Engulfed in flames.
What will it be
This time around?
Will it drag me down
Slowly
And force me to watch
My own self destruction
Or will it
Latch on
And force me down
In a moment
That’s faster than a blink.
So quick
That it takes me
A minute
To understand
What happened
When I wake up
Surrounded by the wreckage?

Is this all you wanted?
Well, it’s all you’ve left behind.
Is this how it’ll be?
Well, it’s what you’ve left

For me.

And you told me
No matter the wreckage
You did not regret
Any part of us
Kissing at the train station
Surprising me on my dark day
Loving under the moonlight
Dancing through the kitchen
Telling me your secrets
No matter the wreckage
You would not forget me
Could never regret us

Did something change?

I basked in the light
Of the present moments sight
But all of a sudden
Your words triggered a bitter memory
And now I want to visit an infirmary.

But oh wait this can’t be bandaged to heal
For it is a resurface from a wreckage.
It crawls from the breakage
With a clinging message
that causes landslides
and scrapes my insides.

My thoughts collide
as my emotions become tide.
My lips become sealed
As I no longer want to speak.

But then I’ll lose my mystique
And become invisible;
Vincible
In the hands of my shadowy past.