Is what I call myself.
Have you ever been afraid
of Hearing the phone
Ring, or making a phone
Call? I am. I am terrified
to feel the void, on the
other side of the world.
No space, no clue, no
Entity. The sense of
Unreality and unsettledness
when connected to a closest person through
this Cold Little Device: What should I say,
What can I say when I do not see
your face? Or maybe to a stranger, an
Outsider, who casually speaks, "I'm outside",
"Coming", "Got your order"—
the terror of being observed, exposed, examined,
Invaded, only comes down
when it is over.
Everything with Speed scares me:
When voice converts into
Electronic waves and analog signals,
the Voice, no longer our voice.
When the telephone rings, the world spins,
speeds, mechanizes, conceals, suppresses, darkens:
the momentum of transmission, the velocity of
sounds, making thoughts and moods and
emotions faster and faster, so fast that I could not afford, predict or
prepare; so hastier than I wanted, imagined, expected, than I than I am, that I
become no longer myself, any self. The intimidating speed of
Telephone: The Moment that you know when
I know, the Answer that you give
when I seek: they are
So Please, do not ring and do not
make me call.
Look into my eyes, and I will
Look into yours.
Do not dial, do not answer,
do not lie in the dial tone.
Speak to me.
And I will wait, for an
I am extremely afraid of telephone, and these are the reasons.
My friend can not understand, but I hope -- perhaps some of you can.