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Jamesb Sep 10
We know my history,
The black bits are recent
And very well picked over
And more inquisition
Is yet to come,
Of that there is
No doubt,

But I am not chasing a history,
At least not one that has
Yet been made,
I am rather chasing
A future yet to be,
A future and relationship featuring you,
A future featuring me

So what do I bring to the party?
What goodness might I add?
What benefit to your life
Lies within me?
We know the darkness
And have tasted it
More than enough,

Well the darkness in me
Was torn out by the root,
My deeper good sees now
That machiavellian maneuvers
Do not carry the day
Nor bring satisfaction or even
A shred of victory,

And that deeper decent
Part of me now rejects that
Darker path in favour of the truth,
No matter what the pain,
To me or any other,
For sensitivity can sometimes Be but an excuse to lie,

So away with BS what is left?
As it happens my lady love,
What is left is all that you
Ever believed you had,
For truth be told,
And I am bleeding hard as I type these words
The good you saw was not a lie,

I truly am the knight
That these pages do reflect,
I am at heart a loyal warrior,
Who's sword and heart
Belong to you,
My eyes will not wander
Nor my hand,

But that is airey fairey stuff,
What of the real world?
I hear you ask
I promise always to be at your side,
To have your back come what may,
To support you in every way
With every thing I own,

My physicality and expertise,
My wit and my comfort
Especially my embrace and my hug
A massage on demand
My money such as I may ever have
I dedicate to us
With an open heart,

I will be your secret if you wish, Or if allowed
I will broadcast from the rooftops
That love we share,
And we will own our relationship
Without shame because
We found the truth of us
In love between our hearts,

I will not leave you lady,
Not while these lungs draw breath,
I will honour you in every way I can,
I will do jobs about your house,
Your wish be my command,
Because in pleasing you I find
I find mine own reward,

And I will love you,
Quietly and with humility,
All the days of my life,
I will delight in your successes
And comfort you in distress,
You will never need to seek
An ally nor for help

For this loving man already
Is these things,
And we will live out our dreams,
Bring good and joy
To the wider world,
As well as to
Each other
I am not a write off. I am a good man who has done bad things now.seeling forgiveness and redemption
Jamesb Sep 9
Is a precious commodity,
Hard won and easily lost,
And once lost doubly, triply,
A thousandfold harder to regain,
A fact of which I am reminded
Over and ever over
By those who appoint themselves
To my judging panel,

No matter any right for redemption,
Repentence or change,
Only the justifief raging of the injured,
The gleeful snarling of the lookers on,
It is enough that a man might
Reasonably give pause and thoughts of ending,
Indeed I have had bleakness
Well up enough to drown me,

Pulled and pushed toward the dark,
Towards despair,
Towards oblivion,
Towards an ending offering restitution to the injured
And entertainment to the chattering hangers on
But my spirit is strong enough,
Or maybe I am just
Too ****** obstinate,

I have survived long enough
To see that other force,
The one that can rescue even a wretch like me,
Even the sorest damaged victim
From this dismal purgatory,
From perennial, repeated argument,
Recrimination and pointless sniping,
A veritable undeniable force,
So gentle yet indomitable,
A force to sunder grief and reconnect aching hearts,

Put aside the rage and hurt
Dismiss the hangers on,
(Prurient perverts all,)
And build anew
A better stronger life,
An edifice anchored
Upon rock
And that force

That thing between us,
That revelation that mystery
All along was love,
Love in all its glory,
Corinthian love,
Patient and kind,
Unenvying and humble
Honourable not self seeking,

Above all
Slow to anger and swift to forget
A slight or insult,
That love I found still feebly burning
In my heart for thee,
And peering through the battle smoke,
Sifting through the wreckage
Of us,

I found that same dim flame in you,
Flame I now gently blow upon,
Nurture and feed,
Watch grow back towards a greatness
Sufficient to burn old wounds,
Incinerate infection and leave behind
Hearts touched by a refiners fire,
Silver-proofed against doubt despair.and trepidation.

OUR hearts
OUR love,
OUR future.
Messing up happens. Being wrong, doing bad, it can happen easily and to anyone. Finding forgiveness takes fortitude and grit.
Desire Aug 28
Our debts are paid; all sin is slain.
To live is Christ; to die is gain.
Acts we render; faith we proclaim.
According to His holy Word and Name.
To choose Him who chose us, is to give God praise.
The chaos will come; our voices still raise:
Hallelujah, my God, by whom I am saved.
May our lives on this earth be a glimpse of God’s grace.
This, we pray, in Jesus’ name.
I spent another evening
In one corner of
My mind...

My conscience is
Left bleeding,
And I don't know what I'll find...

My future hangs in balance,
I'm too nervous
To sleep,

But still I keep my chalice,
I fill it and
I drink...

The courthouse is
A palace,
Of justice and of

But when I walk inside it
I shake from head
To feet...

I beg the gods I
Don't believe
To grant me just
Some peace...

Please let me enter
Into hell
And walk out
On two feet...

Oh, let me enter into hell
And walk out
On two feet...
I'm going to court tomorrow for my first felony charge (yay) let's hope my lawyer does this job and I walk out of there free. I always get the shakes when I have to go to court; thank gods Xanax exists...
Sorry I was dead
Back long from the grave as you…
We are here now love
It’s time to live on…
your crackling, humming streetlight
bending bright and blue
I’ve never known a eye
to burn as hot as you

I've cut this trail in whiskey
I've lost an ugly war
you cut your beam against me
you cast my losing score

the bottle knows it’s shattered
it's fragments spark the ground
what else could you uncover?
all bodies have been found

I gave you my confessions
your file on me complete
you have no rope to hang me
or bind my hands and feet

I'll always find the shadow
then steal another day
your judgement fades in twilight
your flame is washed away
Is there something I can find
Buried deep in my mind,

An allure which ensures
Me of hope?

So pure and unadorned,
So naked, as was born,

Just a light, just a spark,
That which pulls upon
The heart,

To awaken, and allow
Me to see?

Is there something, buried deep,
Among the feelings I keep,

Is there hope for the one
Who has none?

No more sadness,
No more pain,

No more for a stain,
For a shadow of
What I once had?

No more crying,
No more lying,

No more wishing
I was dying,

Is there hope for the one,
Who has none?
Just a feeling I had tonight.  I wanted to share it, for everyone who wonders if tomorrow is worth waking up to. It's there hope for people like us?
David Hilburn Mar 16
Nine angels
Care and naked simplicity
Future weal, to remind in open quarrel
Speed is a having guest, to avarice when implicitly...

A heart of darkness
And the cares of calling a friend to the table
Rued gestures of candor, a candle of secrets
And the stir of something greater, than a justifiable...

Looking hard, for a salient generosity of ply and can
Will a shared eye, begin here, or in the meet
Of promises told to take their time, a stodgy plan?
Letting boding become a shame? taking a seat...

Ten angels
And the blindness of voices attuned to a pitch
Vice and curiosity to tender a vantage, well
Who is the other side of privilege in the dark, so rich?

I am, says one, the truth in terrified gifts...
Is a language we can afford; a hatred of hearts, and nix?
With a nobility of silence, we have adjusted might's to is...
A hearkening joke, the only way to survive the day, ad sic.?

All flee, but the one, and the need of cause serious
To remember the taste of couth, complimenting the hour with aim
Did, says the one to remain, the word of composure is ours furious
Adding, says the rest to a whole comfort, I knew by the very name...
The eaves of possibility, do they ever know any better than themselves?
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