At 15 she had her goals in her mind
To get her high school degree,
then her bachelor's
and then her master's
and maybe even her doctorates
She wanted to own house with a nice back yard
Despite the house crisis
She wanted to adopt she knew she was planning far ahead but didn't mind
At 18 she got her first degree
Then her second, third and fourth
She worked her *** off having ups and downs
Her world ending then starting again
She finally got a house at 27
And at 30 she adopted a 13 year old boy
She fell in love with him immediately of course
And did her best to give him the world
And in his senior year of highschool she gets him a car
She wished she hadn't
He got into a crash a few months later
He never recovered
Her world ended at 35
And it didn't pick back up again

Walking down this busy street
Passing people I will never meet
I wonder how it got to this point
A time where I can have so much
And yet feel so alone

If I look back
Was it all my fault
That I am and have always been
On the the edge of everything I’ve seen

It started the day I was born
When that woman from whose body I was torn
Decided I wasn’t for her
And since that day I have wondered looking
for her again
In every woman I ever known
I have looked to be loved for that very first unconditional time

Perhaps in a way I am drawn to her because she too was cast aside by one who should have loved
in that echo I hear my own voice as well as hers
And in that two note chord there lies
the start of a song we both can sing

Little dog running hard
toward the parked cars
looking and sniffing
then rushes to the next one
panting
eyes filled with anxiety
seeking the owner who abandoned it
big round eyes all teary
it must be thinking sadly
"if i get to become a human in the next life
i will do anything to be kind
adopt a cute puppy
and stay with it
until the end of time."

Would any body like to adopt my grades?
Cuz I can't raise them myself.

in my dreams you wear a yellow dress
A color of innocence
You speak to me like you really know who I am
& I’m looking at you wondering if I see me.
But it’s just a dream and I guess
We will really never know
If you wear a yellow dress
Or if you even ever wanted me
If you ever wanted to
Know who I was.
Today I sit here
And can only visit
You in my dreams
Whenever mind allows it
& this time this is such a
Happy dream, you in a yellow dress
Leaning you head on me.
But in my reality, its
Still a terrible nightmare
That I am scared will
Never go away

My girl don't sit next to me and play on the swings
She's in my mind just doing those things
Sometimes I wish I wasn't a chicken and I could see you more
Should of pushed harder but how can you when its a c section
Running around alone when you should have a family
Giving all your baby clothes away
Its like better than a miscarriage but its not because you know she's somewhere laughing in someone else's house
Your scared to tell people your feelings because we are all supposed to get old and have kids
What if you didn't have your kid no more and your not "mom"
Then you know how it feels when everything's gone
Jealousy's  a deadly sin but I am already dead inside
I know you can't have what I can but why does it mean you can take it in the first place
This is eating me inside but I think about is you sitting on the swing set outside.

He was my father, I never thought that would change,
But then things began to rearrange.
I love him still to this day,
I'm just said to say he wasn't able to stay.
I never thought he would give in,
So when he said yes my mind had begun to spin.

He was my dad, and I thought that meant forever,
He left though, now I don't talk about things just say whatever.
He was the most important to me,
Because I thought he would never think to set me free.
Now he hasn't reached out in awhile,
I've begun to lose my smile.

He's nothing but a stranger now because he's gone,
He left, he even managed to beat the dawn.
I wanted him to be there for me no matter what,
But then he left and the door slowly shut.
I guess I wasn't a good daughter,
Because you just forgot her.