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Jun 2019 · 1.1k
Complain
mjad Jun 2019
My stomach is in a knot
Because as my lips are being traced by yours
My name is on the tip of your tongue
But you don't spit it out
You complain about the song
nothing new
May 2019 · 1.6k
Friend
mjad May 2019
Not something I wanted
Or planned for
Happened today
A boy
Was decent
No physical tension
Or ****** implications
The air was light
The conversation between
Just friends
Flowed like a breeze
I cancelled my next **** appointment
That desire came to an end
Because I realized
I just want another male friend
May 2019 · 662
Mother
mjad May 2019
I have spoken more words of hate and exclaimed more disgust,
than words fueled by respectful admiration and trust.
You think that I will open up to you the more you hover,
but my life is kept from you, completely undercover.
I hope one day I can speak all of my exciting truths
because you have been uninvited to share in my youth.
I do not need you, but to follow what every child should say,
Happy Mother's Day.
we do not have a good relationship
part two to my other poem "Mother"
May 2019 · 822
Detonating
mjad May 2019
I've rebuilt walls so high
that the conversation scares me
why would he desire me
after years of not speaking
every opened message
is a bomb detonating
destroying the walls
of my brand new building
Apr 2019 · 480
Distress
mjad Apr 2019
I've always had a way with words
my tongue lets lies slide off
like ice cream drips onto the floor
causing distress
I notice it more
when I talk to my mother
her ignorance astounds me
like magic to a child
not understanding
Apr 2019 · 1.6k
Home
mjad Apr 2019
and just like that
his fingertips know
after two years
they are back home
Apr 2019 · 1.6k
Notre Dame
mjad Apr 2019
just as Notre Dame catches fire
does the turtle's situation become dire
as it struggles to get air
because of another plastic snare
one of millions that float aimlessly
Notre Dame will be rebuilt urgently
over one billion dollars raised in days,

but who really needs to be saved?
The amount of money raised for Notre Dame to be rebuilt would be enough to clean the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Just saying.
Apr 2019 · 303
Fear
mjad Apr 2019
There is no reason
to fear living a fun life.
We die anyway.
haiku?
Apr 2019 · 2.5k
(even more) Fun
mjad Apr 2019
Of all the fun I've ever had
Almost all I've never told you
From hitting dab pens
To sneaking out with friends
Almost all I've never told you
Following the trends
Meeting random boys
Listening to the devils tempting voice
Crashing in hotel rooms for the night
To staying up with a boy till the sunlight
My phone holding all the photos I've taken I've never shown you
But you never knew, never found out about
The times I don't want to forget
You don't know about them yet
And my only regret out of all of it
Is that I can't tell you one bit
Part 3 to "Fun"
Apr 2019 · 5.1k
Chocolate
mjad Apr 2019
long dark hair
chocolate stare
tan soft skin
dripped in sin
tempting voice
i hate boys
Apr 2019 · 828
Settle
mjad Apr 2019
When you ask to be friends
I try and simply explain
That after tasting Bluefin tuna
How could I settle for a McDonald's fish fillet?
i never posted this
Apr 2019 · 568
Rent
mjad Apr 2019
As time goes by
I don't mind
I was talking to someone
Staying rent free in my mind
Apr 2019 · 260
Control
mjad Apr 2019
Never let him tell you
What you just cannot do
Where you just cannot be
Who you just cannot see
Never let him tell you
What you should wear today
Who you should listen to
Be who you want to be
See who you want to see
Go where you want to go
He does not need to know
Tell him he can't tell you
Who you choose to talk to
He does not control you
...sonnet?
Apr 2019 · 683
Covered
mjad Apr 2019
He is what he seems.
Covered screen. Left you on seen.
just like all the rest
...haiku?
Apr 2019 · 548
go-to
mjad Apr 2019
I don't know if you want to be more than beneficial friends
I don't really want to pretend
I've been told you just want to hit
But I don't think I'd mind if you missed
I used to never go with it
Sometimes I wish I could go back again
I never imagined it as a kid
That I'd go through a *** phase and regret what I did
And subsequently, I'd be bringing bad boys with
Ones I thought I would marry and then we'd get rich
Everything has changed, I am not the same
Now you probably think I'm telling a myth
I cannot tell you a reason for this
Summer is bringing temptations
Maybe I'm selfish and just want ****
Remembering all the times I spent in boys' basements

I know that's not what I want
Wish I could be what you need
But I can't see through all of your fronts
I don't know what you're trying to be
I do not think that there would be a problem with us
I just think there is a problem with me
I don't know if I can handle guessing anymore
I'm not the go-to *** anymore

I'm not sure what you want to be
But I'm not what you think
This is way more emotional than I thought I would be
I'm not what I introduced myself to be
I promised myself to be honest with you
And I want to do this with more integrity
Can't help but think that I'm being played
If that's the case then just tell me
I am always prepared for the truth
I'm telling myself your friends are right
But should I trust your friends more than you

Now my heart is stuck in the grayest of areas
Thinking back to when your friends said not to trust you
Remembering when they warned me not to
Thinking about how we might go to a party
And I will be there confused about what to do
I still take heed at the first words about you
And I do not think there is a way of preparing us
For the inevitable or so it seems
When you get a job and I chase a college dream
Eventually, you'll find a girl much more pretty
Someone that's better that I could never be
You're a guy with smarts and muscles
I don't smoke much and I don't drink much liquor
I want to know what you want, but you telling me I don't figure
You'll find a better girl, like the one you are talking too
Who's body and conversation is probably better

I should be getting myself focused again
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know
I know that we started as beneficial friends
But that type of bond has room to grow
But I don't want to pretend
I don't know if I'd have the emotional control
I don't know if I can handle guessing anymore
I don't know if I can be that go-to *** anymore
Apr 2019 · 466
Know
mjad Apr 2019
Everytime I make plans with you
My gut clenches up
Like a fist ready to go
But I know
Already I know

I know that I'll kiss you
After buying and sharing your food
After hugging and talking
Like good old friends do

I know that I'll miss you
After kissing and setting the mood
After wishing and wanting
Like long lost lovers do

So everytime I make plans with you
My gut clenches up
But there is no fist ready to go
Just butterflies squirming
Because I already know
Mar 2019 · 1.9k
Mustaches
mjad Mar 2019
I don't like mustaches and you remembered
You kept it till last December
When you knew you'd see me one last time
You dropped out of highschool for an extra dime
My friends say you're not good for me
And I understand
A dropout and the girl with the principal as her biggest fan
But I live for the moments we have together
From Subway dates to running home in bad weather
My friends don't get how happy I am
How I understand that you aren't a good guy, but not a bad man
You have a warrant out for your arrest
But I sometimes fail my tests
We all have our bad things, we regret and don't flaunt
But you are not one of mine, and I'm of yours I hope not
A bad analogy I understand, but take a moment to see what you can
He's a sweetheart and a charmer for sure
But he loves me for me and that's pure
I dont get guys like that much if at all these days
And I know he means good intentions in all of his ways
As bad as they may be
And my friends remind me
We mustn't judge a book from the cover
Simple as can be
Mar 2019 · 507
We
mjad Mar 2019
We
We eat and talk, you check your phone
I eat some more
I check my own

We talk and eat and get up to go
You grab your bike
I walk alone

We walk and bike across the street
I wait and you stop
You kiss me

We kiss and talk and go home
I open my phone
You text me

We text and call and text once more
I read the last text
You love me

We go around and around for months
I miss you
You come back

You leave and come back some more
I never leave a text ignored
You use me

We go and kiss and cuddle and chill
I love your energy
And you still

We never ever end we go on and on
I never will forget you swear to god
You have me
everytime
Mar 2019 · 2.6k
Tigers
mjad Mar 2019
Tigers are dope
I want two tattooed on my back
Oh snap...
Really?
I want one on my thigh
**** that's wack
Copying me
No no it's not for you it's for me
Right just like my so called stupid heart emojis
Why are you mad I just like the idea
You like that idea and a million more
Such a ******* ******* *****
Don't snap on me for something so small
So I send heart emojis, you're lucky I text you at all
It's an argument
Feb 2019 · 376
Vessel
mjad Feb 2019
This is a soul that cares more about itself than the expectations for the vessel that hosts it
do __ understand ?
Feb 2019 · 2.1k
Vision
mjad Feb 2019
It's been a month and a half
Since my eyes laid on you last
At first you're nothing much
No hard abs or glowy tan
But you grow on my vision
The more I stare
I wonder how you would look
Standing not as far as over there
Feb 2019 · 705
Fragile
mjad Feb 2019
Highpitch tone
Over tan
Acne scars
Not a man

Chicken legs
All alone
Zero muscle
Only bone

Fragile heart
Selfish mind
Independent
Never kind
Jan 2019 · 1.4k
Terrain
mjad Jan 2019
My head is against the hard plastic, my hair softening the uncomfortable edge
I catch a sliver of the snowstorm when I look out, blocked by his silhouette
My hands place themselves on his waist, preparing for the worst
Lips on lips feeling the unequal pressure and my heart feels it's cursed
My chest feels strange as he transfers his kisses and finds my hands
I feel him pressing against me and I sink myself into the stained fabric as far away as I can
My body tenses and my mind tells it to stop but it doesn't understand
His movements are choppy as he tries to explore the new terrain
Does he know this terrain is 17 years young
Because the ground can tell the excavator is at least 21
Teeth collide with my lips and I cringe at the lack of skills for a man
My eyes drift to the snow outside the warm well used minivan
Wishing how badly I could be a snowflake on the other side of the glass
I pull my sweater up
And let him take off my bra clasp by clasp
But I don't want him
I don't want this to last
Nov 2018 · 1.9k
Meet
mjad Nov 2018
I often wonder about my own origin
I wonder how much of me is from just one woman
I also wonder if I am anything like the man
Does my DNA from her make me the good student I am
Does it explain my ever present sarcasm and attitude
I wonder if we have the same personality or mood
I wonder about my appearance and hers
Does her hair also fall down her back or shape her curves
Does it reflect in the same golden way that mine does
Does she also let hers grow too long just because

I know you from online
And from the few files I find
Is my height, or lack thereof, from you?
(After all, I'm only five foot two)
Do all my half siblings know of me, or just you?
Do you talk to my father? Does he want to meet too?

I meet you this week
17 years or 6,463 days
Not a moment too late
A reunion like an awkward first date
I was told to "expect nothing" from it
That I can easily call to just quit
But I know more everyday that I am ready
I want my family tree to be a little less webby

I want you to know I am not mad
I do not cry because I am sad
You are the reason I live the life I have
I cannot be more grateful for that

I understand the choice you made
That raising me was a price you had to pay
Your past is not something to regret
The questions I have are nothing to fret
You might fear the how's and why's
But they're the last thing on my mind
I just want to meet you for you
And to thank you for giving me the chance to live anew
I meet my birthmother later this week and I am full of emotions, but I want all birthmothers to know that the last question an adoptee has on their mind is  "why?" We want to know YOU, the you of today, so do not be scared. ( ps. If youre an adoptee too, hmu! I am here for you on your journey)
Nov 2018 · 1.8k
Baby
mjad Nov 2018
Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear
Baby
Words I want to hear
Tell me
Tell me that you love me too

Put your hand on my thigh now
Get my Snapchat
Baby
Send a pic like that
Show me
Show me you wanna **** too
Inspired by Paul Anka's "put your head on my shoulder" how young couples communicate "love." Then the first stanza vs. now the second stanza
Nov 2018 · 413
Force
mjad Nov 2018
The back of his head makes me shake my own
As I see him walk past me in the halls all alone

I wish my hands could be messing around in his hair
But I cannot force back feelings that just are not there
Nov 2018 · 2.5k
(more) Fun
mjad Nov 2018
Of all the fun Ive ever had
Almost all I've never told you
From vaping in the car
To drinking in my friends basement bar
Almost all I've never told you
Nearly crashing a car
Kissing strangers just for fun
Smelling like **** a ton
Sneaking out to a friend's wedding
To seeing the cops pull up and dreading
You hearing about all the fun I've had that I've never told you
But you never knew, never found out about
The times I don't want to forget
You don't know about them yet
And my only regret out of all of it
Is that I can't tell you one bit
Part 2 to "Fun"
Nov 2018 · 1.6k
Arsony
mjad Nov 2018
the fire left sparks on my sleeve
You stood ten feet across from me
on the other side of the flames
they reflected in your eyes
the ocean blue turned arsony
and I could see all our memories
burning
Oct 2018 · 607
Tangled
mjad Oct 2018
Our song comes on as you hit the gas
75 on the freeway
You're going too fast
But today you don't care
You shout the lyrics
And play with my wind tangled hair
Oct 2018 · 6.1k
Anyway
mjad Oct 2018
He only goes with "skinny *******" or so his friends say
But it's alright, I don't go with guys who call girls "*******" anyway
Oct 2018 · 790
Don't
mjad Oct 2018
I tell myself everyday I don't care about him at all
He's a thing of the past come and gone
But I heard a story and was enthralled the entire conversation long
I wasn't eavesdropping my friend just decided to share
I don't need to know his business and I tell myself I don't care
But his father is leaving and his ex has moved on
His mother is mad and his work nights are long
He had the chance to have *** but won't say with who
I doubt anyone besides me came close (and I was faking the ******* too)
He keeps pursuing a girl who rejected him once more
He cut off two of his friends now he is left with just four
I tell myself I don't care about his life,
But if you know anything...tell me more
Oct 2018 · 692
Catch
mjad Oct 2018
You run around
Shouting catch me if you can
Sticking your tongue out
Catch yourself a nice ***
Don't like the way she dress tho
And shes a bad kisser
You'd rather hit and miss her
Speed off in a Caddy
She don't call you Daddy
Caught another she a real ***
Running round your mind tho
Punch her heart after ***
Save feelings for the next
Run and catch her if you can
I just can't say no
Catch me if you can tho
Sep 2018 · 557
Keys
mjad Sep 2018
It's become a routine
Letting guys use me
I settle for below my league
Or so my friends tell me
From mental disabilities
To family issues
They still get me on my knees
I don't want to be the lock
I want to be the keys
Choosing which door I fit
Not letting them unlock me
Aug 2018 · 3.1k
Excursion
mjad Aug 2018
Don't use ****
To get what I need
**** em up
**** me up
Dyslexia *****
Like I **** you off
On my best friends floor
Behind the bathroom door
While they're dead asleep
Our secret to keep
Turn off the TV
Making sure they can't see
You right on top of me
Fingertips trace along your sides
While you're meeting my insides
Get to know me even more
Can't hear our moans over their snore
I can barely keep my eyes open
Swim in me like I'm the ocean
Getting seasick everywave
A life I can't help but save
Swallowed like Jonah and the whale
Pause and we both exhale
Collapse in exhaustion
After our little excursion
Your heartbeat puts me to sleep
Your breathing is still deep
Didn't even need ****
To get a good night's sleep
Aug 2018 · 13.7k
Fun
mjad Aug 2018
Fun
Of all the fun Ive ever had
Almost all I've never told you
From beach days to movie nights
And pizza stops and wrestling fights
Almost all I've never told you
Car rides speeding at midnight
Walking on the frozen lake downtown
Scared that I'll fall through and drown
Waking up in his bed
To giving road head
All the fun I've had I've never told you
You never knew, never found out about
All the lies I hand fed you
Dozens and dozens of times I did what I liked
Instead of listening to you
And of all of those times of adventure and fun
I regret absolutely none
Except the fact I had to pretend I wasn't actually doing a single one
I'll tell them one day
Part 1 of 3
Aug 2018 · 373
Ends
mjad Aug 2018
I can't let myself hurt you
I'm scared of more than friends
Whenever there's a good thing
It ends
Aug 2018 · 1.8k
Between
mjad Aug 2018
In between a rock and a hard place she was stuck,
Literally she was crushed between a freeway divider and a semi truck.

Native American so her roots didn't connect her to heaven.
He was a self proclaimed athiest at the ripe age of seven.

A short belief in an afterlife as maybe a wolf or an eagle
seemed too childish so he gave up on it before he was legal.

Visiting a slab of shiny stone in between two pine trees;
The wrong one but he doesn't care he sits down waiting to freeze.

Smoking a joint forgetting the new one while trying to keep all of her.
Exposion to death at a young age has no real cure.

Step brothers have no sympathy saying it's time to growup,
Girlfriend doesn't know when to stop bringing it up.

The clouds float on by. . .
He wishes he could die.

Staring at a shiny engraved stone with tears to the brim,
Hating all that his short seventeen years have shown him.

His only desire at the moment to just see once more her face,
He was caught in between her rock and his minds hard place.
my exes mother died and I tried to express his struggles of depression...I can't do his emotions justice
Aug 2018 · 679
Steam
mjad Aug 2018
Nose below the water
Steam clouds my view
Before my eyes
my hands find you
Aug 2018 · 4.7k
Talker
mjad Aug 2018
Hey babe
You say you don't like a **** talker
But my bad ***** energy just made you harder
Aug 2018 · 4.1k
Traveled
mjad Aug 2018
Until our names have traveled the world
Your name will jump off of my tongue,
Roll onto your back
Crawl over your shoulders
Walk right into your ears
Then off your tongue will jump mine
It will roll onto my chest
Slither up my neck
Stumble right into my ears
Until our names have traveled the world
Jul 2018 · 448
Chlorine
mjad Jul 2018
I cover your face
With little chlorine kisses
While your eyes drown me
Haikus have never been my best work
Jun 2018 · 973
Exploring
mjad Jun 2018
I want to write
But I don't know about what
Something about how they call me a ****
They think I sleep around and round
But my lifestyle isn't that profound
Is it right to shame me?
For exploring my sexuality?
I would say,
no
but they don't tend to hear that word
Jun 2018 · 599
Glass
mjad Jun 2018
The battery is dying out
So I leave my phone in the other room
Voices fade to mumbles as I walk out
Just the kitchen floor creaking now
The door shuts after you slip out
Take the water glass from my hand
Lean against the fridge while it fills

We should stay here for a lil
They'll never notice or care
Just you, me, and the water we'll share

I lean my elbow on the cold counter
I dent his confidence with my stare
He breaks my heart with his tongue

Well baby then I'm leaving
A kiss on the cheek is no fun
I'll see you sometime later if you want

My eyes fall as he brushes past
Carelessly hands me the water glass
It splashes on my t-shirt
I watch the drops soak in quickly
They'll dry out eventually
I go back and join the crowd
A house party no longer as loud
Jun 2018 · 348
Shadows
mjad Jun 2018
A shadow dances across the hall
You panic and I laugh
"Babe, it was just the cat,"
You roll your eyes and fidget
Pause kissing me for a minute
"It could have been your parents,"
I pull your chin down to mine
Wrap my legs around you tight
"If it was I wouldn't mind,
they'd be happy to see me with a boy so fine,"
The smile returns to your face
You grab my legs and lift me up
"Hold on to me tight enough,"
Spinning around spooked the cat this time
All it saw was our shadows disappear into the night time
Jun 2018 · 488
Love
mjad Jun 2018
I don't know
What we are
We are friends
But we love
Not each other
we love it
It's the fun
It's the moment
Action filled flame
Fueled by desire
Not quite passion
Moreso adolescent impulses
Adrenaline running around
We are living
Not really loving
Using the words
With empty meaning
Backed by actions
With casual intentions
I don't know
What we are
Though I know
We aren't in
The middle of
Three little words
we aren't in love
Jun 2018 · 21.9k
Re-prioritizing
mjad Jun 2018
I hear the electricity fade
The room is lit with the TVs black haze
My body in your arms is no game
But now I'm all you want to play
part two of my previous poem Prioritize
May 2018 · 660
Noon
mjad May 2018
The back door is unlocked so you can make yourself at home around noon

My parents are out and my friends don't need to know about you

It will just be me and you and exactly whatever you want to do

Grab me hold me kiss me throw me have me love me, see the night through

It's half past noon

Just me and you
May 2018 · 1.3k
Mother
mjad May 2018
There are more secrets that my heart holds,
than arguments I have woken up too.
More anger and resentment rising upwards,
begging my mouth to attack you,
at every waking second I am in your presence,
than times I have muttered the words: I love you

Happy Mother's Day
We don't have a good relationship unfortunately
May 2018 · 537
Brush
mjad May 2018
I brush my lip gloss sparkles
Off of your chin
As if I am brushing away
The last hour of sin
Apr 2018 · 606
Open
mjad Apr 2018
Light green but, dark around the edges
Not emerald, more like nicely trimmed hedges
His least favorite, he preferred blue
But I can tell that it's different for you
Because I caught you once in a moment
You were kissing me with your eyes open
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